I have been thinking about this for some time as you all know and I have decided to let you, the Prince.org community help me compile a well-rounded list of "fam" characteristics. This list will help us identify those who have been drinking a little too much purple kool-aid.

Here are some of the things that I believe are useful in identifying "fams" among us... they will believe these things or say and do these things:

1. Princebonics (silly kindergarten shit it is)
2. Immediate attacks on anyone who doesn't think that Prince is GOD.
3. Fake positivity until someone says something about Prince not being the best thing ever.
4. Lovesexy saved my life.
5. A dull, glassy-eyed look.
6. Unusually malleable when it comes to Prince's bullshit.
7. Prince really IS the greatest musician EVER.
8. Freely using "genius" when referring to Prince.
9. Inability to make a salient point about anything.
10. The NPGMC really IS a good deal.
11. Thought that changing his name to a symbol was the best thing ever.
12. Prince still makes the best music.
13. Prince really cares about his fans.
14. QUICK to use the term "kissin his ass"about others
when actually that's whut they've BEEN DOIN!!!
15. Thought that Larry Graham really was the best addition and influence on Princes music.
16. Uses a picture of themselves holding a "One Nite(sic) Alone Live" box set as an avatar.
17. Prince is a STUD in bed.
18. That Prince is taller than 5' 2"
19. That high heels look good on a man.
20. That no other artist since 1981 has released a half decent record.
21. That it's ok to rip us off cos Prince is an artist, not a businessman.
22. And that he is the most masculine man they have ever seen.
23. They also think that he is a smooth kisser... even though he looks like he's sucking the face off of the woman.
24. The only reason Prince isn't in porno is because his cock is FAR too big.
25. He is a brilliant actor!
26. And a great comedian.
27. thinks Prince NEVER lies
28. He was sexy even back in the days of the g-string, leg warmers and suspenders...
29. They've all listened to him since his first album came out, even though they weren't born yet.
30. There are at least two bottles of purple ketchup in their home... unopened and displayed on the fucking mantle.
31. That the albums by Apollonia 6 and Vanity 6 are actually good.
32. That Kirky J was a good producer and drummer.
33. That Tony M could rap.
34. That writing "slave" on his face really stuck it up the record establishment
35. Prince is a brilliant businessman!
36. Got every Prince item,but nothing in their savings account.
37. Thinks Prince could have played in the NBA.
38. They starve just to attend the Celebration each year so that they can have a glimpse of his royal badness!
39. A trip to Paisley Park is a religious experience.
40. Listening to Prince's music brings them closer to god!
41. Fams of all religions will immediately turn to a JW, or whatever faith Prince tends to be into at the time.
42. They think they are kindred spirits.
43. They would fuck Prince, even if he was broke and drove a Gremlin... even the guys!!!
44. They will immediately, and without hesitation, drop an enormous amount of money for boots, towels or anything Prince has touched that is up for auction on eBay.
45. Would drink a cup or Prince's urine or ball sweat like it was a fine wine.
46. when you actually liked or take time out to defend that hoe ass "1999NEW MASTER or anything larry did even you tho dont even have his cd"
47. Will think that a poster is Prince if the poster happens to say anyting remotely similar to something they feel Prince would say... and then turn ugly on their ass when they find out they are just a normal person.
48. They will answer any question Prince asks at a concert the "correct" way just so they can get up on stage.
49. Would suck a gallon of Yak shit through a crazy straw in order to win tickets to a Prince concert even though they could buy the tickets at TicketMaster for $50.
50. Also any Man or even Woman who is Jealous of Prince has no Place in my Life as I am Loyal to Him and his Music and I would expect my Friends to listen also. (culled from another thread)
51. Female fams think that Mani is evil... or whoever Prince happens to be with at the time.
52. They will scour the internet for private information on him, such as the price he paid for his homes and tax information.
53. Purple is the ONLY color to exist.
54. Thinks he can grind coal into a diamond with his buttcheeks.
55. Only eats Cap'n Crunch with soy milk
56. They will camp out so that they can be first in line at the sound checks in hopes of being noticed.
57. They listen to Prince morning, noon and night.
58. Some will even record cd demos and "fix" his songs and give it to him as a gift.
59. They will e-mail the NPGMC for answers to their emotional, family, life and work related problems.
60. Fams when standing in line to get into the show dressed in purple and yelling Owaaa! Then that gets the rest of the line yelling it.
61. That when he does a cover of another artists song he "makes it his own" and it is always better than the original.
62. give me bitchy little looks till they see me talking to my friend who works for P and then they get all cutsie with me
63. When Prince samples someone's music it is okay, when someone samples Prince's music it is blasphemy.
64. Carry on conversations comprised entirely of Prince lyrics.
65. Write poetry, songs or personal journals about how Prince has touched/changed their life and send it to him.
66. Vote zero stars on any topic started by IceNine.
67. hate Warner Bros
68. They will search and search to seek the answer to the ultimate riddle, is there a "message" within NATO/OTAN?
69. He's a star and I'm apart of his constellation
70. They call themselves Rainbow Children and really think they are part of the New Power Generation.
71. Thinks that the rainbow that appeared over Paisley Park one year was a sign from the heavens above.
72. Refer to people who don't swing from Prince's hairy bean bag as haters.
73. Will chase around and do extensive research to find out if any new poster with "watchtower", "ONA", "RainbowChildren" or any Princely name is really Prince.
74. He like no other man Knows My G-Spot...Oh,Yes and he plays it so Well and strokes it Deliciously. Oh,Yes! He Does...
75. Will turn to a vegetarian if Prince is... if they hear he had ham on his chefs salad... why of course, they will too!
76. Stopped cursing when Prince did and criticizes others if they curse!
77. HONESTLY would give their liver, lungs and heart to Prince if he wanted a transplant for any reason... not necessarily because he needed it.
78. They don't know what they'll do with themselves when Prince finally passes away.
79. Every hairstyle is ALWAYS the BEST one, until the next one... then that is the BEST one!
80. My whole Bed room is Purple.
81. I think everyone wants 2 b like Prince.
82. Who can be better then Prince
83. Prince Is the Best
84. I'm gonna stroke his Ego Forever and Scream More! More!! Oh,Yes Prince Give Me Some More!
85. They own every video that has been put out and will watch each one over and over. Even though they own every video this does not stop them from tuning into the television whenever a music video or a Prince movie comes on, and they watch it as if it is their first time.
86. They will travel great distances to sit in the front row at Leno and show their support of the NPGMC and scream and hollar on cue!
87. Female fams would divorce their husband or leave their partner when Prince finally realizes they are his soulmate.
88. Would accidentally break their front teeth off if they came across a nude statue of Prince.
89. Prince "communicates" with them via dreams.
90. Prince would REALLY love me if I could only meet him!
91. They have purple-paisley weddings and purple-paisley baby showers.
92. If Prince touches or speaks to them they have now become "friends."
93. If Prince died they would sneak into the mortuary, sever his cock and nuts and have them bronzed... they would keep this family heirloom in a hermetically sealed glass case with internal lighting and a monitored burglar alarm.
94. They always seem to want to move to Minnesota.
95. Believe that Prince's farts smell like a beautiful boquet of flowers.
96. Believe that Prince shits lilac and never needs to wipe because his ass is so perfect that shit cannot stick to it.
97. Prince REALLY could polish a turd.
98. Would drink the water from Prince's toilet... even if they were not dying of thirst.
99. Think that Princefams.com is FAR SUPERIOR to Prince.org but they still come here for some stupid fucking reason.
100. ACTUALLY REFER TO THEMSELVES AS "FAMS," A STUPID FUCKING MADE-UP WORD THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING A RETARDED 4 YEAR OLD WOULD SAY!!!
101. demanding a namecheck
102. easily offended by bits of irony, such as this thread
103. Prince really could have another hit if he wanted to!!!
104. ...if u see anybody from minneapolis on the .org u ask them if they see p floatin around town.
105. They get "princely" vanity plates... and if they're really true to him it will simply say "fam".
106. They give their pets princely names.
107. They will go into the chat room and hope that prince shows up.
108. It is not the fault of NPGMC if they did not follow through with the membership agreement, YOU just didn't use your secret paisley decoder ring to read between the cryptic-message lines.
109. They will continually go to cameltoe.com to gaze upon his great maleness, peeking through his tight little pants.
110. Whichever artist Prince says he enjoys listening to automatically becomes their favorite artist as well.
111. if u think that mpls is the midwestern equivalent of mecca.
112. Prince is NOT in it for the money! He wants the music to be free... really!!
113. They want to organize a fam gathering to attend Prince's mother's funeral... to show their respects.
114. Honestly believe that Prince should be compared to Mozart!
115. Prince really knows how to play jazz.
116. Prince's band is always the best band in the world!
117. No woman would ever leave Prince, prince leaves THEM!
118. Mayte really WAS a princess!!!
119. Dress in silly, Prince-like clothes and make that stupid dove cry thing...
120. Prince is the most consistent artist ever!
121. Had a "Typhoon" hairdo at one point.
122. Think that Prince's head is NOT too big for his body.
123. Think that a couple of mp3 downloads will "shut the naysayers up!!!"
124. That if you don't like Prince, there's something wrong with your DNA.
125. That the Beatles copied ATWIA when they did SPLHCB.
126. That Santana is heavily influenced by Prince.
127. That Miles Davis took trumpet lessons from his purple majesty.
128. That fams everywhere should fast until Prince's next record.
129. Will go door to door to recruit NPGMC members.
130. they truly believe they know prince, when they know full well that they don't know the brotha from adam.
131. Prince is just "eccentric"... that is the reason he never follows through with anything. The poor guy can't help it. It's surely not because he doesn't have any business sense and makes poor decisions.
132. They actually think that it was a good idea for Prince to wear canary yellow assless pants on the music awards. "He's SO daring!"
133. Believe that C.J. should be locked up in prison for making fun of Prince.
134. believe that songs like "sexy dancer" have some deep, deep meanin.
135. That Charles, Andrew and Phillip have some nerve calling themselves Prince.
136. That Prince could replace one of the Three Tenors on short notice.
137. That Jimi Hendrix and Little Richard look like Prince, only taller.
138. That Under the Cherry Moon was unfairly ignored by the Academy.
139. That Prince could reconcile Bush and Saddam Hussein by playing Purple Rain.
140. Have "Friend, Lover, Sister, Mother, Wife" played at their weddings.
141. Stopped voting because Prince doesn't believe in it.
142. call "with you" their official "song"
143. Play silly word games like "individual= In Divide U All"
144. Play silly word games like "individual= In Divide U All"
145. Refer to various media as "whosepapers", "hellevision", and "skagazines"
146. Call all former fans "Banished Ones"
147. Believe that "New Power Soul" and "Rave" were the most under-rated albums of the century
148. HAS A TATOO APPLIED BY ONES SELF OF THE SYMBOL, DURING A FIT OF LATENT TEEN GOTHIC MUTIILATION IN THE MIDDLE OF THIER THIRTYS.
149. someone who says i "completely" understand where P.is coming from in "all" of his views & songs

Please help me ferret these fucks out... add to the list, please.

....
[This message was edited Tue Jan 14 12:28:45 PST 2003 by IceNine]

11. Thought that changing his name to a symbol was the best thing ever.

Prince is godlike and can do no wrong.

althom said:

That is a fine addition to the list!

12 QUICK to use the term "kissin his ass"about others
when actually that's whut they've BEEN DOIN!!!

Any blonde fams here? Just curious...

12. Prince still makes the best music.
13. Prince really cares about his fans.

I just got this one in an orgnote from someone who wishes to remain nameless:

Uses a picture of themselves holding a "One Nite(sic) Alone Live" box set as an avatar.

Fams. We Are:

• studly
  
• smart
  
• elite
  
• temperate
  
• talented
  
• superior
  
• better than fans in ever conceivable way
  
• aromatic
  
• thrifty
  
• humble

They take pictures of themselves with their new addition to their collection!
[This message was edited Thu Jan 9 21:24:33 PST 2003 by AzureStar]

IceNine said:

Agreed

12. Thought that Larry Graham really was the best addition and influence on Princes music.

2the9s said:

Aromatic... you mean smelly??

they still expect a namecheck by Prince ...hey wait...

2the9s said:

Now you are not saying that you are a "fam" are you???

Say it isn't so!!!

:EVIL:

2the9s said:

lol@aromatic ... like crispy duck?

IceNine said:

(CHEEESE!!!)

Whats this embroiling battle betwixt Karen Black's monster and Shortness?

Splain please, i've been gone for a bit.

They also think that:

--Prince is a STUD in bed.

--That Prince is taller than 5' 2"

--That high heels look good on a man.

--That no other artist since 1981 has released a half decent record.

--That it's ok to rip us off cos Prince is an artist, not a businessman.

I could go on and on...

IceNine said:

Who did that?

I notice nobody challenged me on "studly."

salaciousV said:

That was smooth. I like how you asked that.

bkw said:

Go on and on... PLEASE!

althom said:

I don't know... someone just orgnoted me with that... I am not sure who it is, but it is DAMNED FUNNY!

IceNine said:

And that he is the most masculine man they have ever seen.

Anji said:

I had Peking duck for lunch today

Of course, I washed it down with a nice bottle of Sentinal Sauvignon Blanc from Margaret River and three bottles of Becks.

They also think that he is a smooth kisser... even though he looks like he's sucking the face off of the woman.

He is a brilliant actor!

2the9s said:

That's cos we cant stop laughing to type!

I had to add this:

24. The only reason Prince isn't in porno is because his cock is FAR too big.

:LOL: