...and don't explain them! It's better that way. They can be inside jokes you have with fellow Orgers, or with friends out in the real world. Either way, have at 'er. Amuse me.

I'll go first:


-Codios Brand(R) cereal: It's Better Than a Dick in the Eye!

-I'm sorry. Was I being inappropriate?

-OH MY GOD, IT'S WILLIAM SHATNER!

-Sir

-She's not a woman, she's a man. In fact, her penis is so long she has to tuck it into her sock just to keep it down.

-Like hot butter on a bald monkey, that's how smooth I move.

-Dear Twins, we're very sorry we were smashing drunk at your sobriety announcement. Sincerely, ____

-I'd spoon with Michael Jackson. Then I'd fork him.





Your turn.

There's more. I'll add them as they come to mind.

Watch out for the Saturday night drunks.

I like my men chocolate.

My spoon's too big!

I was sitting on a tree log in Africa and I felt called to leave.

I used to like Celebration with the live band. Now it's Hippie Dan and his wife doing sign language and no one's deaf in the place.

Cuss a N@@ga's ass out.

You're the biggest homewrecker of them all, you need to be in church!!

Sarah, get off the phone, I have to call the clothing exchange.

i heard u got 85 cent in ur bank account.


"i heard ur credit card limit was 5 dollars."

"i heard u pooped on the floor."

"i heard that u brought a bag of potato chips to class"

"I heard you got 16 cent on your refund check."

I saw u on cops"

"I heard u were dodging the feds

"ur body is fine but u don't wear deodorant"

"u r fine but im suprised u haven't taken a shower in a week"

Are you sure we can even do that?--I've seen Brokedown Palace. I know what could happen.

-Hey hey hey!

The song is about vaginas.

わからない！！！

-"Good gravy." "Is there any other kind?"

私わ！　バラガ！好きです　よ！！

"he's a chip off the old shoulder"

"KNOW her?!?!?!"

A hand in the bush is better than one in the bird

ZombieKitten said:

or two in the bird can't remember that one now

"what's brown and sticky?" "a stick."

Oh, to be a fly on the wall when some of these came about...

Bacon Quest: The Movie

"Stroke AAANNDD Lick"

"Leeewwaaardd Boat!!"

"I can't find the hole"

"Never leave your Caulk Gun laying around, you don't want people taking your caulk and doing whatever to it, after all it's your caulk and YOU should be able to keep track of your caulk. My GF took my caulk one time and left it out overnight and in the morning I had all this worthless caulk that I didn't know what to do with" (This shit sounded WAAAYYY funnier on the phone!!)

"is it in yet?"

ZombieKitten said:

he didn't know
he was playing
in a cathedral

ZombieKitten said:

Now I get it
inside jokes
hah, hah

PANDURITO said:

What's green,long and smells of ham?


It's an inside joke because a few people know the punchline which makes the question inappropriaye when suggested for funerals or weddings.

Best is at Xmas when u get the jokes in crackers and start to pretend to read "what's green and long.....". Before some people shout "No!!!" and stop me whilst the rest just look on confused

.
[Edited 10/20/09 3:07am]

A beautiful young Blonde woman boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks into the forward cabin at the First Class seats.
Seeing that the First Class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach. The blonde replies, "I'm young ... blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to New York."
Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach. Again, the blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to New York."
The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear.
She immediately gets up, says, "Thank you so much." hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman.
He replies, "I just told her that the First Class section isn't going to New York."

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship." "Thank you!" the woman responded.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots. Immediately, the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?" One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"

Two young men were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared before the judge on Friday.

The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. This will determine if you stay out of jail or not. I'll see you back here in court Monday morning."

Monday morning, the two guys were back in court, and the judge asked the 1st guy, "How did you do over the weekend?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."

"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"

"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this...

_
/ \
\ _ / O

And told them this (pointing to the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (pointing to the small circle) is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (referring to the 2nd guy)

"Well, your honor I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."

"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!"

"Well, I used a similar approach. (drawing two circles)

_
O / \
\ _ /

"I said, [pointing to the small circle] this is your asshole before prison....."

They're not really inside jokes but they're a bit of fun.

Sorry about the last post I stuffed up the Big circle.

purpledoveuk said:

Kermits Fingers by the way

great thread idea!


-posse crimp!!

-I see lemurs

-Al-A-BAMA!!!!

-mama no likey

-you're a fucking Drew!

plus a ton of other "sounds" my best friend & I make that don't really have a spelling but are applied to oh so many situations...

purpledoveuk said:

Boing!

In the borough of Harlem

You make such great choices. What's your secret?

You know, Patty used to fuck him.

I thought that bitch was dead!

chocolatehandles said:

We don't want to know what you stuff up your "big circle" young man!