When you hurt someone that you really care about how do you make it up to them?

Paisley said:

When you find out post it here!

2the9s said:

Is someone being a smart ass?

Tell them u r sorry and talk about what happened and y. It's better 2 lay your cards on the table and let it all out than 2 trying 2 hold it n.

Paisley said:

I wish.

2the9s said:

Oh what's wrong, did someone hurt u really bad? if so I know how you feel, it hurts.

Hmmm... someone once said to me: "The greatest gift you can give someone is understanding".

Understand that they may be hurt by something you may have said or done and give them time. When they're ready to talk and try to work things out, they'll let you know.

AzureStar said:

Well said girl.

Paisley said:

Hugs to you, too...

2the9s said:

2the9s said:

AzureStar said:

wise beyond your years

AzureStar said:

Awww that's beuatiful girl I think I'm going to

4LOVE said:

Take them out to Dinner at a Great Restaurant. Gifts. Making Love.

Paisley said:

Making up, to me, is about "coming clean". Spilling your guts and your thoughts with an open, clear heart and being ready for whatever you might get back. More times than not, the person on the receiving end will sense the genuine emotion coming from you and return it--which allows "making up" to occur naturally and joyously.

It may not come exactly when and how we want it, though...that is critical to understand.

I have always found a present, one that really means something, usually does the trick

Anji said:

Hi, anji!

AzureStar said:

Do you want a present?

Anji said:

lol

Natasha said:

Not an option.

AzureStar said:

This is true!

Sataninas said:

I thought so, as well, when IceNine said it to me.




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[This message was edited Thu Jan 9 6:09:21 PST 2003 by AzureStar]

give them a brand new mumu

I remember seeing some "behind the scenes" special about the old show "One Day At A Time"...and in it, Mackenzie Phillips was talking about her drug use during the run of the show, and that it ended up having a bad effect on the friendship she and Valerie Bertinelli had at the time...

She said that after the show ended, she was still on and off drugs, pretty much harming both herself and those she cared deeply for...until she finally cleaned herself up and kicked the drugs for good...this was years after the show ended...Anywayz, one of the things she regretted was how her behavior had harmed the friendship she had with Valerie, and she still wanted the friendship to continue...so, she wrote Valerie Bertinelli a letter apologizing for the things she did to harm the friendship, and told her she understood why Valerie didn't want a friendship with her right now...but also told her that, whenever she wanted to start the friendship back up, she would always be there, and will always want to as well...

She mailed the letter with her current address and phone number in it, and basically said "Call or write me anytime.."...Well, she never heard from Valerie...so about 4-6 months later, she wrote basically the exact same type of letter to her again, and sent it again...and once again, she didn't hear back from Valerie...so Mackenzie Phillips kept writing that same letter every 6 months, and sending it to Valerie Bertinelli, telling her again how sorry she was, how she understood if she never wanted to talk again, but also saying "If you ever do want to talk again, I'm here"...and this went on for 6 years, without ever hearing anything in return from Valerie...If Mackenzie moved, she'd send a letter with her new address and phone number, again with the overall message of if she ever wanted to talk, to just call or write...

Finally, Valerie Bertinelli did contact her after all those years of not saying anything...I guess Mackenzie felt that if she wanted the relationship to end, she would write back and say "Don't contact me anymore"...and they ended up spending like a week alone together, talking about any and everything that occurred between them...and by the time their time together ended, their friendship was on its way back to where it was before...and you could tell Mackenzie was happy to be reporting that...but what impressed me about Mackenzie Phillips was how perfect everything she did was...she didn't go into detail about what exactly it was she did to harm the friendship, but I was impressed by her desire make sure Valerie Bertinelli knew she was sorry(always important)...that she knew she understood(validated and acknowledged Valerie's feelings)...and that she still wanted and hoped to continue a friendship with her(gave value to Valerie as a person as well as to the friendship they shared)...For her to do so, follow it up by giving her months of space, then reinterate her feelings compassionately and warmly later down the road, was like saying "I'm still here...it's up to you..."

To me, that's an excellent--and extreme(lol)--example of "making it up" to someone you really care about after you realize you've done something to hurt them or the friendship badly...and in reality, after you've apologized, there's nothing more you can do other than leave it up to them, and accept their response...

WB I really liked that...takes alot of love to be persisitent..

Paisley said:

Depends if you meant to hurt them at the time it happened, or it was by accident.
If you meant to hurt them (you were angry and said some things you regret saying) then you should apologize for your behaovior and hope time will heal the pain.
If it was by accident, you need to try and explain the error and hope they'll understand.

sag10 said:

Yes, it does...and you know Valerie Bertinelli, if nothing else, felt loved by her because of it...

wellbeyond said:

And you love me because you understand my spelling!