I thought I'd check here if anyone has had a similar experience, because I don't know what to do about this....

The story is this that there was a workplace-party at a countryside hotel just outside of the city I live in (and work in) last summer. I work in a stationery products store that has outlets all over the country. I currently have less than 3 weeks left of my resignation period (there was a mutual agreement that I quit because they couldn't move me from night shifts back to daytime shifts after being for two months on night-time shifts which I hated).

Anyway, what happened was that everybody was rather drunk and one female store manager, 8 years older than me, from a store that is an hour drive from the city dared me to kiss her "properly" (with tongue), which I did twice, the second time her husband walks by, he storms into their hotel room and she follows him trying to explain what happened. This was in June. One co-worker saw part of what happened and I explained what happened and a few others may have heard about this from me. I haven't even thought about this rather small incident until last night.
I have several co-workers on my Facebook friend list, mainly because they have added me, as I'm not the type to add people I work with to my Facebook.

Problem is, one of my Facebook friends is that store manager. Last night she suddenly pops up on Facebook chat and says "Are U telling everybody I kissed you?" I explained to her that I had only talked about it to a co-worker because I was asked about it. Then again she pops up tonight saying "Are you lying about us to everybody?".... I repeat to her that I didn't make up a big story about what happened to anyone, besides it wasn't that big of a deal. Then she says: "What were you thinking?" and goes offline....

Now, since I'm quitting the company soon, should I be worried about this? Basically I haven't done anything wrong, while she has sent me a few one-line e-mails late at night to my work e-mail asking what I'm doing and asking if I'm working..... I just hope she doesn't make up some harassment story before I leave the company... because if anything, SHE'S doing the harassing.
[Edited 10/10/09 19:25pm]

Dude, you kissed a co-worker? Even on a dare? At a Company Christmas party?







She has to prove that she's asked you to stop harassing her and that you ignored her in order for it to be harassment.

However, if she's willing to sabotage her own career and say the two of you acted inappropriately, she might have something, but it would be your word against hers.


I'm not sure what she's wanting from you now. Is she still trying to keep you in her life to some extent?


lawd, no-co-workers-ever!

It's so weird that she's mentioning this stuff NOW, especially since I have talked to her on Facebook since the incident and neither of us had mentioned that kiss...
I do recall though that one time I was chatting with her (after the incident), telling how I was now on my resignation period and that my boss was giving me a hard time for no reason, she said "Why don't you just come and work at my store?"...
I also met her at another workplace party last month... I didn't interact that much with her but she did once walk up to me and she asked me to go outside with her for a smoke.... she probably knows I don't smoke and I told her that and I stayed inside. I did wonder if "going for a smoke" was code-word for something else but either way I wasn't interested.
Oh, and Imago, it wasn't a Christmas party... it happened in June, it was a kind of exclusive workplace party because it was just for those who were members of the staff "club" - members have paid about 20$ a month to the club. The staff club usually goes every two years to a foreign destination paid for by the club funds (we went to Dublin in 2007) but this year, because of the recession affecting our currency very harshly, the club decided to cancel the planned trip to Berlin and go to this countryside hotel instead.
[Edited 10/10/09 20:10pm]

Save those messages and emails and print them out if possible in case you need evidence that she's the one who has been pursuing you and not the other way around. There may not be any coworkers willing to vouch for you if they still have to work with this person.

It sounds like it's time for you to suggest that keeping in touch with her isn't such a good idea and make sure to keep a copy of that email for the record too. I smell potential drama with this lady.

babynoz said:

Unfortunately I haven't found a way to retrieve those old messages from the Facebook chat... the only stuff I can see is stuff that is sent to my inbox.... she hasn't sent me any messages to the Facebook inbox, just a few short messages to my work e-mail, just one-line messages late at night on the days I'm working night shifts, stuff like: "are u working?" or "what are u doin'?"...
those e-mails are saved in my inbox but they don't prove anything except maybe that she stays up late.
There's no-one in the company that I know that works at her workplace. The only contact she has with us in the city (she works in a small town one hour from the city) is when she contacts someone by e-mail to get some product dispatched to her store and of course she occasionally meets my co-workers during workplace parties. I'm still shocked that she's stirring up shit about this incident NOW when I had almost forgotten about it, besides I never would have kissed her if she didn't dare me to do it.... she's not THAT good-looking.

If she attempts to contact me again about this on Facebook I will try to make it clear to her that I don't want to discuss the matter again, especially since I've been trying to forget that it even happened myself.

The story is too long. My eyes are glazing over

All I can suggest is go to the big boss and report it.

purplehippieonthe1 said:

keep them and print them out as well, if u do contact her via FB print it out and make sure the msgs are dated/timestamped

Personally, I would unfriend her on FB if you seriously are worried--she just seems to have too much access to you. You say that you dont "add coworkers" yet you accepted their friend requests? Why dont you tell your professional associates (even if it is just her) that you would rather stay in touch via professional sites such as linked in, that FB is for personal stuff and you are noticing that you dont wish to share your vacation pics with with girlfriend or your buddies with the people you have ever worked with.

By the way....the emails DO prove something...if somebody is being harassed, they are not constantly initiating small talk with somebody they are trying to get away from--her emails demonstrate that she joyfully and willingly initiates contact.

Additionally, you are not in a position of power over her in her place of employment, and you are not even in the same location....that is significant. I think you may be feeling a bit paranoid at this point, but certainly keep your distance and for goodness sake...defriend her if she is creeping you out.

sounds like your in trouble.

I would do what you've been doing. Keep your interactions brief and to the point and work related. You told her it was no big deal and you have refused to be alone with her (by going outside, etc.). She was probably just trying to figure out where some gossip came from and she stands to lose more from this coming out than you do (being she's the married one and she's still working there). You're only there for a short time longer, chances are nothing further will come of it.

Do your three weeks, keep your head down, and walk away. This is the proverbial storm in a tea cup. Nothing will come of this other than at most a wee bit of drama which you'll handle. No probs!

Or, if you're feeling adventurous, I reckon you could get into her knickers!

block her on face book - problem solved

she's probably just freaking out because you were talking about it again and her husband will get pissed again. I doubt it's because she's obsessed with you or wants to start shit.

regardless of who brought it up again, bad move, you should have told said co-worker to mind their own buisness when they asked because it looks like they've dug this up for drama's sake

Did people not read the entire post? instead of blocking her from FB you need to be asking her what she's heard and from whom and start on some damage control.
[Edited 10/11/09 23:57pm]

I've got a feeling her husband is sending you those messages.
Just stay clear from her - she sounds like trouble!

matthewgrant said:

The thing is that I haven't talked about the incident since June... I only talked about it with my co-worker a few days after the party because he probably saw part of what happened as he was at the party and he asked me about it. I didn't realise anyone was thinking about this stuff now, 4 months later.
Luckily I will be out of the company in about 3 weeks but of course if she or anyone else talks about it again I will make it perfectly clear that it was a mistake to kiss her, especially since she's a married woman, and that I regret it and I will also make clear that nothing else happened except that kiss and that I certainly haven't made stuff up about the incident.