How long does it take u to start adaptin certain habits/rituals/character traits of your partners'?

In one of my past relationships,
it took me only a couple of weeks of being with a guy before I started stammering like him
Stammering! Who would've thought stammering was an "adaptable" trait.
He was the one who pointed it out to me that I've started stammering like him...
then it diminished into disapperance a couple weeks after we broke up...weird

Recently I've found myself laughing like this guy I been hangin with for a short time now

What about u?

LoL.....NeVeR HaPPeNeD 2 Me....

An Aries Is VeRy StUbbOrn In ThEir WaYz

My husband does this thing where he chuckles and follows it up with a falsetto sigh whenever he's REALLY irritated

I caught the bug after a year with dude,,,,,and I didn't realize it untill me & my sister got into a heated debate and I did it,,,,she looked at me like

I also came to appreciate Meryl Streep because of him,,,,,sat me down to watch "Sophie's Choice" and I was sold, before that I thought she was VERY overrated.

He in return took the vanity "stand in front of the mirror for 10 minutes after spotting a dust on your right shoulder, and keep hitting the brakes everytime you pass it by" thing from me

He also became a new huge fan of Prince because of me,,,it didn't take him long(esp when he found out that he was the mastermind behind all of the Time's albums).

nyse said:

So are libras & capricorns when they get toghether

Boy, we're like this

[Edited 9/25/09 21:00pm]

I imitate/do impressions of people. Always have, since I was little.

The cool thing is I can pick up accents pretty easily.

The sad part is I moved to the American South, where everyone has thick accents.

People tease me because I've picked up a drawl. I don't want it. I prefer my "normal" voice, but it stops me cold when I hear me gettin' all twangy.

ThreadBare said:

I wanna hear this "twang" thing you speak of.

People start doing that often already even outside of a proper relatioship. Like mentioned in the top post, all it takes is an attraction and a personal investment of time and energy for another person.

Mimicry is a pleasure-providing phenomenon, and you can easily observe the origin of it in early childhood and how children learn many of their most peculiar traits from other individuals (that they like). There's nothing odd about it though, partners will have to establish a way of communicating that would be their own and that will tie them together. There are also usually some little peculiar things, such as mannerisms, that stick out more.

Harlepolis said:

...bless thA BoTh Of ya...lol

novabrkr said:

so if I laugh like my sister in law when I'm with her, it means I like her?

ZombieKitten said:

All I can say is that you'll probably find her company comforting when you're together. Perhaps it offers a much-needed break during stressful times - and you've already come to expect those occasions. The laughing part could be the most important aspect in that in practical terms. Laughing in particular is a "quick fix" - hard to imagine anything else that would offer immediate satisfaction ("feeling good") as quickly as laughing. Eating and kissing comes very close, of course.

Of course such things just bond people together, although I guess some individuals may you find it disturbing if it's too blatant. It's also hard to say why exactly adults imitate each other's behaviour much in the same way that children do. Theories on identification seldom manage to offer too much definite insight into such things. I definitely don't know myself why a certain specific mannerism becomes imitated while others don't, but if you allow me a bit of esotericism in this regard: there could be said to be a form of pleasure to be found on the act of imitation / mimicry itself that would just seem to insist on some occasions even during adulthood. We as adults might not quite come to understand why we do such things, for the kids it is simply a self-evident thing: they don't ask questions why they are doing such things, they just find it fun or comforting. They go for it, it's the adults that are puzzled over it.

Hah, that's as far as I am going to try to explicate psychoanalytic drive -theory in common terms. I'll have to write a paper pretty much on the same issue this weekend though, so sorry if I'm rambling too much here. "Adaptation" is not really the correct term here though, as it refers to matters of survival and making an effort to fit in a certain situation (or workplace etc.). With these type of imitative acts the interesting part is that they're not entirely conscious either. Which is to say, you haven't necessarily made a conscious choice to act in such ways, it's almost automated it would seem.

Concerning the top post especially: there's nothing that uncommon about people mimicking each other's stammering. Case studies in psyochology / psychoanalysis is full of examples where people "introject" other individuals' speech impediments. It's just a pleasure-providing thing on one level, even if it is hard to understand or to accept from the adult perspective.

.... oh, sorry, paper next!
[Edited 9/26/09 2:54am]

I like her laugh and she is a fun warm person, I guess I do it because it's enjoyable. It's not blatant copying but I notice I am laughing in a different way with her than with her brother for example.

novabrkr said:

Thx for explaining,
but isn't mimicking intentional? I always thought mimicking was intentional, which was why I used the word "adaptation".

People use these words differently of course. It's not wrong to say e.g. "adapting a trait", but the difference would be that "adaptation" usually refers to something that would seem to serve a purpose - in evolutionary sense, adaptation refers.to something a large number of members within a population share and that is beneficial for the species. The phenomenons discussed here don't serve a purpose or a function on that level, they're not a necessity from the perspective of survival. These things are usually perfectly intimate, right?

The word "mimetic" comes from the greek word "mimesis" and that in itself is connected to "mimetic desire" most often - it's a philosophical concept that has a really long history, so discussion on that would defean the purpose. But yes, the word "mimetic" is also sometimes used by evolutionary scientists by referring to certain type of animal behaviour (the chameleon changes its colour). However, I would consider that a bit misleading. The intent or the motive in this so called "mimetic desire" is not conscious.

If you also consider how some children develop speech imprediments, there's very little "conscious activity" involved in it. I know two 30 year old guys who were the best friends as kids and shared a peculiar way of pronouncing the letter "r". They're not that close anymore, but it's easy to observe their old mannerisms surfacing back when they're in the same space. I've known both all my life so it's easy for me to tell.

It's a really hard subject for a proper study though (all articles I've read just sort of leave the subject in the air after bringing it up!). But just consider how these phenomenons indeed occur with people we expect to get something from or someone we feel comfortable being with. I don't think the theories that emphasize the possibility of revisiting some of our childhood experiences with our loved ones (partners etc.) is that exaggerated at all.

Usually it's not harmful though!