So as some of you know, this year has not been a good one for me so far financially, things only just beginning to pick up now. I've spent the year so far in a part-time job that should be more honestly classed as casual, it allowed me so few working hours, with extremely low pay.

To be able to cover bills, rent, and groceries I've been forced to borrow money from my mother. I have every intention of paying back every single cent once I am able, (and hopefully that'll be soon now that I finally have a full-time job) and have even offered to pay it back with interest if she'd prefer.

The problem?

For the past 2 months every single time we talk (long distance, mind you) she launches into a diatribe about how she'd never borrow money from her mother and she'd be "fucking ashamed of myself" if she ever did. She seems to consider my financial issues as somehow done deliberately to bilk her out of her money, though she knows damned well I will pay her in full as soon as I get the chance. Not only does she have my word she can go by, but she has my actions. When I was 21 I ended up in a situation where I needed more money than I had and asked it from her, and paid her back as soon as realistically possible.

She has no reason not to trust me, no reason to assume I'm taking her money for frivolous shit like shopping or gambling or drugs, and no reason to essentially accuse me of planning this year out in such a way to make her miserable. Yeah, because obviously I've been going without food and heat to spite her.





Anyone have any advice?

Swear to God, you guys, if I ever start speaking to my (future) children like this one of you needs to beat me senseless.

You borrowed the money from her you have to take the lumps. You know how she does so if you can make it possible, borrow from elsewhere. And maybe her comments are just her way of expressing not just frustration but her way of showing concern.

my mom is beginning to be a pain in my ass. Just the thought of her makes me sick....hope you guys work things out...good luck.

peacenlovealways said:

I'm sorry but the way you worded everything just made me...

That sucks.

I'm sorry she's not more supportive and understanding.

KidaDynamite said:

I was never good at writing essays or writing in general... Sometimes my wording comes out bad.

meow85 said:

All I can say is just start paying her back once you get on your feet. Pay it bit by bit. Give her a cheque or money order which allows you to keep a good record of what you've paid. Write it down and keep track. Never pay in cash coz then there is no proof to show payment or how much.

Maybe she's upset coz when you borrow it leaves her short of money? I dunno.

I for one will give to my kids anytime they need help. I won't expect it back.

peacenlovealways said:

I wasn't trying to poke fun or anything, you just made me {} a bit...

hey you're not good at writing, I suck at math, it beez like that sometimes!

KidaDynamite said:

hell, I suck at math too.

peacenlovealways said:

See, we already have something in common.

KidaDynamite said:

yep!

well, i guess its a good thing you have a long distance relationship.

you just have to suck it up until you have paid her back..& then i suggest you end all ties. why go through the stress?

its too bad your mum is like that.

meow85 said:

I can sort of relate, I know my mom loves me but I think we would have a better relationship if we were distant from eachother which unfortunely will not happen anytime soon unless I so happen to have a fairy godmother waiting to give me an apartmnt/house and some money to pay for it. My mom and I clash so bad that it's argments everyday or atleast tension and it's stressing me the hell out.

xlr8r said:

It's not possible for me to borrow from anyone else and as I don't own anything of value, have no collateral, and so can't borrow from the bank either.

The woman outright accused me of trying to con money out of her, and strongly implied that my being broke all year was done on purpose to spite her. Since I posted this thread, she took it upon herself to scream at my sister because she's mad at me.


Behaviour like this used to be fairly infrequent from her but it's been steadily getting worse over time. I'm seriously considering breaking ties with her once I do have all the money paid back.

PunkMistress said:

Thanks.


I just don't understand why she's like this. Why give someone money then, even with the knowledge and past experience that everything owed and more will be returned, accuse that person of being poor to spite you?

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

luv4u said:

I fully intend to. That's where most of my first paycheque is going, and she knows that. I even offered to pay her back with interest once I could.

KidaDynamite said:

That really sucks.

for yall

I know it's tough, but I hope you can work it out. She's still here, still in your life and tough as that is right now, it's also irreplaceable.

Good luck, and all my love. Parents are special and life is much different when they aren't here any more.

Pay her back and don't borrow from her again. I agree with your mother.

if she had rather not did it, she should have just said so. I think it's fucked up she would try to make you feel so bad. Hopefully, you are on an upswing now and will have better footing to not have to go back to her.

Dayclear said:

What? That she should be ashamed of herself for asking her MOTHER for help? Do you tell your kids that they should be ashamed of themselves or would you just help them?

I personally would never loan my kids money. I would just give it to them if they needed it.

Erin, I really wish I had the money to give you so you could pay her back. No one should make someone feel like that.

I just want to say that my Mom died a very tragic and painful death, I miss her terribly, and wish I could have saved her from the torture she endured, my advice is to love your Mom and appreciate her, she is the only one you got

Dayclear said:

WTF. Why?

Vendetta1 said:

PurpleRighteous1 said:

That is exactly what i said out loud when I read it.

Vendetta1 said:

Thank you.

I really wish she'd just turned me down when I'd asked. Or at least didn't try to say I'm broke out of deliberate contrariness and spite.

..so you can say, "yeah bitch, i knew you weren't as perfect as i thought"...




j/k it does suck to have to still be our parents children after the age of 20....





hey! you could always set her up and collect the insurance! problem solved!

Sorry to hear about your predicament. Sometimes even being physically far from someone doesn't help to cut an emotional tie. Not that you should becaues she obviously cares for you, otherwise she wouldn't have helped you out.

However, a parent should not instil guilt in a child, ESPECIALLY not when they made the decision to help you. I presume you don't like her swearing at you either. It doesn't exactly make you feel any better.

While you're working on paying her back and all I would also take steps in rectifying this, if you can, because this kind of behaviour is not something that just stops.

If I were you, I would be very honest and next time she speaks to you like that, tell her how it makes you feel & ask her not to. Maybe she's too wrapped up in her own world to realise. Or maybe she is conscious of it and she's just being a pain in the butt. But try and communicate that with her first to see if she'll let up. If she doesn't try and be kinder, I would think about putting some boundaries between you. Boundaries are necessary to maintain a certain level of respect. Sometimes parents are toxic, but I know nothing further of your relationship with her. Good luck!