I'll get the venting over with first:

Ok, so today was the first day back to school.
As many of you know I have just graduated from university. After an entire summer with no luck of employment (anywhere) I was pushed back into school. So now I'm going to college for creative graphic design.

My mom had a huge hand in it all - I felt a lot of pressure from her to go back to school for something unrelated to my degree (i.e. Nursing.) regardless of how well I did in courses that would be required for that program. Anyway, after humouring her and going to an information session, I was told, by numerous administrative peoples on campus that I clearly was not cut out for any medical field - which confirmed what I had been arguing all this time.

So for the entire summer, I've been walking on eggshells while living back home with the parentals. And all that school stuff had a lot to do with it.

So anyway, I'm in school, still crossing my fingers that I'll get the student loan - otherwise, I'll have to drop out because my parents really don't have the money to fund my schooling. Strange how it was my mom's idea in the first place - and I know she means well, but when I try to explain to her how the student loan and postsecondary school systems work, she writes me off like I don't know WTF I'm talking about, regardless of having 4 years experience with it already or not. So I just do what she says (either that or have her make life extremely difficult for me at home)



So it's the first day. So far so good. She's mad at me ( ) because my professors are telling me that the mac I'm working on now is not up to par with the software and file type that I'll be using (i need a new OS, more hard drive and waaaaay bigger ram. i'm working on 512M... so yeah, obviously.). So she's not in a great mood. At all. And of course, I'm to blame.














This is what I want to know, are any of you like me - in the sense that when you get home from a long day, you need at least an hour of just you time? No talking to you, no questions, just, peace?
I came in and was just looking for a bite to eat, and I get charged at. I just answer with "I'm tired" and she loses it, replying "YOU'RE tired? Well I'm EXHAUSTED." As if I was trying to compete to see who's having a rougher go.

I don't really know how else to respond than with silence. So I STFU'd, and went straight up to my room. Which is what I was trying to do in the first place.

I'm just so... frustrated.

I've learned never to tell my mother if I feel bad, because it turns into a competition.

You know...

"Well, God help you if you feel like that now, because I'm 63, so imagine what I feel like? You've got nothing to complain about!"

Yadda, yadda, yadda...

GirlBrother said:

I HATE that. I really do.
You're right, I'll just have to shut up and put up for the next 2 years, or at least until I can afford to move out.

She also has a knack for listing the things she's done in her day to confirm that she is really tired.

And it's always in an accusatory tone, she's always on the fucking attack.

vent threads do help a little, while not solving anything they do get things off your chest

hope your loan comes thru

prb said:

I didn't post with intentions to solve, but yeah, it did help
and thanks, let's hope i won't be a college dropout

There were times in my teenage years that I never saw or spoke to my parents all week.

So I got used to 'me' time. In my ordinary grownup life, I had a roomate in the Air Force and we had to share a dorm. As a result I was ALWAYS out clubbing and never ever home. He was a dorm rat and rarely left his room. After a while that changed, and we worked different shifts, so that helped too.

But yeah--Whether I'm in a good or bad mood, I must absolutely have alone time. My ex girlfriend and I got along famously that way because we had to have alot of alone time too. It's not that I'm not a social creature--I used to be the glue that kept some of my friends together in social gatherings...It's that I can only have these things happen on my terms, in my own time, the way I want it.



Your mom loves you. Your situation is not fun because you're under stress. You're frustrated about a LOT more than just your mom...I'm assuming.

Just keep fighting. Turn off the 'emotion' switch and march on. There's nothing else I can offer for advise. Else, my life would be perfect too.
[Edited 9/8/09 14:55pm]

sammij said:

your too talented for that.

Imago said:

thank you
and you're right, there's a lot more than just my mom that i'm really brooding over right now, but at the centre of it all, there she is.

prb said:

Yeah, but I'm definitely broke enough
I could apply for all the scholarships and grants that I want, but it's whether or not I'll get them that determines my position as a student there.
When the student loan is finally processed, and if it's not enough to cover everything, I'm actually screwed.

My dad wants to help, but my mom is standing in the way.. it's too much to really explain and it's not really why I started the thread, but when I get going, I just start venting all over the place.


I just like being able to come home and just do my own thing for a bit, even if it's just for 20 minutes... I just don't like being attacked the moment I step through the door.
And I can't say anything about it. It's mom. It'd be my ass if I ever spoke back to that woman.
[Edited 9/8/09 15:02pm]

sammij said:

OMG! My mother does that too.

"I had to get-up at six and make your father's lunch, because you know what he's like in the kitchen... Then I had to make my breakfast... Then I washed the dishes... Then I had to iron my blouse for work... Then I had to walk to the bus which was late... And it was raining... And I got soaked right through to the skin... Then I was at work all morning... And after work I walked into town, to get the special offers at the store which is basically a 50 minute walk out of my way... And I had three bags of shopping, which I had to carry on the bus... And they were heavy bags... And when I got home, I just wanted to put my feet up and have a coffee, but your Aunt Joan called... You know your Aunt Joan has got to go have an operation, because she's in real excrutiating agonizing pain every waking minute of her life?... And Joan was on the phone for three hours - and it's not like I was relaxing... Then I had to put the shopping away... I loaded up the washing machine... Then I finally ate - a piece of toast with marmalade, because I didn't have time to sit still... I ironed all the bath towels... Cleaned all the windows, inside and out - in the rain... I cleaned all the windows in the pouring rain... Then I had to make your father's dinner... And then I had to wash the dishes... And I was so exhausted that I went to bed at nine o'clock... And that's been my day...

How was your day again?"

GirlBrother said:

yeeeup, that's my momma
and it's not like my mom ain't a super woman, she does do a LOT to help the family along, and keep it together... but she's not Superwoman....


I'm sure by grace of genetics, or just being older, i'll end up doing the same to my kids ( )
i think i'll be a lot more mindful of it though

OMG Sammi. I can totally relate. My dad is a talker. As soon as I got home, I hadn't even put my man-bag down and there he was talking my head off. I just looked at him like a deer in the headlights. He never had a clue until I flat out told him.

I need an hour of nothing after work.

First, I'm sorry U're going thru that. I totally understand... at my age the "discussions" with my Mom are about why I'm not married and have no children (there was another thread where I explained it, and Orgers got it- someone call my Mother! ) "I just want U to be happy" she says. I called and begged my sister to explain that bugging me is what's making me unhappy.
Whoo! Didn't mean to vent...

To answer your question: Yes! 1000x Yes! I talk all day with students and other staff. When I lived with my family and I first came home, I just wanted to be quiet. I used to ride around after work just for the solitude. My Dad wanted to "chat" and ask me all kinds of small talk BS.
One day I was particularly grouchy, and he said, "I guess U don't want to talk."
"I don't" was the wrong answer! He held a grudge for 2 weeks!

Now that I live alone, I WELCOME that moment when I close the door behind me and there are no other voices!

miguel, chocolate thanks...

i just had a talk with the 'rentals, my mom decided to get the new laptop for me - all the while yelling at me explaining why she's so mad with me.
apparently, i act like i don't want to be around her...
which isn't true. by any means.
I love spending time with my mother, but when it comes down to her yelling at me for every move I make, all day, every day... i really don't want to put myself in that environment, especially going back to school, and commuting this time around...
i'm stressed as it is...

i feel so incredibly guilty about this whole thing. i don't even want to go to school anymore because my parents are unhappy with the bills... (on top of other financial stresses they've got going....all unexpected, but all necessary.)

i don't know what to do or say anymore... "thank you so much" or "i'm sorry" only receive a as a response...
and i never know how to escape that position because i'm there all the time.
and she wants the money back as soon as i get my student loan, which probably will leave me with nothing (no living money at all.) to show for myself...

i feel like vomiting, i feel like crying, i don't know what else to do.
the next 2 years are going to suck.

i hate that money is doing this to my mother.
ahh, fuck.

Yes. I'm like that. After school I truly can't stand people asking me how my day was and stuff. I just want to be alone

That sounds like a supremely frustrating/tiring situation to be in

I so wish I could afford a new ass Mac and send it to you

sammij said:

Yes.

My children have been advised to remember this if they don't want to get snapped at.

Alej said:

thanks alej my love
believe me, if i could afford it, i wouldn't even ask my parents about it
but they wanted me to go back to school
and this is what it takes...
and because she can't show her anger to the institution (as if they'd care), she takes it out on me...
...

PunkMistress said:

see? if my mom were like that we'd be cool as ice

sammij said:

Well, your mom sounds like she has...communication issues.

sammij said:

That's just wrong

PunkMistress said:

MAJORLY.

Alej said:

that. emoticon.

i'm a fucking wreck. i'm sitting here in the dark crying and laughing at the same time...

I would come home and it would look like a fire just broke out in my apartment. My roommate and her friends went flooding out like nobody's business. So yes, I need nappy time after work

@ nappy time

the hardest part about that is that i can't even explain that to her, she won't have any of it, she'll consider me separating myself from the family...

I am sorry your mom is an empire state tall hurdle in your life but this makes me so happy that my parents NEVER controlled me and I don't have to answer to them except out of love.

sammij said:

Next time she goes on like this tell her you screwed 30 guys and worked 17 different street corners in order not to get caught by the police just so you could buy that new Mac you need.

NOW who's tired Mama??!

I'd pay to see her expression

sammij said:

!!!!!

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

oh lawd !!!

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Before or after she bludgeons me to death?

She's paying for the mac, eventhough my dad said he would, she refused... and scolded me for it.
ITS
NOT
MY
FAULT
THE
PROGRAM
REQUIRES
IT.


Really, if it didn't cost just as much to upgrade everything on THIS mac (and if it wasn't acting all shady to boot), i would've done it by now!

sammij said:

No sense of humor I see Honestly, I could become a street worker and my mother would not interfere

Is your mom a natural born Canadian cuz this behavior is very UN CANADIAN!