Why hold onto someone who's betrayed U
or just plain incapable of being a friend.
Discard and reload...too many people in the world.

lying like a dog about stupid shit.

AnotherLover2 said:

He was the type of guy who wanted 2 keep her away from all of her friends and she was dumn enough 2 fall 4 it. No they weren't together at the time we slept together they had broken up right b4 that.

as an EX-DOPEFIEND...
i have an outlook on friendship that goes like this.
after i got clean, i still had my friends who USED.
at first they said "YOU REALLY QUIT...EVERYTHING???"
and i said yes. these are questions that a friend will ask.
" BUT REALLY... DON'T YOU WANT TO GET HIGH RITE NOW???"
and all i needed to say to my FRIENDS was "NO, I DON'T GET DOWN LIKE THAT NO MORE"
there were some who made the mistake of offering me DRUGS
or a DRINK a SECOND TIME, to which i replied, "as i told you once already, i'm not into that anymore don't ask again" MY FRIENDS NEVER DID...
anyone who asked me a third time, didn't even hear my voice.
as soon as the words were out of their mouthes, i ignored them. or had someone tell them to get the fuck out of my face.
THE POINT TO ALL THIS IS...
there are people you know who are not your friend, no matter how close or how long you've known them.
i call them KLING ONStheir whole time arround you has been spent in the dream of your demise for their happiness.
if you walk away from them, you are not ending a friendship.

Supernova said:

miss me?

Christopher said:

You wish!

origmnd said:

This statement makes me think about forgiveness, and how much is too much. 1 strike, 2 or 3? Is it the number of times betrayed or the depth of the betrayal?

(Goodness, y'all are making me really think! )

AnotherLover2 said:

It CAN be complicated.

About a year ago, on New Year's Day actually, I ended my relationship with my best friend of many years. I loved her so much, and we had such an (ahem) intimate relationship, but she's one of those girls who jumps from one asshole to the next, and changes who she is with each jump. Her most recent jump was to a yuppie materialistic homophobic military asshole, and she become a yuppie materialistic clingy fool in response, and I just couldn't look past that veneer. I wasn't sure I knew who she really was anymore, and I just didn't have the energy to care.

The good news is, after I broke up with her I happened to form a friendship with the only nice guy she ever dated (and who she promptly dumped), and now he's one of my best friends, even though we've only known each other for a short time. I call him my silver lining. He shows me more caring than she ever did.

But I miss her. Friends are precious. Every time I hear 17 Days I think of her and wish it could have been different.

Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.~Aristotle

A man is known by the company he keeps out of.~A. Craig

Who friendship with a knave has made is judged a partner in the trade.~John Gay

To find a friend one must close one eye; to keep him, two.~Norman Douglas

A true friend unbosoms freely, advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably.~William Penn

Distance preserves friendship.~anonymous

No enemy is more dangerous than a friend who isn't quite sure he is for or against you.~anonymous

Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing.~anonymous

Anyone can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend's success.~Oscar Wilde

"Stay" is a charming word in a friend's vocabulary.~Amos Bronson Alcott

Don't tell your friends their social faults; they will cure the fault and never forgive you.~Logan Pearsall Smith

To have a good enemy, choose a friend; he knows where to strike.~Diane De Poitiers

Little friends may prove great friends.~AESOP

Knock your friends often enough, and soon you'll find no one at home.~anonymous

Choose your friends like your books: few but choice.~anonymous

He who judges between two friends loses one of them.~anonymous

One should go invited to a friend in good fortune and uninvited in misfortune.~anonymous

Speak well of your friend; of your enemy say nothing.~anonymous

Tell me who your friends are, and I'll tell you who you are.~anonymous

A relationship is a living thing. It needs and benefits from the same attention to detail that an artist lavishes on his art.~David Viscott

Take time to be friendly. It is the road to happiness.~anonymous

Friendship is like money: easier made than kept.~Samuel Butler

A friend is a present you give yourself.~anonymous

Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.~Mark Twain

Friendship is only purchased with friendship.~anonymous

Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.~Chinese Proverb

Santa Claus has the right idea: Visit people once a year.~Victor Borge

Everybody forgets the basic thing: People are not going to love you unless you love them.~Pat Carroll

Never explain -- your friends do not need it, and your enemies will not believe you anyway.~Elbert Hubbard

True friendship is a plant of slow growth and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.~George Washington

The better part of one's life consists of his friendships.~Abraham Lincoln

"True Friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost"~Charles Caleb Colton

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy,like art.. It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival"~C.S. Lewis

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us"~anonomyous

"It's the friends you can call up at 4am that matter"~Marlene Dietrick

"Fate chooses your relations, you choose your friends"~Jacques Delille

"Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes"~Proverb

The best mirror is an old friend~Proverb

"An honest answer is the sign of true friendship"~Proverbs 24:26

"The greatest love a person can have for his friends is to give his life for them"~John 15:13

"If you judge people,you have no time to love them"~Mother Teresa

"I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody."~Ben Franklin

"What is a friend? A single soul in two bodies"~Aristotle

"My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me"~Henry Ford

"A friend walks in when the rest of the world walks out"~anonymous

"We are all alone until we accept our need for others"~anonymous

Ok, so far I've asked others and myself: 1. what things are friendship-busters?; 2. is my friendship contingent upon how they behave towards me exclusively, or does it also extend to how they treat others?; and 3. to what lengths should a person go to forgive a friend and keep a friendship alive?

tackam said:

It's painful, isn't it? Most of the time it seems cut and dried, as far as who was in the "right" or "wrong" of the situation. But how do you know the difference between needing to change yourself and your expectations from that friend vs. deciding the friend needs to be eliminated from your life? In other words: how do you know if it's you or them with the problem?

Does that make sense?

00769BAD said:

..I call them barnacles...

AnotherLover2 said:

Good question. You've got to be honest with yourself about
the reason you are in a relationship with that person. If
you are not getting what you need to grow, maybe it is time
for a parting of the ways. The truest friendship will
come together again when the time is right, and the growth
will be acknowledged by both.

It's really difficult, especially when it's a close friend. I had this happen to me recently, we were close as ever & had been friends for years (double digits!). For a long time I thought I must have done something wrong, kept trying to figure out what I did to strain things so much.

Turns out the blame was OURS - this person handled emotions & hurt feelings differently than me. Everytime I did or said something that rubbed them the wrong way, they weren't honest about it, bottled it up & chose silence. Lack of openness & honesty in any relationship can kill it, especially w/ me: their silence was an assault on my nature as a communicative person, I literally can't tolerate shit like that. BUT I definitely did things to prompt this person to that point - sometimes I knew what they were & sometimes I didn't. I should have done a better job of recognizing what was going on with or without them telling me, but I didn't. Their silence certainly didn't help me change my behavior.

VERY painful, took a long time to stop blaming myself & feeling wounded (about a year to look @ it clearly, w/o a veil of pain). In the end we've both got some growing to do, too bad we'll do it apart b/c we can never TRULY be friends again. Even aquantances @ this point would be wierd. Sometimes that's just the way shit falls.

Take a good look @ yourself, be honest with yourself BUT take a good look @ your "friend" & the entire situation also. It could be anything - some people don't know how to have/keep friends, honestly. They could have been treated like shit all their lives & have a load of issues that have little or nothing to do with YOU. Just don't be too hard on yourself & learn from the experience - it hurts now but in time, you'll be better & tougher for it...







shank.
[This message was edited Mon Jan 6 5:15:38 PST 2003 by CalhounSq]

AnotherLover2 said:

Yeah, it makes sense, and in this case it was really me. She was perfectly willing to have our frienship be flexible. I wasn't. I couldn't watch her be like that.

Doves,
Mel!ssa

i generally don't end real friendships. yes, sometimes our friends hurt us, intentionally or not. when a friend hurts me, i work the issues out and move forward.
because a lot of times someone's PERCEPTIONS of an action are not an accurate assessment of the intent behind the action.

but when someone does sometrhing bad to me (or does something i PERCEIVE as bad to me) i try to look at it like, 'ok, that person fucked up, but i don't hate THEM, i just hate what they DID". friends should support each other even when someone screws up. i give my friends a lot of second chances

*edited because aunty X was sharing WAY too much with the good people of the ORG
[This message was edited Mon Jan 6 16:12:31 PST 2003 by XxAxX]

generally i hold on to friendships forever...most of my friends and i are as comfortable (with each other) as a pair of old socks (sorry to my friends for the analogy)...but sometimes something happens that either you are unable to forgive and/or forget (like lying to you bold-faced) or just plains hurts so much (like breaking your heart) that its almost impossible to move forward with the friendship. sometimes no matter how much both parties still want to be friends maybe one person feels more (than just friendship) but the other one 'is not ready' or perhaps he/she just doesn't want to...in any case maybe you just have to move on which can be difficult, gut-renching even, and it is quite possible that if the friendship is say...um...i don't know 10 years old or whatever...you might cry about the loss everyday, wish things could be different but yet you know, in what little bit of your heart is left, that maybe it is best for your health/sanity/self-respect to just go away...disappear


sorry...i was off on a tangent there...a subject WAY to close to home...

I don't think a TRUE friendship can end.You may separate and go your separate ways,but if and when you meet again the magic comes right back.Anybody who purposely screws me was never a friend in the first place

4LOVE said:

That's the truth, Ruth!

Supernova said:

I thought you said your middle name began with Y?

Sleepy edit..
[This message was edited Mon Jan 6 16:45:09 PST 2003 by Lleena]

4LOVE said:

Well said boy!

4LOVE said:

Or, people who are unwilling to continue to be friendly, care not what you say...Yep. I'd say they were never friends in the first place.

Nice comment, C.

BattierBeMyDaddy said:

Tru Dat

4LOVE said:

How are ya, C?

BattierBeMyDaddy said:

Doing ok,in the process of moving and i'm working like a dog.But i can't complain.How are you doing??

4LOVE said:

Not too shabby, considering I'm back in la escuela now. I tried to fix up my schedule today, but it'll be tomorrow or Wednesday before they even get to me.

I can't get Artiga for Spanish II, because he only has it 4th block, and that's the only block band is offered, so I'd have to drop band to get the man. But that's okay. ^_^ I suppose one semester was enough.

I rediscovered I'm mathematically retarded, and rightly annoyed Alex today. I'm not sure if he is some sort of math genius, or if I'm just facking stupid, but, heh heh, I asked his help, and he did about half of my worksheet, attemtping to explain how to do this algebra shite, and I was like, "Huh?" So he got frustrated and gave up.

But I can't complain!

4LOVE said:

I SAID THAT!!!
kinda sorta...
and a lil bit in a different kinda way...
BUT I SAID THAT!!!
and RHONDA never speaks to me...

:I: don't trust anybody, which is Y :I: record music by myself!!!

It has its down side tho', getting involved with some1 is not an easy task if U live without trust.

:I: cut off a lot of 'friends' around 2001 because the only person who will look out 4 U is YOURSELF.

However my faith in humanity (or inhumanity as 'twere) is getting gradually restored with each ORGasm... hell, a good thing seems 2 B hap'nin'!



'dre

XxAxX said:

I definitely hear ya on the "perception" and "intention" thing. But I know of people being in situations where the friend does the same hurtful things over and over and over again, even after they've been told how their actions are interpreted as hurtful. Something's gotta give, huh, so hopefully a compromise is in order. But if the friend doesn't meet you halfway, then what?