Hey, guys. I've been dealing with this for a couple of weeks now but today I'm just so mad at myself. I was going through some videos on youtube and some other people's blogs and I've realised I truly am doing absolutely nothing with my life.

To some people it may seem like going to college is a big deal and actually something important. I would agree if I were going to college for something that I'm actually passionate about, something I sincerely want to do. But no, I'm in engineering (yuck!) and really doing nothing else.

I go to school and sit in a classroom with people I don't necessarily like for seven hours a day. I don't find anything respectable about that. If they, at least, were classes I like, then I would have absolutely no issues with anything but, really? I mean, I've always loved Math but I am done with it. I'm done with Physics, I'm done with Electronics, I'm done with that school.

People think I'm a pessimist and bring myself down because I say that if I drop out, then I'll have nothing to do. I am not a pessimist. I'm broke, I can't do anything else. Art school is extremely expensive, and even if I got a job, a scholarship and a loan, it is still too fucking much money. The fact that I live in a city where it's all basically about administrative majors, engineering or commerce doesn't help much either.

I see all these wonderful people doing a bunch of things like going to fashion school, art school, music school - stuff I really am passionate about - and may not know a lot about, but when you have passion for something (at least this is how it works with me) you even enjoy all the hard work and long days. Needless to say I am not even a bit passionate about electronics.

All the drama previous to July of this year is gone. I sincerely do not even care about those people anymore. My state has absolutely nothing to do with people. It's simply the frustration I experience with myself and the fact that (at the expense of sounding very, very, very ungrateful and wrong) I live in this city.

I need some stimulation and I know a lot of people will be disappointed if I drop out of school - more weight on my shoulders. I'm sincerely lost again (for different reasons as before, clearly). I have no idea what I could do about this situation. I guess the closest thing I have to something "artsy" is an Architecture program, but I don't think that's going to satisfy me, either.

I'm really powerless right now. More than powerless, I feel helpless.

Alej said:

don't be so hard on urself - i 2 feel like that sometimes and i just said yesterday 2 my girlfriend that i needed some inspiration, something or someone 2 get me motivated about life
for me i seem 2 need someone in my life in order 2 feel complete - sad i know but i believe in that stuff called love
i mean u feel like ur on top of the world when ur in love and u can do anything
i miss that (wrong thread) back 2 u...
i think we all feel like that at some point though and u'll get though it one day at a time
ur in my thoughts

The fact that you are even having this conversation at such a young age is astounding really! You care about your life and that is wonderful. Have you considered an on-line education?

I'm awful at advice. I'm a good listener though.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I guess the best thing to do is to focus on what you really want and then make a move. Or you can tough it out get a job in the field that you're studying, get paid and then make the switch. That may take a while though.

Sorry I couldn't be any help.

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

I'm beginning my education at 39/40. I had no idea what I wanted when I was his age, glad I waited. But that isn't for everyone! If you can get an education, DO IT but yes, try working toward your goal. Money is an evil obstacle but where there's a will there's a way. Necessity is the mother of invention. You have a need Alej, invent the mother for it

I can relate. I think most people can. It sucks.

It's totally lame that you can't afford to do what you love.

I hope things get better.

In the meantime, masturbate and eat some ice cream.

Awwwww, Alej... I'm sorry you feel this way.

When I get chance, I'll send a proper Orgnote; for now, just try not to be too hard on yourself. It's good to question these things, trust me. You sound far more enlightened than I was when I was your age. And you're lucky to be young enough to COMPLETELY change the game. You just gotta stay determined, focused and believe in yourself. Do NOT lose sight of what you want to do.

The only other thing I'll say is try not to do anything too rash; not now, anyway. Just sit this through a little, re-direct that energy in a positive way and take it from there. You're not alone, though - I'm willing to bet that there are LOADS of Orgers who feel this way. Trust me on that.

BIG hug, fella.

monkeyrose said:

Thank you

I've been single for a whole year now but being with someone is something that, at this point, I truly don't care about I'm better off away from people.

I just feel like I'm doing nothing important with my life

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I haven't. I don't think that would work very well, though If I don't have good teachers showing me HOW to do things, I don't learn very well

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it then.

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

That would be ideal but, I'm serious. There isn't anything that I can do here and I don't have the money to move somewhere else

JDInteractive said:

If I could, I wouldn't feel like this now, would I?

Alej said:

Ranting on here to a bunch of strangers doesn't help either.

onenitealone said:

I actually talked to my mom about this today

She wasn't very understanding but oh well. I do feel better that at least she knows I feel like this.

Like you said, I'll try to focus my energy on something positive, finish school and then seeing about doing something else That way if it doesn't work out, I could go back to engineering


:notmakingmuchsense:

JDInteractive said:

It beats the hell out of keeping it all to myself. And there are a bunch of people here who I've never physically met and do not consider strangers

Awww our sweet loving hot Alej is having a hard time.
I remember going through this with my son a few years back, he was also in engineering, electrical engineering to be precise for 2 years, before he decided he was not passionate about it. He came home from the University and took some classes in community college while he regrouped and figured out what he really wanted to do was become a journalist. He went back to the University the next year and graduated in 2007 with a degree in Journalism. He now has a job at the local paper, and is as happy as can be. Not rich, but can make an honest living doing something he loves. I hope it all works out for you Alej...I know we are all routing for you.

Alej said:

As your Fairy-Godfather I'll help you when I win the lottery. It's my duty. Until then hang in there.

M

Alej said:

It does make sense. TOO much sense, I hate to say.

I'll go into this via Orgnote but, yeah, I had that chat with my mother when I was determined to leave the Uni course I hated. At first: sympathy. Then (last minute, when she realised I was serious): denial. I know that feeling you're going through - and it IS hard; but, cheesy as it sounds, things could always be worse. Just stay focused for now; work hard, play hard. Or, at least, be kind to yourself.

Take care!

JDInteractive said:

You've got it backwards.

Venting and seeking support can help.

Being an ass for no reason, however, doesn't help.

PunkMistress said:

I know I'm being an ass I guess but this kind of rant makes me just wanna rattle their neck and say 'do something about it first!'.

JDInteractive said:

Maybe he needs help developing a gameplan. The org can be like a thinktank

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

JDInteractive said:

I hear you.

But he's really young and having a tough time. I don't think he's whining and complaining, just at a really tough and frustrating time in his life. It sucks to realize that you know what you want to do with your life, but because you don't have money you don't see a way of accomplishing it. I think that's totally valid.

It's easy to say "do something about it," but the reality is, not everyone is privileged enough to do that something - especially when certain types of education are prohibitively expensive for someone who doesn't come from money.

Now, people who create threads crying about how their lives suck and whine about the same shit over and over again, while clearly doing nothing to help themselves? Those people I want to choke. But I don't think this thread falls into that category.

onenitealone said:

ing

PunkMistress said:

N. O.

PunkMistress said:

you

Alej said:

Jeezus, that was way harsh of me. Sorry.

As much as you don't see it now, the course you're on is a good one to be on.

Engineering may not be your life's passions, but it is certainly a means to an end.

VERY few people your age have the resources (financial or otherwise) to pursue their dreams. You are well on your way to doing so.

You may not love the work, but if you stay disciplined for awhile longer and I do mean awhile, you will have the means to follow your dreams before you are 30.

Stay in school. Get the degree. Make smart decisions (ie, don't run up unnecessary debt). Take the free room and board from your folks (if you are indeed doing that) for as long as they will let you and if at all possible save any money that you can.

Work that engineering degree some years and again, make smart decisions and save.

You can have what you desire, just maybe not now or soon. It's all down to how committed you are to your dreams. What are you willing to sacrifice for them? Some years of boredom?

Hang in there. Hopefully, one day you'll look back on this from your artist loft in whatever city it is you want to be in and think, "THANK GOODNESS I'm not a freaking engineer ANYMORE!!!"

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

The .org is a great thinktank

Been there. Completely understand