I just got off the phone with someone I had not seen or heard from in over 10 years
She's married, with a 3 year old daughter now and living in Germany!

When I last saw her, we had become somewhat estrange due to some silly jealousy drama between her ex-boyfriend and myself. Even though I never dated her, I was always jealous of her boyfriends. We left on a bitter note and I never heard from her again until she found me on facebook 2 days ago.

While we were talking, I realized that her world was 'expanding'. When I first met her back in '95, she was a small town girl from Massachusetts, extremely ignorant of diversity (never met an Asian, never new a latino, never been in a gay bar, etc.) and she changed very little the years we hung even though we were very close.
I always assumed she would move back to her small town, find a man and just 'disappear'. I don't mean any of this in a bad way of course. There's nothing wrong with doing that. It's not my thing, but we all march to the beat of our own drum.

Anyways, here I am listening to her talk about love and life and such and I came to the realization that her world was expanding and she was adapting to it. It seems when people's worlds expand, they become more positive. They become more energetic. She definately sounded sooooo much different from the girl I knew just 10 years ago, and when she spoke to me she said I sounded like the 'same old Dan I love'.... boy will she be in for a surprise . But it got me thinking.... have I really changed at all in 10 years? I've not for having to keep a very tight budget and studying my arse off, I'd still be doing roughly the same things she and I were doing when we hung out. And here she was, married with a husband and daughter. And ironically living in Stuttgart Germany of all places--10 minutes from where I was staying in April! She's even looking for a position for me in her company

My world is expanding too I guess, but I'm not actually feeling it. This is because the things I need to do to get to where I need to be are so taxing and so stressful that it feels like my world is in fact shrinking. I don't have time to talk to many folks. I'm orging and studying, orging and studying, and I have to fit other...erm..pursuits into the mix like scheduling salon visits.

I've seen people's worlds shrink before. I witnessed it happen to some of my friends who got married. I've seen it in my own life. And I can point at any number of factors, but I'm realizing more and more, despite the events in our lives and the circumstances of it, we can make little changes to swing the pendulum in one direction or the other.

I'm like in a daydream right now. Amazing how small our worlds are collectively, but how big the can grow individually if we're open to it.



Is your world expanding or shrinking?

Just goes to show... you never know how things will turn out.

I have 'expanded' a lot in the last few years... tho for different reasons... I'm still living in the same town and now have a husband and 2 kids, but people who haven't seen me for a few years are usually surprised at how confident and outgoing I am now.
At the age of 18 I had never been out of the country, I had never tried foreign food, never stayed in a hotel and didn't think my life would amount to that much.
I got a good job, met some great people over the years and got some confidence. I've done so much in the last 15 years that I would have never imagined doing when I was younger.
I often think that if I was surrounded by differnt people, I would still be living a boring life, not even knowing what was out there waiting for me.

Totally expanding!!!

We just moved down off a mountain top into the city. We found a small 2bdrm. half a block from Lake Merritt... EVERYTHING is in walking distance!!! Shops, playgrounds, theaters you name it it's practically next door! Pizza Place 1 block away with beer on tap!!

At night you can hear people talking, cars, cats, dogs, and so on. In our previous place... deathly quiet, like axe-murderer quiet


^^^^ we're right here,in this lower left corner!

our theater...

both? is that an answer?

I'm giving up old habits for new ones. I'm much less social than I used to be and spend a LOT more time alone and at home. But at the same time I'm doing all kinds of things I didn't before. And I'm quite happy with it all.

I guess it is expanding. I am in a relationship with someone who I could have never imagined to be with. I am making experiences in my life I would have never thought I'd made. But I am not happy and wish I still had my old, boring, "safe" life.

RenHoek said:

So you are staying in the USA and won't move to Germany?

Interesting to think about.

Mine is shrinking. Intentionally. I let it expand out of control, and it kinda broke me. I don't trust anybody anymore. I don't believe in the things I used to believe in. I need to find someplace solid to stand, and THEN it can expand again. And it will.

I've been in a shrinking period for a few years, but I feel ready for some expansion again. I'm still miles from where I was 10 years ago...

Serious said:

For the time being...

I had extraordinary difficulty in find work overseas and things got really awesome for my personal company (www.downtown-interiors.com). Things got really good for my wife as well so we're gonna stick it out for a bit longer...

Current goal = European Orger Tour 2010!! England, Holland, Germany, Austria , Italy...

maybe some Bay Area Orgers would care to join us??

Interesting. I just got home from a trip to Cleveland. Visiting always finds me melancholy, because it seems so many parts of my past -- old friends, old hangouts, my childhood home, relatives, the personality of my old neighborhood, even my own old likes, loves, fears, hopes, etc. -- are dying, going away or evolving into something I hardly recognize... and sooo quickly. I guess you could call that "shrink." But at the same time new things -- people, settings, memorable moments, personal outlooks, hopes, hates, dreams -- are turning up to replace them... never quite as quickly or fabulously as I'd like , but it's happening at a good pace nonetheless. I think about the past 10 years, and it's dazzling what new variables have worked their way into my life... some without my even taking full notice!

In the aggregate, then, I guess my world is neither shrinking nor expanding; it's simply replacing itself, "molting," if that makes any sense.
[Edited 8/23/09 19:52pm]

That's hot.

There seems to be a balance. People come, people go. I have been surprised by how many people have popped up through the advent of facebook in the last few months that I NEVER thought I'd hear from again. But my day-to-day, face-to-face experience has gotten significantly smaller since I moved. I think I prefer it that way.

it has expanded sort of, I think but I'm still mostly hermetlike

ZombieKitten said:

Hey Zombie! I've gone hermitlike too (moving to Katoomba of all places just recently) but I find that this is actually expanding my world.

I went to a high school which was pretty much for misfits who had been expelled or some such thing from other schools. A lot of us were (although lovely people) quite scattered, to say the least. Many of us weren't expected to survive (and in fact quite a few of us didn't, sadly) from there I found myself transplanted thousands of miles away to Japan, which forced my brain to expand quite quickly and scarily. After settling in to a happy and horrible seven year relationship my life went through some enormous upheavals, featuring two of the three D's (death and desertion). A fantastic government job picked me up and now I'm out of the rebound year-long relationship and loving my new home, writing things and playing keyboards again.

So I feel I've been on a constant forced expansion since I was about 14! It's amazing. None of it really appeared to be my choice except for the current hermitage but I cherish every minute of it

To be honest, I feel sad for people who aren't expanding their worlds. Those who don't travel, learn, or throw themselves into life experiences.Of course all of these things are scary but ultimately so rewardig.

That said, the more one learns and grows the more they run the risk of leaving people behind. Both fortunately and unfortunately I've become one who is tagged as both a "knower of shit", the "one to go to for answers"

btw, great topic Imago. Cheers!

connorhawke said:

I'm thinking of starting up an "info-line" I'm that person too IT, geography, grammar, you name it!

ZombieKitten said:

I'll work the line with you! Or we could make a fortune in trivia nights in pubs all over the country hahaha

Actually I kind of figured that out about you from your previous posts. You make an amazing amount of sense

connorhawke said:

trivia!!!

Both

and both by much intention and also by "just life" natural order

but yes, overall it's both

it feels natural and healthy for me

I think that if one or the other were in the lead for an extended period of time that would tilt my world outta sorts ( and it has ! )

RenHoek said:

I see, I am happy that things are going well for you and your wife .

That would be awesome! Just make sure that you come at a time when I am here .

Expanding but not changing.I've gained some pretty wonderful friends who I know got my back. It's the first time in a long time that I've had female friends who are not frenemies I'm going back for my Master's degree in child and family law/Social work. My kids are getting older so I have more time to get back into my sculpture. My outlook on life and people has changed.

connorhawke said:

Your post blew me away.
You have no idea how closely I identify with you on so many levels.
(I know this is likely to make somebody shreak when I say this), but damn
I mean all you need to do is rearrange a few small details and I feel like
I've lived your life
Very very good post, sir.

Imago said:

I ain't shrieking but I'm VERY surprised I blew someone away! People often don't listen to what I say

Thank you

connorhawke said:

you know he is now expecting the 2 of youse to get a room

tackam said:

this will happen over and over until you sharpen your truth. You'll find it just like is happening to me

Mine is expanding. Not in my habits, although some things are changing, and not through possessions. My world is epanding spiritually which to me, is more important than the former. If I never enter that world, the rest is just meaningless.

connorhawke said:

She totally does.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

We should get on the phone sometime soon. I'd love to hear what's been going on in your life.

tackam said:

thanks guys!

ZombieKitten said:

Meh, why not. We'll use the webcamwhore thread hahaha

You coming?