Yeah yeah... I know, I have photos of myself everywhere. But they're photos I get to pick and chose at my own discretion to post.

And yeah yeah, some of you may just agree but to each their own.


But let me explain:



I don't think I'm ugly ALL THE TIME. Sometimes, I know I'm darned cute. I'm also quite confident SOMETIMES.


But this entire week, I can't bare to make eye contact with myself in the mirror. I can't bare to see photographs of me. I hate my hair. I hate everything.
I think it's hormonal cause I'm also getting angry for no reason too. Sometimes, I'm angry all day long then the next day I'm on top of the fucking world.

But I've always hated when people think that they're ugly. Some people complain about being too fat or having bad skin or whatever...and I've always thought there's a look for everyone...there's a way to improve upon what assets you DO have and make that work for you. And in my case, I know it's true...at least intellectually.

But this week, lawd. I just feel.... ugly.

Oh wait. I feel stupid too. I mean, dumb.
But I digress, do you ever wake up and feel ugly? I mean, like do you have days where you just wake up and think, "lawd hammercy, you are JANKITY today, Christopher B?"

Before anyone starts with the "no you're not. You're just fine rhetoric", I know I'm not ugly persay and that I'll snap out of it in a few days or weeks--but knowing and feeling are different. But, I'm fascinated by people who are just resigned to thinking that they are ugly.


So, those of you who feel ugly, lemme hear ya.

NOTE: Orgers, if you read something by somebody who isn't ugly, try to focus on what they say rather than just disagreeing with them. If you feel that they are indeed ugly as homespun sin, try to focus on something positive like their teeth or hair in your remarks. Thanks.

.
[Edited 8/9/09 22:17pm]

Don't feel bad Dan. You have beautiful teeth.

thekidsgirl said:

Thanks. I love your toenails.

I wish I had your Asian-ish hair.

johnart said:

Keep that up and you'll be getting another crotch picture.

Imago said:

thanks boo, I just got them done

Imago said:

Tease.

johnart said:

I know.


It's just that no matter how down I'm feeling or ugly I think I am, I know there's always someone out there who'll service my johnart.

our avatars

I feel ugly today, hair is horrible and skin is pale and sallow and I have dark circles under my eyes

ZombieKitten said:

You have beautiful teeth.

Imago said:

I have to go to bed now, but I will be thinking about your johnart and stroking mine as I drift to sleep. You're not ugly, you're just...kind of average.

Imago said:

Indeed!



Ugly. Go to bed!

ZombieKitten said:

I think the problem is worse for stay at home moms honestly.

My sister feels it from time to time. And I think it's more about ...feeling appreciated to her. Perhaps in some strange way, mine feelings are in that vein.

You're Asian so you just can't grow a real beard. Get over it and go do some long division or Sudoku or something.

Fauxie said:

Bangkok men have given me a new fettish for smooth faced tan dudes with Korean Soap Star hairdos.

Imago said:

Those are everywhere now. Every Thai boy band is a wannabe Korean boy band complete with what look like orangey-brown dyed, sprayed in faux-messy place til they're rock hard, wigs that can be changed in seconds between band members like some young teenage girl's dolls.

I've always felt ugly. I think it has more to do with thangs people said to me when I was growing up - also with the weird definition people where I live have of beauty.
Um, I don't know I just feel really ugly I guess I can understand what you're saying. I have my good days where I'm like "Fuck it I'm smarter than most kids here so FUCK THEM." Um but basically, I'm rambling now.

I guess the point is that I feel ugly 90% of the time and I think just MAYBE it has a lot to do with the fact that I'm a perfectionist by nature so I'm always too fat, too gross, too short, and so on.

idk

Imago said:

If there is no reason to go somewhere, I don't need to make myself look nice, since nobody will even see me anyway. to make myself look and feel better I could spend half an hour, do my hair, put on a little mascara and wear something other than the same clothes I've worn and even slept in for a few days in a row now. If I make myself look nice, the master asks WHY
[Edited 8/9/09 23:13pm]

Alej said:

Beautifully said.

OK, it's not beautiful said..sort of clumbsy, but at least I understood every word of your post, even though I memorized OTA, amessing, and bigass yellow mawm.

But a great post none the less.

You're very attractive, Alej, I hope you know that. If I was 15 years younger and into that Lady Gaga stuff, I'd have a total crush on you.

That being said, even though you've been 'of age' for a while, I still picture you as that teenage kid so I never bestow my tradmark emoticon on you--but make no mistake about it... You're a very attractive, handsome young man

ZombieKitten said:

Something tells me he needs a master.


Well, you're gorgeous in your photos that you post here, so I'm going to assume when you say 'ugly' you just mean 'dressed down'.

Fauxie said:

I swear to Gawd, MBK and Paragon are responsible for at least 10% of the world's ozone depletion.

Imago said:

I mean raw, as in natural as in boring as in no effort, worn and haggard and tired looking
But thank you

Imago said:

Thanks, Dan. I didn't how to put it but I'm glad you understood

Alej said:

I'm a perfectionist too, so when I fattened up, it irked me senseless and affected my self-esteem. I'm on the downswing again and pretty serious about this time, but I remember still feeling inadequate when I was thin an in good shape. When it's not my weight, it's my ears or my nose or whataver.

I'm a perfectionist in that regard too.

But yeah... I know exactly what you mean. I grew up with the same verbal insults I think. The only advise I have to say is try and resolve those while you're still young. Don't end up being a man in your 30s like me having to sort through them.... it sucks.

Imago said:

I can't stop watching the music videos, of the guys and girls actually. Both boybands and girl groups are doing it, this hyper-exaggerated cuteness that almost makes me very, very angry in some odd way, but entices me into watching the video in full just to bask in feeling so incredulous. It's worse than the Japanese, who've been doing it for years. Those big-eyed anime girls look more human than some of these people!

To respond the thread though, I feel ok most of the time, if my skin's alright. I'm fine with my looks in as far as what's static and not changing except for aging. I don't like things that can change, like hair growing, changes in my skin etc.

I care less than I once did about how I look, probably out of resignation. My receding hairline has never been an issue, funnily enough. Regular head hair can be cut and just left to grow where it is and then cut again. I'm more bugged out by facial hair. I *HATE* having to shave because I get obsessed with neatness and any stray hair annoys the crap out of me. This leads me to go over and over with the razor and make my skin red, which then gives me terrible self-image issues so that I won't leave the house. I already KNOW that nobody would notice anything negative about how I look if I did a quick, careless shave as opposed to a precise one. Except that they would notice the latter because it actually leaves me looking worse because my skin is red. I KNOW this, yet still I shave the way I do.

Fauxie said:

Swear to gawd, when I was up in Bahn Panam (North East), my grandma's house actually had satalite T.V. so I could catch all the Bangkok stations.

I sat down one day and for well over an hour (a long time for me to watch T.V.), I witnessed hair travesties mixed with snippets of obsessed MJ fans (Thai MJ impersonators in many cases). On the bright side, I guess having to take cold showers up there worked out great. Serendipity

Fauxie said:

It's so entertaining reading all of your [orgers] pain

This is the most hilarious thread ever concerning insecurities and alienation.

I feel ugly every damn day,and avoid my reflection like the plague.