Ok, so I'm getting my youngest daughter christened in september and my mother-in-law offered to sort out the venue for the reception/party after the ceremony. She's a member at a local club, so she organised for us to have a large room there. She assured us that it was 'very nice' and 'lovely' so we just agreed to go with it (it's free!). Today I went down to take a look and I have to say that it's the most miserable and depressing place I have had the misfortune to stumble into

I know I'm probably being incredibly ungrateful and snobby, but I think it'll be embarrasing to invite my friends and family there for my youngest daughters christening. My eldest had hers in the same hotel that I got married in.

I don't really know what to do. Should I:

a) suck it up, stop being so bloody ungrateful and go ahead with it?
b) have a look into hiring somewhere else, at the risk of upsetting mother-in-law?
c) something else?

Can you make it cheery with decorations and such? I don't like to turn away a thoughtful gift like that, even if it isn't to your normal liking... but maybe you could spend some of what you're saving on the rental of the room on flowers and streamers and nice tablecloths and such...

MrsGoodnight said:

[quote]i'd do what you want to do and have it somewhere else - otherwise you'll be miserable with the alternative and won't be able to enjoy yourself. i hate going against peoples' wishes/suggestions, but you just have to sometimes. keep the peace by talking to your mother- in - law, keep her informed, but don't let her sway you.

crap

my mother in law loves me to pieces after I let her give my third son his second name (she was present at the birth too) it was totally worth it. She named him after her own son of course

can you put up some streamers and balloons or something?

MrsGoodnight said:

That sucks but it's probably to late to change now without her being all upset just jazz the place up and smile

I am sure your friends will know whats gone on and probably had similiar scenarios themselves

What does your husband think?

I guess on one hand the location isn't too important - as long as you are surrounded by friends and family and have a good time.

Or.... you could book the same venue that you had for your older daughter's christening and your wedding reception - it has special memories for you afterall.
If you do this, tell your mother-in-law that you got it at a really good price and it just felt right to do it there because of the other celebrations there.

I hate situations like this. Good luck with whatever you decide to go with.

1. Try to talk with her

2.Make an excuse about the size/facilities but thanks very much

3.Tell her to keep the hell out of your kids lives and stop interfering

I would say A


I mean if this is her local club and she is doing it as a favor of no cost to you then suck it up. The christening of your daughter is more important than how pretty the ballroom looks. Plus consider the following:

1) you don't want to hurt her feelings
2) you may need her assistance at some future date
3) your friends and family may find the locale charming
4) don't wanna rock the boat between hubby and his mum
5) it's not a wedding - that's when the location really matters

A

the people and what goes on make the party, not the venue. people had great parties in fields, warehouses and god knows what else. you can go to a great venue and the atmosphere is missing and you have a shit nite

not to mention upsetting the in laws

if you drink enuff u will like the venue

perhaps this will help:

MrsGoodnight said:

This is a spiritual event. Focusing on the physical aspect is not where your energies should be. Intention is very important. Your mother in law's intentions are coming from the right place and validating that is important as well.

Instead of focusing on pleasing outsiders with visuals, focus on pleasing your family by creating an atmosphere of love and gratitude surrounding this very blessed event. After all, Jesus was born in hay, surrounded by horseshit and look how he turned out

Thank you guys, I really appreciate your input

I should probably mention that the venue is now surrounded by a building site. Literally. Three quarters of the buildings surrounding it are currently being bulldozed and the venue can only be accessed through a walkway created by metal walls The inside is a typical working mens club: including the smoke stained walls, dingey lighting and everything is BROWN. Obviously it was decorated in the early 70s and if hasn't been touched (or cleaned) since. I really don't get how mil came to 'lovely' or 'very nice' - obviously our definitions come in from totally different angles!

It was fantastic of her to organise it, but half of my guests are travelling over 200 miles to be with us.. I'm just not sure it's fair to subject them to that!

I totally agree that it's the sentiment and the spirituality of the day... But I really, really hate that place!

MrsGoodnight said:

Well, if her motivation was to be a cheapskate, then maybe you have a case

Take it from a pro at upsetting his mother in law.

Get another place.

I'm not much for christenings, but I'm of the opinion that it should be equally nice to your first daughter's.

That child will see the pics one day and be like WTF Mommy??

johnart said:

That's when she quotes her Uncle Supa about Jesus being born in hay and shit and look how great he turned out to be

Supa - I LOVE you!

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Yeah, no. She better just say we were absolutely broke and your grandma forced us to do this if she doesn't want that child to be hurt.
If it were a manger at least you could pass the pics off as we rented a petting zoo.

MrsGoodnight said:

I'm not exactly giving you a way out, just sayin

Good luck cuz only you know the full inner workings of your family

MrsGoodnight said:

Is it at all possible to re-decorate it? Add what you want...Props to the walls, different center pieces, chair covers/table covers... Flowers..
huge bows or fancy lace...

If not, do what makes you happy...for this day is a life time memory

amorbella said:

so is listening to a nagging mother in law!

I trust your overall relationship with your mother-in-law is sound. If so...

Assuming securing the place wasn't a big headache or expense for her, why not simply say that you and your husband decided you'd like to have it in the hotel where the other family events took place -- you know, for sentimental reasons, as florescent suggested.

My guess is your mother-in-law will be fine so long as she feels a part of this. If her place of choice wouldn't be used, ask her if she'll still help in organizing some other aspect of the event... food, games, etc. I find our parents just like to feel needed.
[Edited 8/11/09 14:10pm]

johnart said:

Lammastide said:

Great idea! Pick a new place and then put her in the driving seat to organize and plan it! Or is it too late for that?

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Well... how about the front passenger seat? Ol' girl clearly has some issues where being fabulous is concerned.

Lammastide said:

LMAO! She'd be like OOH! Lemme bring some things from the other place!

Lammastide said:

I'm just being honest. Kids don't miss a thing. And if the sis had a real nice one.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

yup

that is a lifetime NAG no matter what you do

amorbella said:

If it were my mother-in-law, she wouldn't speak to us for 3 months (which would upset my wife, but strike me as somewhat of a gift ). Then, one day, she'd just suddenly not be mad anymore... like nothing happened!

Lammastide said:

OMG! I thought that only happened in my life!

I HATE my Mil so I am no help sorry!