ThreadBare said:

I guess on the flip side I'm used to being the only one, or being alone doing my own thing at my own time and pace. I wonder if there's a study that has looked at the likelihood of not wanting to have children because of being an only child, or more likely to want a big family.

funkyslsistah said:

You might be on to something.

ThreadBare said:

You'll be alright.

funkyslsistah said:

Names for girls:
Persia (great use of a country)
Rhiannon (After Fleetwood Mac song, altho runs the risk of getting ruined by assumption that it is after the youngun superstar)

Boys:
Langston
Jonathan

funkyslsistah said:

Langston.

Etienne and Dante for boys. Rain and Tyler for girls.

ThreadBare said:

Just what the world needs ANOTHER Tyler

SCNDLS said:

ThreadBare said:

Can I answer this (even though I am not single, and not married either)?

Pretty much all my life, my past marriage, etc... I have not wished for children. Working with children for the past 17-18 years, especially for the past 5 years where I have more babies I can ever imagine I would ever contend with.

My morning begins with sometimes 10 or more crying babies on our Pediatric unit. (more or less, I might be exaggerating a bit, or maybe I'm not) Before I can even put my belongings down and get that first cup of sanity coffee, the crying is distracting, very. I know for the sanity of all medical staff, nurses and various families I should go in and comfort that wailing infant, of course they are not feeling well. It's great to help out. But it is sooooo great to come home after a long day of service and comforting and listening...

I say... it is nice to come home to silence.

But, but... the guy I am with, someone I have loved for many years... really wants a child.

The only thing I can say is...

If ever I would ever consider having a child at this time in my life... it would be with him. But is scares the crap out of me... I will not lie. I wonder what kind of world it will be for this unknown child, 10-20 years from now? Before they can even be here, I feel a bit guilty for even considering the thought of bringing them here. Does that sound strange?

I don't know if it has anything to do with me being selfish of my time, I really don't entirely think so (however I do cherish my time)...I am just a bit more worrisome of a life that may or may not be waiting for them?

I think too much...

FreeSpirit said:

Not at all. I think people don't think (or pray) enough about these sorts of things before they have children.

Thanks!
[Edited 8/9/09 20:54pm]

First of all: this is a great thread; not wanting kids has no connection to being selfish; crying babies do not always require attention.

I would love kids but only if I could raise them much differently than the way I was raised. I was poor as dirt and raised by a single mother. She was great but she could only do so much for my sister and I.

Now I am 40 and a teacher and poor as dirt. So basically, I need to meet a rich woman or the education system in America has to change.

If neither happens, I will just continue having fun and being single for as long as I can.

And instead of dying alone in a hospital, I will just come back to Japan and jump in front of a daily commuter train or call up Michael Jackson's doctor and ask him to hook me up.

never wanted the ones i had,damn..good night, been riding elevators all day, shyt, im tired.

I have two wonderful sons through marriage.

I had always thought of adopting..but it just never seemed to happen--long story..blah blah. and I could not have kids myself..so when I was talking to God about how I was okay with having these bonus boys and none of "my own", well, thats when we got a phone call....long story short, we have this beautiful son, and at 41, I don't feel like my window of opportunity to be a parent is closing--he is 4, he exhausts me. I don't get to go out like used to ...I still change diaps due to some developmental issues with him...so we constantly have no money. And we both work full time, and take care of our son, by working opposite shifts. I miss going out, but I would miss my son more.He is my prayer, answered. And as we kept finding out more about his health concerns, I guess we became his answered prayer, too. If we had money, and decent daycare, etc. I think we would have adopted more.

vainandy said:

I love ya, vainandy

FreeSpirit said:

Well I am not single currently, but I was until some days ago so I think I am qualified to answer . I think I am one of the few women on earth who never ever wanted a child. I love children, my niece used to spent some weeks in summer with me for many years and we always had a great time. Everybody keeps telling me what a great mom I would be, but I never ever even considered it for one second and even felt sorry for every friend who got pregnant even if it was a planned pregnany . My ex-bf wanted a child so badly that he even considerd leaving me because it was so important to him, but while it was heart-breaking for me to see him being so sad, for me it did not feel right. Then I met somebody who I fell in love with right away and for the first time in my life I at least started to think about it. He told me he would want a child with me, but I think right now it's not on his mind anymore . I am pretty sure I will never have a child and I am happy about that .

spacedolphin said:

You are so full of shit! There's women your age who don't want kids, you just wanna fuck youngin's - dirty bastid!

As for me, I'm not interested in having kids. I used to think the urge would hit me in my 30's but I'm here & no urges I think my sister burned me out early having me babysit my niece so much when I was little. That shit was not fun, so I didn't really see the lure of having a kid you're totally responsible for 24 hrs a day for YEARS I know I'm supposed to want them, but I just don't. Hopefully I won't regret it when I'm old, I'll just have to be financially set so I won't have time to think about the fact that no one will take care of me or come visit me

I think I would have been a good mom... neurotic but still basically good... ahh well, PASS

ThreadBare said:

not right now.im too young

In about 10 years, yea, right now...



HELL



NO




Hell, I'm an uncle with only neices at the moment. And the first 2 get on my nerves nearly every time I'm around them (they're spoiled, rude, and loud)

I'm getting my first nephew in December so I'll probably be more tolerant of him because I'm gonna make damn sure he doesn't turn out like them

ZombieKitten said:

A: Because I'm not raisin' no more of my brother in law's babies. Or rather, that conveyor belt will never end so I'm going to be raising chilluns whatever happens, so let some them at least be mine!

Not ready now, but before I'm 40, sure.

Fury said:

You took the words right out of my mouth. Have never wanted to children, although I love all 7 of my nieces and nephews dearly, I am just not overly maternal.

FreeSpirit said:

I know that I am not qualified to reply on this thread but reading what you had to say always rang true for me too. I used to always think if I had a child it might hate me for bringing it into this world. I certainly hope our son does not feel that way but those thoughts used to cross my mind.
I also spent several years working with children confined to wheelchairs for the rest of their lives for various reasons. That used to scare me too.


Also, the comment someone made about being an only child. I am an only child and I never ever wanted children until recently, late 30's.

I was never one that had a clock ticking or felt the need to have a child of my own.
I have no issues with adopting and after our son is here, if we feel the need to have more children in our family, we will try to adopt.

When I was single I never wanted to have children. I had a set idea of how my life should be in order to bring a child into it.
There is no shame in knowing what you want and do not want. Also it is good to not feel pressured to have one.

not especially, but am all for practicing making them

My mum was 45 and my dad 50 when they had me - where's the problem:)? And at the time of my birth, the doctor told my mum that she could have a third child if she wanted [she had my brother at 39].

So yes, plenty of time. As for myself, I've decided to take a page from my mum's book: I won't start before 45.

So take your time, ease your mind, there are no deadlines.

ThreadBare said:

Imago said:

Flo6 said:

One of my co-workers is around that age and is pregnant with her second child. I've been hearing of women just starting to have their children in their forties because they established their careers firsts. That wasn’t what I set out to do it just happen to work out that way for me, I would like to have the experience of having at least one child.

ThreadBare said:

I can definitely understand you and as a single, childless folk like myself, I do want kids whenever I get married, but sometimes when I see kids just acting out and telling their parents to shut up while they are struggling, spending their last dime on their kids every needs, makes me cringe. At this point, I don't feel that I have enough patience to deal with a child, especially when he/she cries and you don't why he/she is crying and they can't tell you because they can't talk. Or when they drool all over the place like a leaking faucet. I know I would go irate if it ends up on my $200+ suede boots...but thats when i would have to compromise and change from the "single diva" to the "attentive mommy". I've baby sat my godson a few times and found that he drools a lot, thats about the only thing that annoys me. He gives his mother temper trantrums that are out of this world, but he doesn't do that with me, maybe because I don't let him have his way....like his mother does. So in a few years or so, I feel that my mindset would be prepared to have children, but right now, its not.
[Edited 8/10/09 10:08am]

now that i've reached my late 30s my biological kid clock is ticking way loud but i cannot fathom going into having a child 'alone' i'd at least want to start out as a married couple (one can never be sure how long ur marriage will truly last) but i definitely NEED a partner going in

in my 20s the urge to have kids wasnt nearly as strong for me as it is now...im not sure how much of it has to do with the quickly closing window of opportunity or if my sense of maternalness is just hitting its peak

sometimes i try to imagine how a 'normal' day with kid(s) would go and then my clock begins to tick at much lower volume and with less urgency

...but then i see a beautiful little bambino or bambina and the feelings come rushing back

sooo i guess my answer to the thread's question is yes