SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Y'all are my babies

Mach, CalSq, SCNDLS, Erin, Painted, Zombie, Desi, Chili, Punk, Psychodelicide, Jackie, and all the rest of you, it's time to dip into my business for a moment and tell me what I maybe just did or did not do ....

...Okay, what happened was....

In my singledom, I have a friend from my congregation who's been a great help to help me to hook up all electronics in my office and do random stuff around my house. This is also a really dependable ride to group functions in areas of the city I'm not familiar with. It's a person I trust to ramble around my office freely (which says a LOT for me), they bring their dog, I feed it, we have cafe latte afterwards on the terrace é basta,finito,. We get on well, but I never really thought anything of it before.

Okay...so a couple weeks ago we're at a a birthday barbeque. Everything is poorly organized, so we ended up becoming grilling partners, spontaneously running the whole affair as a kind of cooking team. At one point, when the party ran out of proseco, he had taken the last glass, and when he sat down next to me he gave me half and said "I want to share this with you" ....those of you who have paid an iota of attention to my posts over these lasts years know damned well I never turn down a glass of prosecco, as long as it's after 4pm...ok.. well, maybe 2pm

Fast forward to the dinner I promised to prepare for him as a thank you for the countless legal documents translated, electronic cables untangled, German software downloaded. One thing about me,is that when you come to eat at my house, whether we are at the table or sitting Asian style on the floor, I'm going to turn the meal out for you. I did an old school Italian 3 course meal with antipasti and cocktails beforehand. It was a great night,lotsa laughter, childhood stories shared, and he finally rolled his behind out the door at 2am. I was just happy I didn't mess up the food and nothing else, because I'm a stickler like that

So um er, uh...we see each other at Sunday fellowship and alot of us sit at the same dinner table after service. I was helping in the kitchen so I skipped eating and just came to hang at the table for a minute. So he scoots over, and says "you want to sit down?", and we're sharing the same chair. I didn't stay seated long cause I had stuff ta do, but accepted my Sunday ride with him back to the west side of town. I noticed some of our frends were looking at us sideways too.

So uuuh, next, we get outside, it's warm, and outta nowhere he's like "would you like to go for a coffee, or ice cream or whatever you'd like to drink?" I say sure, and he says we can go somewhere away from here (he said it was to get out of the sun, but I'm not sure. I think he wanted to get away from those nosy ass people at the church )....

okay...how come we ended up at the promenade by the harbor with the sand, and the ships sailing against the horizon?? We were right on the water sucking back champag-ne for an hour or so. Then we get up to leave, but why are we not walking to the car? Why are we walking to the pier to walk for another hour along the river's edge to feed birds and shit? Sharing tiramisu ice cream. No romantic movements, but chatting and walking closely with arm bumps. I don't arm bump with people when I walk next to them . The excursion ended with a an extended hug. A very extended hug. And I felt the CLINK CLINK spring into effect. For those not familiar with the clink clink movement, that would be the Kegal movement a woman has as a reflex reaction to another person when she is utterly delighted to be in their presence.

What do I want from this post and this thread? I dunno, actually. But I am having trouble reading if maybe this person and I might be developing crushes on each other. It makes me feel like I'm in Jr. High. When I'm not married, I'm used to no-nonsense, intentional, online dating pools where you go straight into these situations like " okay,let's date". I'm sure our future contact will go as usual, but was I imagining that we had a warm-ish fuzzy moment? Am I on crack?

Discuss.

Ottensen said:

I love that...I had to read it a couple times cuz it was so damn sweet. Now that is a wonderful albeit inadvertant first date. And like SCNDLS said your coochie gave you the answer but uh....tread lightly cuz sometimes coochie be stupid. Just let things progress slowly and naturally. What's the worst that could happen? Wait...don't answer that

he sounds like a decent guy just take it one step at a time see where it goes from here, sounds like a good foundation to start with and y'all having a lot of fun. no rush i'd say first and foremost.

NMuzakNSoul said:

and I am so there with you

A relationship is the last thing I'm thinking about. I just got out of one a year ago. But in the church situation where we spend most of our actvity time, there is a huge movement to get people paired up and/or married. It can be annoying , because while your girlfriends are praying for your Prince Charming to come along, you end up looking at them like this , thinking "Okay, what part of I-am-so-relieved-I-do-not-have-to-cook-clean-and-iron-behind-some-man-now did you women NOT understand ".

I am a happy single, actively dating on my own time, turf, and terms. But yup, these real time, old fashioned polite gestures threw me for a loop because it's so different from the way alot us are connecting with people in the 21st century.

Ottensen said:

but if he's cute, smart, good in bed and has his own money.... well

DesireeNevermind said:

Chile pleeeeze. If a man doesn't know how to pick up his own socks after himself at our age, sorry, that's a damn deal breaker for me. Been there done that. I work too, and sorry, but I am not a maid . Far as I'm concerned he betta get his behind in the kitchen, make sure the counter is clean, the dishes are washed, prioritize and tell me ahead of time what laundry help he needs, and understand that there is only going to be dinner a maximum of 5 times a week because I got shit to do, too. All the rest of that stuff you listed is already on my checklist before they even get to the relationship stage, but you get to an age where you have to sharpen your criteria and weed folks out more. It's plenty of cute people out there who work great jobs and got great bed skills, but that ain't enough to co-habitate and work on a life together, at least not for me.

but chatting and walking closely with arm bumps. I don't arm bump with people when I walk next to them . T

A relationship is the last thing I'm thinking about. I just got out of one a year ago. But in the church situation where we spend most of our actvity time, there is a huge movement to get people paired up and/or married. It can be annoying , because while your girlfriends are praying for your Prince Charming to come along, you end up looking at them like this , thinking "Okay, what part of I-am-so-relieved-I-do-not-have-to-cook-clean-and-iron-behind-some-man-now did you women NOT understand ".

I am a happy single, actively dating on my own time, turf, and terms. But yup, these real time, old fashioned polite gestures threw me for a loop because it's so different from the way alot us are connecting with people in the 21st century.

Ottensen said:

Okay, it's time to listen to an old person.

First of all Ottie, you cannot give in to the "cooch-clutch" as you did on marriage number one 'cause you have already learned that it can lead you astray.

Secondly, who says this has to lead to marriage? At my age, with grown kids and having been married twice, companionship is really what I go for these days. It sounds like that's what you have, so unless kids and white picket fences is a must-have for you I wouldn't worry about whether it leads to marriage or not.

I'll tell ya what it sounds like to me sis, (and this is a valid concern), sometimes you can screw up a great friendship by taking it to the next level at the wrong time. If that's what's on your mind then I suggest some casual conversation about relationshps in general so you can see where his head is at. If both of you don't mind being friends with benefits then you can relax and let it progress naturally. Find a subtle way to find out if you're both on the same page...that way if it turns out you two are not on the same page, the friendship is saved and you avoid a potentially awkward situation.

Oh yeah, to answer the question...that was a date. He sounds adorable, so good luck!

babynoz said:

HURRAH .....I said HURRAH, damn it .


Essentially I've got my clarity now. I accept that that situation was a sort of starter date, and it was fun. Dude and I are relaxed enough with each other that there's no pressure to go in any direction. We just sort of flow and go, and that's what has made the friendship cool to begin with.

Insofar as the mentioning of marriage and what not, that was stemming from the fact that we both attend the same church and each have very active, high visability positions within its' infrastructure. There is a lot of projection in this kind of environment to pair people up, marry'em off, and get them birthing babies before you can say "pass the collection plate". The pressure is SO intense, not just in general, but especially within the circle of friends that we both traverse there. I'm always bewildered that they perpetutate the concept of singlehood as some kind of victimization, and I often leave people jaws a-dropped when I profess loudly an proudly that I am no one's victim because I am a divorceé, I'm glad every last one of my ex-husbands is gone, and if I don't see another so-called Prince Charming nor ever a child in any shape form or fashion it will be none too soon for me. I give all that Prince Charming will come along crap the with the quickness. For real though, while I don't give a hoot about what the general population there may suspect or may say about who they see me with... I am concerned about the late night calls I may eventually get, with one or two people digging into my romantic life because they are concerned for my salvation, and then me cussing them out because I'm a little on the renegade side and am not that really good of a Christian yet. People discuss others' relationships there so freely, from first dates on down to baby christenings and I just can't stand it. I want no parts of of that, I'm a very very private person and do not like being under microscopes.

So ,I guess we can see the roots of where my blurriness was on this matter, but now a sista has what these German folk call klarheit (clarity):

1. Was that a date, albeit an accidental one? Yup.

2. What's up with the apprehensive feelings accompanying that clink clink? I'm not worried about the progression of what may or may not happen with this man vs. it being a public spectacle in pressure cooker of a church environment. That's a road not yet traveled by me, so it feels uncomfortable. Should things build between us romantically, I will have to employ some good PR tactics on myself to be able to maintain my privacy, while still doing my very best to be a steward for the Lord...these two things can easily be convoluted and the goal is to remain clear

Ta-daaaah!

Okay, I'm good now.

Ottensen said:

Alllrighty then, gurl.

Being a long-time "chuch" member myself I totally get your situation. Sounds like y'all could use a singles ministry up in there to counter some of that pressure.

and understand that there is only going to be dinner a maximum of 5 times a week

DesireeNevermind said:

Chile pleeeeze. If a man doesn't know how to pick up his own socks after himself at our age, sorry, that's a damn deal breaker for me. Been there done that. I work too, and sorry, but I am not a maid . Far as I'm concerned he betta get his behind in the kitchen, make sure the counter is clean, the dishes are washed, prioritize and tell me ahead of time what laundry help he needs, and understand that there is only going to be dinner a maximum of 5 times a week because I got shit to do, too. All the rest of that stuff you listed is already on my checklist before they even get to the relationship stage, but you get to an age where you have to sharpen your criteria and weed folks out more. It's plenty of cute people out there who work great jobs and got great bed skills, but that ain't enough to co-habitate and work on a life together, at least not for me.

babynoz said:

HURRAH .....I said HURRAH, damn it .


Essentially I've got my clarity now. I accept that that situation was a sort of starter date, and it was fun. Dude and I are relaxed enough with each other that there's no pressure to go in any direction. We just sort of flow and go, and that's what has made the friendship cool to begin with.

Insofar as the mentioning of marriage and what not, that was stemming from the fact that we both attend the same church and each have very active, high visability positions within its' infrastructure. There is a lot of projection in this kind of environment to pair people up, marry'em off, and get them birthing babies before you can say "pass the collection plate". The pressure is SO intense, not just in general, but especially within the circle of friends that we both traverse there. I'm always bewildered that they perpetutate the concept of singlehood as some kind of victimization, and I often leave people jaws a-dropped when I profess loudly an proudly that I am no one's victim because I am a divorceé, I'm glad every last one of my ex-husbands is gone, and if I don't see another so-called Prince Charming nor ever a child in any shape form or fashion it will be none too soon for me. I give all that Prince Charming will come along crap the with the quickness. For real though, while I don't give a hoot about what the general population there may suspect or may say about who they see me with... I am concerned about the late night calls I may eventually get, with one or two people digging into my romantic life because they are concerned for my salvation, and then me cussing them out because I'm a little on the renegade side and am not that really good of a Christian yet. People discuss others' relationships there so freely, from first dates on down to baby christenings and I just can't stand it. I want no parts of of that, I'm a very very private person and do not like being under microscopes.

So ,I guess we can see the roots of where my blurriness was on this matter, but now a sista has what these German folk call klarheit (clarity):

1. Was that a date, albeit an accidental one? Yup.

2. What's up with the apprehensive feelings accompanying that clink clink? I'm not worried about the progression of what may or may not happen with this man vs. it being a public spectacle in pressure cooker of a church environment. That's a road not yet traveled by me, so it feels uncomfortable. Should things build between us romantically, I will have to employ some good PR tactics on myself to be able to maintain my privacy, while still doing my very best to be a steward for the Lord...these two things can easily be convoluted and the goal is to remain clear

Ta-daaaah!

Okay, I'm good now.