I often struggle with this idea. Is it okay to have friendship relations with an ex girlfriend if you are married? What's your thoughts? How many orgers maintain close relationships with their EX's even though you are in a committed relationship now with another person?

It really depends on all parties concerned.

The general rule of thumb is to not do anything that you wouldn't want your spouse to do, or you KNOW would make your spouse mad. If you don't know, talk to them about it, you'll find out pretty quick.

And in other words, don't do anything you'd be afraid to tell your spouse you did.

PANDURITO said:

I am in a comitted relationship and my ex-bf is my very best friend. But it is all pretty new, so I don't know if it will work in the long run.

CarrieMpls said:

Those are words to live by. How would you feel if your spouse was "friendly" with his/her ex? Trust me, no good can or will come out of that AT ALL.

CarrieMpls said:

I tell my bf every time when I see my ex and also what we do.

jaimestarr79 said:

this is simple, no. If you are in a committed relationship then why is there a need to remain friends with an ex? Even if you and the ex are now cool again, I think it's unnecessary to have them as a friend. I mean your current partner with whom you are CURRENTLY COMMITTED to should be your best friend, the person who you can be open and honest with everything about, not your ex. If its a case of your ex being your best friend and not your committed partner, then something is seriously wrong. Besides, your ex is an EX for a reason...otherwise, ya'll would still be together.

missfee said:

True.

Friend relationships? Yes.


Personally, I don't think I'll ever understand the mindset that we can't be friends with our exes or with members of the opposite sex (those of us who are straight) if we're in a relationship.

kenlacam said:

Sorry, but I'm calling bullshit on that idea.

I'm not by any definition a trusting person, but IMO if you are assuming the worst with your partner's friend relationships, exes or otherwise, your relationship is not a healthy one and there are much bigger problems than who each of you associates with.

CarrieMpls said:

And there it is ...


simple communication

CarrieMpls said:

BINGO !!

meow85 said:

That's not bullshit, that's being realistic. That isn't a trust issue, that just an issue of respect. The way I see it is, if I'm well and happy and satifisfied with my boyfriend, why do I need to call my ex from time to time to see how he's doing? What's the point? When I see him out in the street, it's okay to speak and say how are you doing then, but why is there a need to remain friends with an ex if it is not necessary?
[Edited 9/16/09 10:57am]

meow85 said:

I intend to not invest thought into trying to understand that mind set

meow85 said:

I agree




.
[Edited 9/16/09 11:00am]

missfee said:

Why NOT be friends if the split was amicable? Is there some rule you can't be? Many couples break up because they work better as friends than as lovers. If there's nothing untoward going on, then there's no reason for it to be seen as disrespect to the current partner. Assuming that maintaining a friend relationship with a former lover is disrespectful or shady in light of a current relationship is deeply telling of a lack of trust.

The premise that being friends with an ex is asking for trouble is bullshit.

missfee said:

THANK YOU!!!!! You saved me from having to make a response to that person who doesn't see anything wrong with maintaining a "friendship" with an ex. There really is no need to stay in touch with an ex, unless that person needs a "back up" in case something goes wrong with their current relationship, and if that IS the case, maybe they shouldn't be in a relationship with the person that they are currently with...TRUTH!

kenlacam said:

Are you talking about me .

This topic ( again ) - this thread the assumptions - the generalizations ...




My best friend's ( of over 25 yrs ) brother is my X - we dated and were engaged for 3+ yrs before I ment my recent partner of 24+ yrs

I see the X about 3 times a yr at family events with my best friend - we have a great friendship and my husband sees zero issue with it because it's a zero issue between he and I

My friendships with Xs are based on FRIENDSHIP



not a back up

not a booty call

not outta something missing in my marriage


so so funny we humans and our perceptions are

kenlacam said:

I disagree.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being friends with an ex, which is what this thread is about. Obviously if there are lingering romantic or sexual feelings there is a problem and you shouldn't get too cozy with that person if you're in a new relationship. You seem to assume that a person cannot just be friends with someone they used to date or be married to, and that's just not true.


"TRUTH!"? No. Jealousy and paranoia, more like.

Mach said:

Mach said:

I think there's a problem if your current SO has a problem with it.

It's not black or white. If I was dating Pamela Anderson, I'd kind of have an issue with her hanging out w/Tommy Lee, for example. But let's say my GF had a kid with someone and they were friendly & he was respectful, I don't see why they couldn't be friends.

But really I don't think the issue is exes so much. The issue is trust. If you can't trust your partner with their ex, the same applies to any friendship with the opposite sex (or whatever sex they might be attracted to)

Bottom line, either you trust your partner or you don't.
[Edited 9/16/09 11:44am]

NDRU said:

jaimestarr79 said:

If you and your wife love AND trust each other, why is this even an issue?

NDRU said: