Dude, sounds like my boy, Smoove B!



"I will serve you on a soft, silk table-cloth that has been freshly laundered and purchased from the finest table-cloth store in all of creation. It will be the most spectacular dinner you have ever consumed.

There will also be corn served. "

I just choked on my orange juice

True. Reminds me of the time I met some men in Miami that were obviously Russian mobsters. The godfather of the group offered to take me to Paris and out shopping. Dude, I saw Tony Curtis on American Justice talking about you muthafuckas, I don't even think so. Next thing you know I'll wake up in a brothel in some Eastern bloc country. Keep it moving playa, and no I don't need a drink.

ok how obvious?

Chile, they were so mobbed up it was ridiculous.

Okay, so, my homegirl and I are chilling at the Delano minding our own bidness and these three men approach us. Two of them speak English with heavy Russian accents and the third one is big like Marlon Brando in the The Freshman, only speaks Russian under his breath without his lips moving, and has a perpetual scowl on his face. The other two dudes are falling all over themselves to make sure "The Godfather" is happy and content. Literally fawning all over him as if they're scared he's gonna kill 'em in the parking lot.

So, my girl is skinnin' an' grinnin' in one dude's face and I'm sitting there and the second dude starts interpreting for The Godfather and tells me shit like, "My friend thinks you are beautiful black woman, do want to go to Paris for the weekend. Really, we pay for everything for you to come to Paris with us." I say, "Well, he only said two words in Russian but you got all of that out of what he just said???" In my head I'm like: "Shiiiiittttt, these muthafuckas gon' drug me, throw me in a trunk, and when I wake up I'll be chained to a bed in Herzegovina."

Okay, so here's some of our SECOND conversation for your reading pleasure.

larry: My idea of a perfect evening out with you would start with a picnic on a very secluded bluff overlooking the ocean. Dinner would consist of a variety of finger foods that we could feed to each other as sit closely together and watch the waves roll in. After we would eat, we would watch the sun set, wrapped in each others arms. Snuggling, we would then talk about whatever we felt like talking about or just enjoy the warmth of each other's arms as the stars one by one would fill the night sky.
Me: okay see, you're an extra romantic LOL Got me beat. That sounds lovely. what beach would you be on?
larry4: The radio would be playing softly, of course tuned into a love songs only station. When our favorite song would start to play on the radio, we would dance slowly under the stars, holding each other tightly. Letting the words of the song speak to each other's heart, we would begin to give into our passion. And then under the stars, with the sound of the gentle waves caressing the shore, we would ... well, being a romantic yourself
larry4life35: Any...I have always dream of having a wonderful day with my woman and you ?
Me: have you ever done this?
larry: I have always dream of having a wonderful time with my soulmate...I am a man that love to give all of me when it comes to relationship and I also want the same from my woman
Me: that's nice. have you actually done this with someone?
larry: Nope I have never done that with any body why did you say that ??
Me: cuz if we ever get a chance to i don't want a secondhandass experience. LOL!

Right after this he was asked me for money for his dying mama.
[Edited 7/23/09 13:49pm]

i'm glad you could see through him, and not fall for his game! the sad part is there are a lot of lonely women out there that will fall for it, and lost money, and get a broken heart in the process! some very cruel people out there in this world!!!

and some of those women marry these dudes and help them get citizenship. downright scary and pitiful.

So you weren't down for shoe shopping in Paris?

Now, you KNOW I loves me some shoes and I know that I'd be right at home struttin' along the Champs Elysees . . . but something tells me that if I had agreed to go anywhere with these characters I woulda been struttin' alright, but prolly on a street corner in the Ukraine hoping to get my passport back.

Ok, I understand your skepticism but how do you think would they be able to take you all the way to the Ukraine or some other country overseas? I really don´t get that part. I mean, they would have to get you through US customs,then on board,and then have you fly for at least 9 hours , and then take you through customs again.

Or do they have their own planes and don´t have to go through customs at all,like a president?

Cynda,,,,,THAT is one big 'bottom', girl

Now, you KNOW I loves me some shoes and I know that I'd be right at home struttin' along the Champs Elysees . . . but something tells me that if I had agreed to go anywhere with these characters I woulda been struttin' alright, but prolly on a street corner in the Ukraine hoping to get my passport back.

So you really believe human traffickers fly commercial, huh?

You liked that, huh? get ready for the remix!


Damn, girl, you need to take the rest of the day off so I can break you off doggy-style in my bathroom.

Ever since we met two weeks ago, I knew you were the one for me. Your style, your booty, and your class are beyond all compare. In a world populated with many fine women, you are without a doubt the most fine. Let Smoove take you out tonight or, if you are busy, tomorrow night to show you how I treat a lady as exceptional as you. Allow me to break it down:

First, I will pick you up from your house in a white limousine and take you to the finest dance club in the entire city. The people at this club will be attractive and the beats will be crazy. We will not be in the club for a minute before we get on the dance floor. Even though the other people will be good dancers, we will be the best. When you bump, I will bump. When you grind, I will grind. We will move together like twins who happen to like to freak.

When you have had your fill of dancing, I will take you by the hand and lead you to the most romantic corner of the entire club and sit you down on one of the plush, red-velvet couches. While you rest, Smoove will go the bar and purchase a drink for you. Before I bring it back to you, I will taste it, demanding finer gin should it fall short of my expectations for you. Also, I will ask for less ice so that your gin and tonic is not diluted.

While you sip your drink, I will stroke your hair and tell you such complimentary things as "You are like a fine statue carved out of brown marble," and "Your eyes are like pools of creamy Italian butter," and "You have beautiful shoes." You will know that I mean these things because they come from the heart, and the heart is always true.

At this point, we will go back to my place, where I will prepare a dinner specially suited for one as lovely as you. While I am cooking the meal, we will talk about your life, your hopes, and your dreams. At this point, I will unthaw a deluxe bag of jumbo shrimp for you to sample as the appetizer.

There will also be cocktail sauce.

Finally, my dinner of lobster, shipped to me that morning in only the coldest of ice from the finest lobster region in all of Maine, will be completed and placed on the table. Along with the lobster will not only be melted butter, but also side dishes. Some of them will be corn, peas, and baked potato. When the meal is over, we will have dessert and coffee.

At this point, you will be so turned on by this night of dancing and lobster that you will be dying to sex me wild. But instead of taking you to my bedroom to knock boots, I will build your desire even more. I will do this by leading you to my living room, where I will light a fire and hand-feed you the finest strawberries available. If you do not enjoy strawberries, I will have other types of berries at my disposal that can be fed to you in a sexy manner. Between bites, I will offer you sips of champagne in a glass made specifically to maximize your champagne-drinking pleasure.

As much as you want to, you will no longer be able to control your desire. Neither will I. This is when I will lead you to my polar-bear-skin rug so we can do it all night long. You will cry for more, and you shall receive it. I will hit it until you can take no more. Then, when you are 100 percent satisfied, I will stop. After that, I will kiss your belly button and tell you how beautiful you are until you fall asleep in my arms.

Damn.

I thought the SAME thing! That's my instant reaction when a brutha is too damn purty.

No, for real, I mean it this time . . . DONE!