Okay, so inspired by Rhonda's thread about online dating I decided to go to the website I was on years ago and update my profile. So i'm scrolling through some of the guys in my area and I come across this dude's profile. He's cute, with a Master's degree, apparently employed and what not.

So, I send dude a note with my IM contact info in case he wants to chat. I'm mostly bored, definitely not looking for a relationship, but always open to making new friends and what not.

So, yesterday, dude responds and we chat online for a few hours and immediately warning bells start to ring. Here's the breakdown:

1. I noticed when scrolling the profiles that he had THREE different profiles with different pictures of himself but with the same exact essay with fucked up spelling. When I ask about it he says that he started a profile awhile ago. So what about third one, playa???

2. He describes himself as half white (Irish) and half African. Apparently his mother is from Nigeria. However, his father died when he was 5 and he has no siblings.

3. Although he's American (uh-huh, yeah right) he was born in NYC, raised in Ohio, and now lives in Dallas he's currently in "West Africa Nigeria" (Americans would never say it like this) visiting his sick mother.

4. He's raising his son who is 10 years old by himself because his girlfriend/baby mama died in a car crash on her way home. (I'm sorry, what did you say? "Bullshit?" Couldn't hear you over these violin strings and my overflowing tears.)

5. His first relationship after her oh so tragic death resulted in his girlfriend sleeping with his best friend. (Damn, fool you got some bad fucking luck! )

6. The basic jist of the convo is that he's gorgeous but lonely and just wishes he could find a woman to treat as his queen, worship the ground she walks on, marry, and get pregnant.

7. Keep in mind that despite having Bachelor's and Master's degrees all his posts are ridiculously mispelled and extremely flowery and over the top with romantic language and imagery. (Nucca, you got me confused with a chick that likes to hear all that fucking sweet talk. )

8. Today, he contacts me and has drastically amped up the sweet talk. (Muthafucka, please, stop )

9. Me and my skeptical ass peeped out this game a mile away but I'm bored and already on the train so I say let's ride this bitch to the end. I ask him: "So are you always such a bad speller?" He says no but a few seconds later he says he has to go for a few minutes when he returns his spelling has miraculously improved.

10. In between wooing me on a secluded beach, while feeding me chocolate covered strawberries or some shit he mentions that he got some bad news about his mother from the doctor. (Really? No! Who saw that coming??? )

11. I reply, "How is she doing? I'm really concerned about her but you don't have to talk about it unless you want to." Wait for it, wait for it . . .

Larry Tomson: Yes baby...The Dr called me and told me that my mom need to have a surgery in three days time and I need to deposite some money before they can have the surgery done for her and I dont have the total money they asked me to pay I am shotr of 500$ and I dont have that
Me: sorry to hear that. i hope you're able to get it.
Larry Tomson: I dont know how to get it can you help me with any amount I am going to pay back as soon as I get back to the state
Me: nope, sorry.
Me: i'm sure it will all workout
Larry Tomson: Can you help me with any amount ?
Me: Nah, I ain't gon' be able to help.
Me: i guess you don't want to talk to me now, huh?
Larry Tomson: nope
Larry Tomson: sad
Me: okay, take care.

The morals of the story:

A. Game recognize game.
B. Them gatdamn African con-men got mad angles.
C. Ladies, seriously, please be careful out there when venturing into online dating. If he sounds too good to be true, chances are he's in West Africa Nigeria trynta scam you for money.
[Edited 7/22/09 18:27pm]

These are the pics he sent me. I KNEW he was too lightskinneded and pretty.








[Edited 7/22/09 18:01pm]

he's been photoshopping on his skin

ZombieKitten said:

I totally saw that shit.

SCNDLS said:

he has been smoothing out all his bumps in that last one

ZombieKitten said:

I think it's more obvious in the one above it. Silly rabbit

I met a "Mr. Thompson" as well, from Africa but he said he was "American"




he sent me this picture and others like it (all professional shots)...



when I asked him to produce more pics he couldn't, he got these off the Internet and was using this image as his own.

this is the dude who was all educated but still had the nerve to ask if I wore "Spanish" clothes.

SCNDLS said:

oh yeah! that one too

paintedlady said:

This dude said he was American too but wrote like it was his second or third language. He didn't even spell the name of his alma maters correctly. Lawd, these muhfuggas HERE!

SCNDLS said:

Dude didn't get a chance to ask me for a loan but this guy had the same MO .... he got dumped when he started with the stereo typing when I told him I was Puerto Rican.

same exact things were said and but my "Mr. Thompson" was into textiles and lived in North Carolina.

He also wrote like a third grader.

paintedlady said:

I can totally see a bunch of African dudes in a classroom getting instruction on how to con American women. "Yeah, tell 'em that you want to get married they love that shit!"

But you know my mouth was all twisted when he was talking that marriage shit.
[Edited 7/22/09 18:17pm]

He's hot in this one even with the awful mustache and photoshopping.

SCNDLS said:

so was mine when he started talking about how his wife died, how he had ONE daughter and that he would like to have more kids..

I responded... well, my tubes are tied so...

paintedlady said:

Ridiculous, but funny. I wonder if they ever find women gullible enough to fall for this mess.

SCNDLS said:

That's why they do it.

SCNDLS said:

Why would Americans never say it like that? Would they rather say Nigeria, West Africa? Or is it the "West" that sounds a bit off? I would simply say Nigeria and not mention the continent, let alone the region.
That would be like saying "Germany, North Europe".

By the way, over here they use the same routine, same story and pretend to be Americans, too.

KoolEaze said:

Exactly, they would just say Nigeria. He also kept saying he was "mixed in race." Something else a native American, English speaker wouldn't say. There were lots of off statements like this in his communciation that let me know he was running game, or at least trying to.
[Edited 7/22/09 18:59pm]

SCNDLS said:

ooh chile. He ain't shit but he fine. If that is in fact him

PurpleRighteous1 said:

Girl, now you KNOW he don't look nuffin' like THAT right thurr. With them ashy ass elbows . . .
[Edited 7/22/09 19:23pm]

Well DAMN!!! I mean DAMN :-o

Dayclear said:

What? The story or his picture?

AND YOU KNOW THIS WHAT OLE DUDE REALLY LOOK LIKE:

DesireeNevermind said:

No doubt.

I see you've found my account...

had I known it was you SCNDLS...

RenHoek said:

Shet up, fool! But if I'd know it was YOU I woulda broke you off.
[Edited 7/22/09 19:39pm]

You think they got to come from africa to be con men? If you believe that you've been conned for a long time.

I AINT GOT NO MONEY
I AINT LIKE THOSE OTHER DUDES YOU HANG AROUND

DesireeNevermind said:

You ain't right