apart from all the smoking I see where you're coming from, you were both too busy to look after yourselves and your marriage, and you are now paying the consequences

I work from home, but not very much - I actually have HOURS of spare time, to myself, to look after myself, to learn, to do whatever I want. My gripe is that outside of work, my husband has so many extracurricular activities he won't help me at home, nor does he have time to spend with me except in front of the TV (which is he classes as relaxation), since he is usually way too tired to have a conversation or something. As soon as he lies down he is snoring. That is not who I married![/quote]
yesyes...

> 1.you continue sexy and good mother
> 2.you like to speak and you settle ORG: very good and it doesn't interest if we are present or not: you probably have more attention like this; fortunately net it exists, and we can talk and to (co)create with the world; to be closed in the house, work, children, no no... we have to (co)create
> 3.and like this being, I love you and I forgive you eat not the whole soup


[Edited 7/22/09 16:34pm]

ZombieKitten said:

Awww

take him on a date

I'm 45 and have a 20 & almost 18 yr old at home and find myself just as busy - only in different way, then when they were tots - i must admit though I am a very involved parent ... lots of their peers were turned loose yrs ago and the parents detached ...

to each their own - I had kids to spend time with them and learn and grow with them - not just to raise and push out the door at 16

ingamilo said:

yesyes...

> 1.you continue sexy and good mother
> 2.you like to speak and you settle ORG: very good and it doesn't interest if we are present or not: you probably have more attention like this; fortunately net it exists, and we can talk and to (co)create with the world; to be closed in the house, work, children, no no... we have to (co)create
> 3.you eat not the whole soup


[/quote]


thank you, but I love soup

yes, org is my social life it's been there for me since I couldn't get out of the house due to too many kids (I wasn't prepared to kill myself TRYING). Next year they are all in school and I'll go back to work. It doesn't satisfy my need to spend time together with the man I married - I actually really enjoy his company, he is funny and sexy, but UNAVAILABLE to me

soup

Mach said:

3 boys under the age of 9 are very demanding and oblivious to the needs of others. They whine and scream and fight to get their dad's attention, mine they have all day, I'm uninteresting to them
I spend a lot of time with them many laughs and cuddles. I feel I need a bit of adult appreciation too

ZombieKitten said:

you "need" = DESERVE more then just a bit

Mach said:

ZombieKitten said:

the children grow, I am 47 years old and i have no longer air to give farts; I was more transparent, although i has to manage the consequences, they are there for me not to have more air to give farts... I was lighter, with less metal, it 's right, and with less, less, less... there is to learn to live like this, and to like not to have many desires; now you do notice my obsession with beans? It 's still a desire to have air fart again; but I don't get...; it is only the old ego to call for me

ingamilo said:

Anyway, the point of my thread really, is to find out what ACTIVITIES I can suggest, on a date IN for example, since babysitting is usually for emergencies only

ZombieKitten said:

YES
I understand that very well; and during years I was afraid of the divorce because it felt unable to return to the adult world after the diapers, of the autocad and of the autism; every time that left and i opened the mouth only said bahbahbah; worse than my writing here in English

excuse carried in the wrong button; and of moment here they are bedtimes; I will think better about the subject and tomorrow I say things right, leaning me...
[Edited 7/22/09 16:58pm]

When my boys were little and I wanted to do something but not go anywhere I would first find an activity for them to do like go downtown or to a free museum or the park and spend all day there. Then when it gets to be about 8 or 9pm I'd get something fast to eat, give them nice warm baths and send them off to sleep-let them watch a little tv (But I don't think you let your boys watch tv do you?) and soon their out. Then me and their father would get some drinks and some weed get some movies and chill

ingamilo said:

I'm sorry to hear you had to deal with such hardships and I wish it had ended up differently for you

heybaby said:

My kids are all asleep by about 9:30pm so we have a couple of hours to kill. One of us invariably falls asleep during a movie

Movies are easy, but TV always ends up being time not really spent together, and as you said, one person just falls asleep.

I think a more successful date does not involve TV but maybe a sit-down dinner, beers, music. Something where you actually have to talk and look at each other.

You guys are just gonna have to find a way to get out of the house.

NDRU said:

we're both trying to not drink

yes exactly, you are understanding me totally!

If I delay dinner, he's in the kitchen stuffing his face with the kid's leftovers and then he won't eat what I've painstakingly prepared. The number of times I've heard "I'm not really hungry" so we have our sit down dinner with the kids, which usually involves a lot of aggravation.

Talk AND look at each other?!?!?

heybaby said:

All he wants is to be at home with the guys, after not seeing them, and being out of the house 98% of his waking hours. If I say I'm cooped up in here all day, he says "why don't you do the grocery shopping? visit my mother?"

ZombieKitten said:

I doubt it will work unless he's willing to be part of the game-plan. The point is not so much what you do, but that you are both making the effort.

Sad, but after all these years we older couples have to make the effort (which does not involve masturbation beforehand!)

NDRU said:

so I shouldn't even bother then?

ZombieKitten said:

Put the kids to bed earlier.

Let's see...when I was nine, my bedtime was 8:30. (It was 7:30 up 'til I was 7, 8:00 when I was 8, 8:30 at 9, etc.)

At one point, my mom had four kids under the age of 7. She put us to bed early so she could have time in the evening with my dad. And bedtimes were ironclad - woe to the child who got out of bed after the lights were out.

I can honestly say that my parents never put my sisters and me ahead of their relationship. Besides their alone time in the evenings, they almost always went out with friends on Friday and/or Saturday night. They made saving up for babysitters a priority.

On May 2, after raising four daughters, they celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary.

Genesia said:

they all are in bed by 8, it just takes them that long to all finally be QUIET

one has a night terror EVERY night, and one of the other ones has another condition that usually raises it's ugly head when falling asleep.

ZombieKitten said:

Hmmm...where do you live? I'll introduce you to my mom. I'm sure she hasn't lost her ability to scare the crap out of a kid.

Edit: Sorry - I wrote that before I saw your later post.
[Edited 7/22/09 17:54pm]

ZombieKitten said:

I've had night terrors pretty much all my life, too. Not fun - especially when you're a kid. It took me a long time before I learned to wake myself out of them...and then fall back to sleep again.

Genesia said:

We can and do scare them, it's just there is too much negativity here already.

Urticaria and proctalgia fugax don't respond to scare tactics.

Genesia said:

We have to get him out of bed and just hold him until he wakes up, otherwise he stumbles around in his room hurting himself.

ZombieKitten said:

Yeah, sorry about that. I replied before your follow-up post.

ZombieKitten said:

Have you looked into a sleep clinic?

Genesia said:

the other 2 grew out of it by school age, he's nearly there. It's hereditary apparently!