These are in the liner notes of 'A Classic Cartoon Christmas' CD. I thought they were pretty funny...


Dear Little Drummer Boy,
You are great! I want to be just like you. When you play the drums, people write a song about you. When I play the drums, my neighbors start complaining. How do I get them to stop complaining and write a song about me too?
Please tell me!
Larry


Dear Muppets,
I always thought you were puppets, but if you prefer to be called cartoon characters I won't say anything.
Your friend,
Laurie


Dear Charlie Brown and Linus and Lucy and Schroeder and Snoopy,
You are so funny. I like to watch you on TV all the time. But, why are you selling life insurance?
I have to know.
Sincerely,
Darlene

Dear Rudolph,
I saw you on TV and I don't think it's nice that the other reindeer pick on you because you have a shiny nose. My mom sometimes has a shiny nose and when that happens she goes to the ladies room and puts powder on it.
Maybe if you went to the ladies room and put powder on your nose you wouldn't get picked on so much.
Yours truly,
Richie

Dear Grinch,
Why are you so mean? Were you neglected as a child? Are you embittered because you didn't get enough love? Have you ever considered getting professional help? If you have, my daddy is a psychologist and I understand he has a sliding scale.
Love,
Jocelyn

Dear Frosty,
Since you are made of snow and you're also walking on snow, shouldn't you start to accumulate lots of snow on your body when you move around?
I'm referring to the snowball effect. It seems to me that after you walked about a hundred feet, you'd be as big as a house and would have to go on a diet.
Wouldn't you?
Just curious,
Bruce