rdhull said:

It's the one thing that I hold onto for dear life. My first boyfriend was physically abusive to me and I came out of that almost completely lost to everything that I am. I worked so hard over the 8 years after that relationship to find myself and to move on. I have found myself again and nobody's going to make me lose it again

Dear Abby...err rdhull,

So how do I leave a life I've known for 9 years (a mentally abusive one, to me) and allow others inside?

rdhull said:[quote]

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

How presumptuous of me..my apologies. But about truly loving someone without reciprocation, well there is nothing you can do about that. We all exoerience that. You can't make someone love you. No matter how hard you love them


.

LaVisHh said:

LaVisHh U'll be alright.

My wife's mother, bless her, always says that if you look for love you will never find it, but if you just wait patiently and get on with your life you will attract someone who is right for you naturally.

(and all that from Thai- Damn I'm good! )

LaVisHh said:

I can't tell you that over the net in one summation.

LaVisHh said:

Start by letting it hurt.

LaVisHh said:

Actually the stankness is a shell, cuz without it I'm a big softee

This one girl once told me as much, and as we parted ways, told me to be very careful and she explained the many ways that she could have really wrecked me if she were that kind of person.

Now I'm constantly on guard on the lookout cuz a kiss on the lips is cool as long as it don't bring a knife in the back .

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

It sounds like you are on the right track

teller said:

This is true. I found that I cannot run from my pain. Pain is like your shadow, it's always there right behind you, the only thing you can do is to feel it, wash your pain with your tears and move to the next level. Pain is a part of life, but if you learn from your pain, you can love even better the next time around.

NuPwrSoul said:

So she cursed you with how much worst others are? That wasn't very nice...but I hear that a lot too...

rdhull said:

Next Saturday at the Mall of America?

LaVisHh said:

I know right?

Now I'm suspicious as hell. I don't take anyone for their word and am always lookin for ulterior motives.

NuPwrSoul said:

I hear ya, I really do.

This is kinda theraputic

damn, i feel for some of y'all.
to quote my girl DIGITAL LISA
"IF YOU GOT AN ISSUE, GET A TISSUE"

LaVisHh said:

I thought your prince is on his way...
damn, again I'm out of the loop.

SilentChatter said:

That's the point... I'm the one stuck in a loop.

LaVisHh said:

OK, this calls for a woman to woman talk
Tomorrow, my office, at 14:00

SilentChatter said:

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

It IS hard, hon. But, just take it one baby step at at time. One little moment at a time and with time it will become a habit and then second nature to you.
You can do it. You're much too wonderful and some wonderful man out there deserves you.
But, just remember that those wonderful men can do some jerky things once in a while too. If that happens, try not to push him away too much.

I have to speak up here and can only give one opinion; my own.

First of all, if you find yourself repeating a pattern (abusive for example) stop the pattern (dating) and figure out why you are doing this. If that doesn't work, go into therapy for someone elses' perspective, sometimes that's all it takes.

Lav - The guy you invested so much time in was an asshole. Period. Cheating is unacceptable and it shows lack of respect for the person you are suppose to care about. Then the whole over 30 comment...an inmature asshole. I've found at 33 that I finally know who I am. In my 20's, I thought I knew who I was but had no clue. Look for someone who respects others and has something in common with you.

SupaFunky - Get to know the person first, if they show other people (especially strangers) respect then that's a sign that they will respect you. The other part of getting to know each other first is that you may find someone with something in common. Going to the physical part first ruins everything because then you think you're in love. How can you be? You don't even know the person!

This session is free, the next one will cost you ; - )

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

This is interesting...I kinda ran away from pain after I broke up with my old mate...we stayed friends and it worked out well, or so I thought. But recently I've realized that our 'friendship' was nothing more than codependancy...we acted like we were still together which confused the hell out of me...the wake up call was when the inevitable happened and I saw him with someone else...up to that point we talked about our dates and stuff, and I thought it was healthy and all. But seeing him with someone else brought the old poison of jealousy back into my blood system...I freaked and here I am dealing with all this betrayal bullshit a year after our so called break-up...these growing pains suck. What I find interesting too is that I really can't see myself with this guy again not just because I don't trust him but because we have nothing in common...not a damn thing. Which is why I find these current feelings confusing as hell.

JamesMarshallHendrix said:

i was hurt by all my past relationships...because i was the one that gave everything, i gave 100% and the guy only gave 20%...it just doesn't work. when i love, i love with all of myself, and i'm very loyal and caring and full of passion. i'm happy my fiance' is just like me! he is my twin soul.

don't give up if you haven't found that special person that wants to give you love you deserve, just when i gave up i found someone special.

I would like to state that I am 32 years old and am well aware of the nuances of what makes relationships successful. I don't base my love on looks, although physical attraction IS very important between lovers.

I have been with my man for a year and a half and have given everything to make it work. You can't cross a canyon if the bridge is only half built.

And I also know that "jerkiness" is built into man on a cellular level so I cut people some slack. I'm very fair and am totally open for discussion. Unfortunately most men, even in their 40s, have so much growing to do. It's the neanderthal in them I suppose

teller said:

so, so true

MrBliss said:

You're dog is pissed

Strangely enough, ONLY the people who
I KNOW love me are interested in hurting
me...

rdhull said:

my dog is doin' just fine...he's got washboard abs!

I used to be in a perpetual state of heartbreak. Not anymore!