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Has anyone else here experienced this in their family?

This is gonna be tough, but I'd like to talk about it. Maybe in the scope of discussing it, I will be better able to deal with the reality myself.

A few months ago, I spoke to my mother over the phone (she lives in Hawaii, I'm in Minnesota). I was excited to talk to her, as it had been a while since we spoke.



I waited with anticipation to hear her voice once again, the voice that has soothed me since my birth, the person I laughed with, cried with, and knew I could count on to tell me that I was her baby, and that she loved me.

Well...she didn't even know who I was. I got louder and louder trying to make her remember. Through my tears I said MOTHER I'M YOUR BABY!!! VIRGINIA!!! I wanted to somehow reach into where my mother was hiding and pull her back out.

The day after my birthday, I spoke to her once again. This time...she sounded 90 years old, and slurred like a drunk man(doctors think she suffered a stroke).

Maybe I am just a spoiled baby, being the last of 8 children born...but I want her mind back.

n LaV...Sorry to hear about your mother hon.

My grandmother has early stage Alzheimer's, so she is overall herself. It hasn't taken over, but she cannot live alone now and that makes her very unhappy.

It's not spoiled LaV...my kids don't like to visit my grandmother because she is not an easy person to be around these days...I tell them they should have known her 15 years ago...She was fierce and I miss that in her and for her.

Take care LaV

Nothinbutjoy said:

Thank you, Nothin.

My mother's father had it, before her. I got to see what devistating effects it had on him - live. I was much younger then, in my teens, and thought it was a part of aging. I saw a kind, gentle man...turn into someone I became afraid of, as he would come and go, and cried a lot out of all the confusion he was feeling.

I also saw my mother's eyes change. The last time I saw her, 5 years ago, she seemed to daydream a lot. I don't know how to explain it, but her eyes weren't the same. But little did I know...

to you too.

I'm sorry, LaV...

AzureStar said:

No, I'm sorry. This thread wasn't meant to bring anybody down...I just needed to talk about it, because it's been consuming me.

I'm so very sorry to hear that, LaVisHh... I can only imagine how it must have felt...

Whenever I talk to my father, because of his age it's a coin toss as to whether he'll sound alert and energetic, or if he'll sound confused and "out of it" as if he has no short term memory and struggling to find the words to explain even the simplist thoughts...considering that my father has always been this paragon of logic and analytical thought in my eyes, experiencing him at times when he doesn't have his full mental facilities can be a bit scary and sad at the same time...

I hope you're able to go see and visit your mother soon, Lav......best wishes and prayers for you both..

You don't have to apologise to anybody. I can understand why you would want to talk about it.




...
[This message was edited Thu Dec 19 9:40:04 PST 2002 by sawatdiikhrap]

LaV!

I haven't experienced Alzheimers personally but I have worked very closely with dementia which manifests in about the same manner, it can be very hard on family and friends..

My gran had alziemers lavish.
We watched it eat away at her mind.In the end before she died(she was 81) she never knew any of her family.
i know how tough it can be
take care u'll do fine.

wellbeyond said:

May I asked how old he is? My mother is 77...but it seemed to start like 10 years ago.

Best wishes to you too, wellbeyond.

endorphin74 said:

endorphin74

It is tougher than I could ever imagine.

sawatdiikhrap said:

Thank you, sawatdiikhrap

muirdo said:

Thanks muirdo. I thought it would be easier, since I went through it with my grandfather, but this one is really messing with my mind.

LaVisHh said:

Same age as your mom...however, he just recently started to have these types of times when I'd talk to him on the phone...perhaps for about a year now...but it came on so suddenly it was a bit disorienting...

wellbeyond said:

I hear you. You hit on it with using disorienting. My own mind feels confused about it, like it's all a bad dream. I keep thinking the next time we talk, she's gonna snap out of it.

Thanks for sharing, I know these are difficult to share - but it just might help others to know they are not alone, and another person's perspective might have a positive effect.

my GrandFather has this! my Father told me that he had 2 put my Grandad in a HOME!?!?! & i was like u mean 2 tell me if i went 2 VISIT my Grandad he wouldn't know who i am!?!?

my Dad was like he doesn't know me & sez occasionally that my Father is a nice man & must b a "Good Son" 2 his Father. now that's something 2 hear. i just PRAY 2 The Cre8tor/Allah that my FATHER doesn't have that STRIKE him.

i'm his ONLY son & i'd do it in a HeartBeat (take care of my Father) but @ the same time it would b a Difficult think 2 bear but it has 2 b done.

so Lavish... (Sis), i know how u feel... it's not my Father like it happened 2 u'r Mom but from my UnderStanding in Al Islaam it's better that u have a TRIVIAL time in Life than have The Cre8tor PUNISH u in the HereAfter. not sayin' that the DISEASE is a PUNISHMENT but i hope/pray u get my point...


may The Cre8tor 4give us of our Treason againts him & ourselves...
[This message was edited Thu Dec 19 9:55:10 PST 2002 by PurpleLove7]

this kind of topic should be brought to light.
A lot of people dont realize how serious a condition it is,and what it can do to any strong family unit.
Before my gran went into full time care she would phone my mothers house every 5 minutes from around 5 o clock till she went to her bed at 8:30.Every night,everyday,for about 6 months.
It really exhausted my mother.

PurpleLove7 said:

Thank you, PurpleLove7 for sharing. Did you ever visit your Grandad? We used to visit my father at a life care center too, almost every weekend. It just got so bad, that he required 24 hour monitoring...he used to run away, and was a danger to himself in the "real" world.

My mother was recently put in the same place. Feels like my mother is playing the same role as my grandfather did.

muirdo said:

That must have been really hard on your mother, seriously. The bond between a child and their parents, at least for me, is undeniable. I still feel a part of me died when my father did.

You mother did the best she could do, and I just know it broke her heart to see her go to a home. I know it broke mine.

I had an uncle who passed away in January who suffered from Alzheimer's. My suggestion to you is to keep her surrounded by constant reminders of yourself by contacting her more frequently, sending photographs, and visiting whenever you can. You might not always get the response you want. But the more you keep visuals of yourself around her the more she can grasp. Before my uncle's final days, he didn't know my name either. But from his gestures I knew he was familiar with me.

Don't worry, she could never forget who you are

chickengrease said:

I was thinking about this exact thing last night, while trying to sleep.

I thought of how she needs some visuals. I will create an album of images for her, and send them to my sister to give to her. I have quite a few of group shots, of her with my father, myself, and other family members.

Thank you for the suggestion.

chickengrease

LaVisHh said:

i haven't seen my GrandFather since i was in College back in 1989-90 it's a shame but i moved from Chicago 2 Jamaica then Florida & it's "Shame On Me" that i haven't seem my Dad or Grandad in ova 10yrs or so...


now that's a Bad Ass Shame...

well 1 positive note... i'LL b getting Married January 4th & my Dad's coming 2 my Wedding
[This message was edited Thu Dec 19 10:37:21 PST 2002 by PurpleLove7]

I'm so sorry to hear about that, LaVisHh.

I have had experience with it myself, as my grandmother is in the advanced stages of it. It really can be difficult to see and I understand your pain.

However, your mother is ALWAYS alive and well in YOU. Never forget that.

PurpleLove7 said:

Moonbeam said:

Thank you, Moonbeam. And yes, she is...and in my children too. THAT made me smile.

You are wonderful.

Thank you.

Awww LaVisHh ...

I haven't experienced this in my immediate family, but a friend of mine is confronting it with her mom, and it is heart-breaking to see what she is going through, and to hear that you're having to experience it with your mom ... I'm so sorry sweets... There are no words for how hard it must be.

Much love and best wishes to you LaV, and your family ...

LaVisHh said:

No, YOU are wonderful, my dear friend.

Diva said:

Thank you, Diva for your kind words. It's one of those things in life where the experience is unbelievably real. Like I mentioned earlier, it was very different when it was my grandfather. Not necessarily less painful, but less real.

to you too.

It's strange...it almost feels like a death, like when my father died, yet she still lives and breathes.

i commend u Lavish 4 postin' something so PERSONAL in a 4rum such as this. it's good NoBody (yet) hasn't said anything NEGATIVE.

it's good every1 is Supportive

LaV, I know I've been fooling around with you in the chat, but you know, if you ever need to talk, let me know.
You're one special woman, and I'm not gonna let you cry alone

Love you

Keren