I've posted a thread on this dude before... he's a mentally ill, ectomorphic recluse who's pushing 40, still lives with his mother, and dresses like a Mr. Rogers-esque farmer everyday (complete with a straw hat). He is so unintentionally fucking funny with his rambling, professor-like diatribes concerning everything and anything about the world (but particularly philosophy, the "post-modern yuppie twits" of the world, music, and how 'evil' and 'demonic' sex is in his eyes).... that he would be a HUGE hit as *some* kind of character, be it in a movie, TV sitcom, on the internet, etc.

But I present you with some (roughly paraphrased) quotes from his visit to our home today:

"I despise penises as much as Captain Ahab despises the Great White! They are like an evil empire that needs to be stopped!"

"The very thought of society being sexually inhibited makes my mouth water."

"Jessica Alba has been demonized by Hollywood... she should have married me instead so I could keep her sweet and sexually inhibited."

"If I made an extremely sappy and boring movie where there was no suspense, no excitement, just everybody in the sunshine hugging one another and being sweet and laughing and singing, you would watch it, wouldn't you? And all its sequels? DON'T YOU WISH THE WORLD WAS LIKE THAT?"

"When I make my movie, all the women are going to be named names like Mildred, wearing Victorian dresses and big, flowered hats. There will be little boys selling lemonade and instead of the big kiss, I will be the hero who just gazes into his lady's eyes kissing her hand. It will be a very sweet, pure movie."

"I WISH THE STORK WAS REAL!"

(while listening to a gentle song by an old folk singer named Dave Van Ronk on full blast): "This kicks ass."


And yes, he is dead-serious with all of this.

Great post!

Wow... That is unintentionally funny.