I've debated this with a number of friends male & female and I'm curious what the overall response.

Do people treat sex like an act or do people tie it to emotions? Do you have to love someone to have sex with them?

Some people act like they don't care but then after having regular sex, they want a relationship.

Any animal can just get off, doesn't it mean more than that?

I'm the type who would rather be by myself than fuck someone just to get off.

I'm just looking for a general consensus. There's zero judgement, just a sense of what everyone thinks.

Thanks

There's 2 kinds of sex. Well, there's way more than that. But in relation to your question, for me, sex can be just fun, with no heavy emotions attached, or it can be deeply emotional and powerful.

it seems to vary from person to person

Sex means more to me when i am doing it with someone who I care about.

It can only get good for me once I know a person fairly well and trust them. The way I see it, is that the elements that are contained in the rest of the relationship are also present in the act of sex. Ie. loving, relaxed, fun, trusting, sensual etc.

Having sex as a one night stand may be good sex--yet it is kind of empty. I guess it means something more with someone who is loved.

I've known people who treat sex like an act.

Speaking for myself, I have to at the very least have an emotional attachment to the person. I had sex once - without any feelings towards this guy, and I hated every moment of it. I don't want to make that mistake again.

As for all the sex posts, I wanted to add that because we all sit at this table of discussion, behind a monitor, and basically never have to be ourselves (I am NOT speaking of myself ) if we choose not to - it opens the door for discussing subjects that we might feel is too inappropriate for discussion face to face.

i think it varies per person,also

but for me, sex was tied to all sorts of emotions. i thought i was doing it just to get off, but i later realized that i was using it to fill the hole of love and acceptance that i was carrying around

it took two years of going without it for me to finally fill that hole with self love and self acceptance. and i now understand how beautiful it can be with someone i truly love.

Thank you for your honest answers.

I think that the people who said they just wanted "emotion-less" sex were in need of something else (therapy, a toy).

JamesMarshallHendrix said:

I said it was empty, and it was. I was still a wanker at that time!

And hey, I got my story too. I actually craved closeness with another person, hence a few years ago, I had a spate of one night stands.

There has been something for me about seducing men so that they will love and adore me in the past. I now realise that a man won't love me for who I am if I am presenting them with something other than my personality!!

I don't think he was suggesting you, Therapy, needed a toy...lol...but instead saying that he thought those who say they only want emotionless sex needed either therapy or a toy...lol

wellbeyond said:

such is the state of ones mind at the moment my friend wellbeyond, that i am twisting the knife into myself.

well...i'm glad i explained anyways!

thanx man.

Sex doesn't HAVE to be tied to deep emotions for me, but it's always better with someone I love, so that's what I prefer.


I'm just a really passionate and alot of times emotion driven person.

At this point in my life, I'd almost rather be alone than be with someone I don't really care about. hmmm...that reminds me I need to put batteries on my grocery list.

there was a point in my life where i had no self-confidence and didn't care too much how i felt about the guy as long as there was a warm body beside me...but in the past 6 years i can say with pride i have not slept with any guy i didn't love...


so now i would have to say i have to have emotions attached and even if i wanted to just go out and get laid i think i would end up wanting a relationship with him...

every time i have sex with my self i am

TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH ME

i've done both kinds of sex and for me, the sex with someone i really have feelings for and trust is WAY better, more pleasurable on all levels for me, than just fucking. fucking has its merits, of coutrse, but making love is really multi times better.

also, in this day and age of casual blowjobs, there is an epidemic of ORALLY TRANSMITTED STDS! EEEKKK! so, imo when the risk of having sex with someone i hardly know includes the risk of maybe getting herpes, genital warts or chlamydia from a mere freakin KISS, i tend not to jump into bed with just anyone

Can't remember the movie but it was So Funny maybe somebody does. The couple was so Paranoid about Aids and Disease they Wrapped their Entire Body with Saran maybe" Airplane. "As Prince says and Shelia sings" Without Love It Ain't Much!" I think Sex and Spirituality are all wrapped-up together for the Ultimate so if you Have that you have it all. Question is do you Aim for the Ultimate O or just to Cum? Depends on what you Need at the time or what you Want! Communicate so No One Get's Hurt! Be Upfront,but Gentle! Straight-Forward and Honest with your Partner.
[This message was edited Mon Dec 16 15:51:37 PST 2002 by Natasha]

JamesMarshallHendrix said:

Ditto.

Therapy said:

Wellbeyond was right on, I didn't mean to say Therapy needed a toy.


Again thanks for all of your honest answers. I thought I was doing the right thing. Now I don't feel like such a freak.

well, you're clearly a freak . the good news is there's a LOT of us

Whooops Jamesmarshalhendrix!!! i got all confused and i thought i was on the Flame War thread. apologies