A new euphemism: When someone cheats on a spouse, that should be known as "hiking the Appalachian Trail" in honor of South Carolina governor Mark Sanford.

But I have to say that Adultery Confessional Theater is getting tired. Can our culture start to deflate the drama on extramarital affairs a little? Bill Clinton, Eliot Spitzer, Larry Craig, Jon and Kate, John Ensign, Mark Sanford: Yes, it sucks if kids are involved and it often leads to divorce. But I wonder if setting the panic bar a bit lower wouldn't save more marriages. Maybe we should embrace the fact that few of us will remain monogamous over the long life of a marriage.

—Anne In NJ

I'm with you, AINJ: At the bottom of all these sex scandals—Sanford, Ensign, Spitzer, et al.—is our unnatural fixation on monogamy. Human beings, male or female, aren't wired to be sexually monogamous, and the feigned shock with which we're required to greet each new revelation of infidelity on the part of an elected official, a reality-show star, or a sports figure would be comical if the costs weren't so great. Elevating monogamy over all else—insisting that it, and it alone, is the sole measure of love and devotion—destroys countless marriages, families, and careers.

Which is not to say that people shouldn't honor their commitments or that there aren't folks out there capable of remaining monogamous over the five-decade course of a marriage or that the hypocrisy of assholes like Sanford—who called on President Clinton to resign during Monicagate—isn't worthy of censure. But think of all the people who've cheated and gotten caught. Now think about all the people who've cheated and gotten away with it. Our idealized notions about sex—within marriage and without—are at war with who and what we are. Sex is powerful; relationships are fragile. Why on earth do we insist on pitting them against each other?

http://www.thestranger.co...id=1775835

I always considered cheating to be a deal breaker if I was in a relationship. But after reading Dan Savage's column this morning, I'm having second thoughts--not saying I'll necessarily change my mind, but I'm really thinking about what he said:



What do you think?

I believe people shouldn’t make commitments they have no intention of keeping, or for that matter simply don’t think they can keep.

I believe once you’ve made a commitment to someone you should honor that commitment and talk to them first when 1 or 5 or 15 years down the road you discover you’re not going to be able to keep it.

I believe very, very few men are capable of the above when it comes to sex, so I’ll likely remain single for the rest of my life.

If I was seeing someone and he was feeling attracted to/ interested in someone else, I would want to know straight up. To me, that's not a big deal

thekidsgirl said:

I believe people shouldn’t make commitments they have no intention of keeping, or for that matter simply don’t think they can keep.

I believe once you’ve made a commitment to someone you should honor that commitment and talk to them first when 1 or 5 or 15 years down the road you discover you’re not going to be able to keep it.

I believe very, very few men are capable of the above when it comes to sex, so I’ll likely remain single for the rest of my life.

Ace said:

O geez! this again

I mean, I'd rather have him tell me, than for him to just cheat and keep it a secret

I don't think the big issue with affairs is the actual act as much as it is the dishonesty.

If I was seeing someone and he was feeling attracted to/ interested in someone else, I would want to know straight up. To me, that's not a big deal, it's human nature even.

But if he were to hide that from me and keep me in the dark, that would hurt alot.


I could forgive sleeping with someone else, but I couldn't forgive dishonesty

thekidsgirl said:

i agree with most of that. it is the dishonesty that is the killer. and the disrespect. if you have so little respect for a person to go behind their back, then what are you doing with them in the first place? i don't think that i could forgive a partner for sleeping with someone else though.

thekidsgirl said:

i agree with most of that. it is the dishonesty that is the killer. and the disrespect. if you have so little respect for a person to go behind their back, then what are you doing with them in the first place? i don't think that i could forgive a partner for sleeping with someone else though.

thekidsgirl said:

sextonseven said:

If you really feel it's absolutely necessary that you have a sig-oth (personally, I don't agree), you should know that a long-term relationship is going to involve a shitload of compromise and the expectation that you will curb your God-given desire to bone other people. Personally, I don't believe in this hippy-dippy "Let's have an open relationship" bullshit. It don't work.

My advice? Don't be such a fucking pussy and figure out that you don't need someone else to make you happy (in fact, they can't).

Or somethin' like that.

Ace said:

Ace said:

It's looking more and more like your point of view--to not ever enter into a relationship in the first place--is the way to go.

thekidsgirl said:

Teasing aside, I don't think we're being honest with ourselves when we say that the dishonesty is more hurtful to us than the act. I'd say they're both pretty mega-shitty.

Ace said:

definitely, both are incredibly bad!!

But the dishonesty tells me that you had a problem with our relationship, but instead of you talking to me about it, and us trying to work it out, you just went out on your own to search for something else.

Part of being in any type of relationship is working through issues together. If we can't even do that, then why are we even dating Ace?

Does the whole .org really need to know our business?

It wouldn't devastate me or be a relationship breaker (especially after 12 years) if my partner boned a dude.

I would however put the whoopass on bitch Rican style if I found out he was wining, dining and takin them on "dates".

I just don't see sex as the meaning of intimacy.

Ace said:

well you don't talk to me at home so I thought maybe you would here!

what happened to us?

thekidsgirl said:

I know. We used to be so...good.

johnart said:

Kind of goes back to what Dan Savage said.

Ace said:

u dont even cook for her. U buy kfc