His name is Joe, pronounced with a sharp mid-to-rising tone kind of like uttering "UGH" as an exclamation when you're about to fall off a bike.


I just call him Joe.

He's 8 years old, and painfully shy. Some in my family say that he's the incarnation of my diseased grandfather who passed away about 10 months before Joe was born. Their features are identical, and Joe shares all the same mannerisms and likes/dislikes in food and activities as my grandfather. But Thais are prone to finding magic in the coincidental aspects of life, and turning them into legends.

For lack of a better way of describing it, I have instantly bonded with Joe, and he with me. He sits beside me playing on my nintendo while I read. He teaches me Thai and I teach him English. He watches T.V. with me. He even walks blocks from home to find me when I'm getting my hair DID at a ramshack ghetto barber housed in one of the decapitated, unsanitary Thai riverside house held together by a few beams of wood and constant Buddhist prayer.


He finds it amusing that the weather here makes me sweat gravy while his skin remains dry. He knocks on my door early in the morning to say goodbye before going to school. He waits for me when I've been out on the town and return exhausted for dinner.

Joe doesn't get touched much for some reason. So he is constantly sitting beside me ensuring his arms touch mine, or his back is against my arms. My youngest nephew used to do that. Though I personally do not like to be touched or held, I understand how therapeutic it is to a child. You can convey love so munch more powerfully with a hug.

Am I good with Children? I used to say, "no". They like me, but I'm selfish and prone to temper tantrums.

But I've decided, that, yes, I am very good with children. We don't even have to speak the same language.

I can't help but think, "Should I have become a father?" What Joe needs is companionship and guidance, and to know that it's o.k. to be a little different (he's a bit shy and eccentric, having no friends in the neighborhood to talk to). That ship has sailed, I know. I am unwilling and have no desire to start a bonafide family with kids at this late stage in my life, but I can't help but think, if I raised a son or daughter, would I have done a good job?
I mean, you never know what you're capable of until you have to do something. But having the ability to do something is such tiny bit of a whole list of things to consider.


What I can say is that I do regret not having started a family. Perhaps the feeling will pass. But here, in this heat, on the other side of my world, being surrounded by absolute love and kindness, I can't help but think I missed an opportunity to start my own little nightmares of joy.


.
[Edited 6/29/09 8:11am]

I've always thought you had the mind of a child. It's no surprise children like you.

I'm sure you'd make a great dad, but all I can think of is how traumatizing it might be for them later on to discover that all their childhood photos have been photoshopped.

Or worse yet, to look at their childhood photos long after you're gone and wonder who the white uncle with the poodle (standing behind them in every other picture) was.

Yeah,

Awwww….

That’s awesome.

Hanging out with my nieces and nephews always makes me think the same thing. I never really wanted kids and never thought I’d make a good mom. But then I have a ball with them and wonder how different my life would be if I’d have decided to. Being that I’m 34 and in absolutely NO position to have them any time soon, that ship has sailed for me as well. And for the most part I’m OK with that. But every once in a awhile, I do wonder quite a bit.

johnart said:

Thats actually really sweet

CarrieMpls said:

He's such a major assholio!!!!!

Nice words ur quite compassionate. In this day and age it's never to late to be a parent....especially if U really want it. Never say never huh.

Is this the epilogue?

PanthaGirl said:

Girl you are fine as hell.
I would be compassionate if you'd post some pics in that latest photowhore thread. That's compassionate!

Imago said:

JerseyKRS said:

You have to 10 centimeters dilated to get one of those don't you?
I'm not a bottom nor a size queen so that will never happen.

Imago said:

JerseyKRS said:

Imago said:

What the LOL too funny man so the poodle mullet master has spoken, and so it shall be done! Sweetas and thanks, that surprised me....

Conceptually, this is one of my better threads.

Imago said:

It won't really be appreciated for years.

He will be heart broken when you leave Thailand.

Why don't you bring him back and adopt him?

Who are his parents?
Where are they?
Is he a cousin?
[Edited 6/30/09 5:43am]