Imago said:

or a purse beatdown...

RenHoek said:

Imago said:

i would do dirty, dirty things to nick and mon. just sayin'.

evenstar3 said:

who is jane and why is she going to love it?????

evenstar3 said:

still on my facebook if you're on there
[Edited 7/6/09 19:59pm]

Looks like Fun was had by all !!!!!

Great videos



wanted to see if boogers were eaten...

Loving the new pics and videos.

Where's Dan? Is he back yet?

We'd spoken about meeting up and doing something for Mon's b'day on the 8th, but we're broke as hell after yesterday's border run and I'm short on ideas too. He said karaoke wasn't his thing, nor bowling. I don't think getting trashed again is the best idea...

What can we do for Mon's b'day in a sleepy, quiet, dull place such as Bangkok?

Fauxie said:

Rent a bounce boxing ring... it works every time...

Fauxie said:

Bangkok is like New York on caffeine and London on Meth.

Imago said:

Wow, really?

I'm waiting on my camera to make it's way back to me, so I don't have pictures of the village experience in northern Thailand just yet.

But here's a few things I observed the last 3 days:




1) Firstly, north-eastern Thais are just as fiercely nationalistic as Thais in Bangkok if not more. Thai's are as nationalistic as Americans, Brits, and Germans from my experience, but without the benefit of much education. This causes them to be very ignorant of other countries, history, and all manner of things we in the west just take for granted. However, adding to the confusion/irony in the North-east is the fact that north eastern Thai's are very proud of the Laotian heritage as well. Many speak primarily in Laos, and brag about it, even poking fun at me for attempting to speak Thai and not Laos


2) Thais have an obsession with my marital status . I was courted 3 times by village members, and had several parents(mothers mostly) ask if I'd be interested in marrying their daughters . I found out that I was fond of this green colored Fanta soda sold there and offered to supply me with free Fanta soda for the rest of my life if I'd marry her daughter My poor 18 year old cousin who is fairly proficient if not comfortable in English had to Interpret all of these ridiculous conversations for me . She blushed through half of them almost reluctant to talk about it

3) Thais are largely ignorant of American geography and politics. I've found that many of my European friends know more about certain political issues than many Americans do. Not so with Thailand. I had to draw a map of where California was as opposed to Florida and New York. They were interested in Texas too for some unknown fucking reason.


4) Nor Eastern Thais are ExTREMELY polite. They have some of the most genuine smiles I've ever witnessed in people. One evening, my mom , aunt and I walked through the village to the 'evening market'. I'm not joking--we stopped 20 times as villagers stopped to catch up with my mom, some of them not seen her in 10 years. There are no 'strangers' in the village. Everyone knows everyone else.

5) My cousin 'Ta' (the 18 year old young lady--beautiful at that) has a really good friend who lives in the village. When the friend approached her and they started gossiping I realized he/she was a ladyboy. Neither my aunt (her mother), nor the 3 other ladies (who were focused on grilling me for answers) seemed to be phased that a lady boy was chatting up a storm with their daughter. The moment was ....strange for me. Imagine a small town in America with a drag queen that walks up to your aunt's teenage daughter in a local pub/market.

6) We visited a magnificent temple, with a huge dome on top of a mountain. I'll post pictures when my Camera gets here. It was otherworldly.


7) I used a squat toilet for 3 days. It was terrible, but my body is now immune to every imaginable staff germ and microbe in Asia, I'm willing to bet. Basically my entire digestive tract is now invincible, and as soon as I kick this case of the runs, I will conquer the universe with my indestructible flatulence.


8) I took cold showers for 3 days. The 'shower' was a small concrete outdoor room, with a small 'pool' that I dipped a bowl into and splashed what I could only hope was clean water on myself with. The water was cold, and I would repress myself from yelping as my busy grandmom's house always had guests chatting not to far away from where I was going through my 'Thai Bath/Water torture". I like to call the entire experience "Death, Bath and Beyond".


9) I think I'm going to marry a Thai girl. Fauxie and I can be embraced in Internal homo-erotic brotherhood that way. I find their smiles and coy nature irresistible.


10) I find Thai media disturbing. All of the folks on television are fair skinned 'Chinese' Thais who comprise about 30% of the population of Bangkok and even less throughout the general population outside of Bangkok. Yet they are all you see hosting News and Entertainment shows. They have an obsession with 'light skin appearances'. Don't get me wrong--there's nothing wrong with light Asian skin, but the vast majority of thais are a beautiful dark golden brown and red color. The dark skinned Thai neighbor of my grandmothers would come downstairs in his house (the first floor of his house was essentially an open floorplan and I could see from my reading nook down into his house)...anyways, he'd come downstairs wearing just boxers and his glistening, tight, delicious body and tight little ass would be ....stunning. Of course the 2nd and 3rd morning, he came downstairs wearing the same damned boxers though


Finally,
Though I love and appreciate the experience of rural Thailand, the riotous modernity of Bangkok is preferred. The sin, the thump, the insanity of Bangkok is more my style.
Until I find my way back to my beloved Florida where I can hide away on a kayak and experience nature again, this concrete jungle keeps me happy.

.
[Edited 7/7/09 8:50am]

Imago said:

Fucking fantastic piece of writing that made me laugh my ass off! You'd better be journaling this stuff, kiddo. Your first book is writing itself

@ "Death, Bath and Beyond".

Ottensen said:

I forgot the mention that the reason why I had to draw the map of the US and point out California vs Florida was because of Micheal Jackson



3 fucking times in the 3 days I was there, various Thais wanted to know if I loved Michael Jackson ( ).
Seriously, they couldn't care fuck all for Barrack Obama or Jesus Christ himself, but lawd did they want to express their affections for the American Peace Ambassador of the Millennium, Micheal Jackson.

I drew a picture of California and a dot representing 'Neverland Ranch'.... I shit you not.


That's what I get for all my mean MJ comments.... Karma is a bitch in Thailand.


.
[Edited 7/7/09 8:40am]

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

It was hell.

Imago said:

Which was worse the bath or the squatting on the toilet?

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

Oh definitely the squatting on the toilet, at least after the bath I'd feel marginally cleaner. After each toilet episode I felt kind of like Tim Robbins when he made his great escape threw the sewer in Shawshank Redemption. A couple of times, I followed my squat sessions with a death, bath, and beyond.

I'm not joking.

Did you see any scary bugs? Really big ones?

It's the one thing that most frightens me about visiting Thailand. I have such a huge phobia, it really is something I worry about.

evenstar3 said:

I know this is supposed to be all about you and your trip Dan, but the least you could've done was follow the dude with the wifebeater and tats (12 secs in) around a bit.

CarrieMpls said:

No scary bugs this trip.
But each of my previous trips I always saw huge praying mantises.


You see a lot of strange little geckos that craw near light sources at night (to catch little bugs, etc.).

The strangest thing I saw was a type of chicken I'd never seen before. Not like the chicken's we're used to seeing, this type is very small, slender, and has tiny wings. It looks sort of like what a T-Rex might look like if it had black feathers and fasted for a couple of months. The creature was so remarkably ugly I stared at it in awe.

My mother saw my expression and said, in her usual and humorously 'profound' manner, "Thai chicken different from what you used to."

If you really want to be squeal, we'll have to visit one of the large rural thai markets. Many of the animals being sold are still alive (seafood--chickens now have to be dead due to the bird flu scare). It's like a large fish and eel concentration camp, I shit you not.

johnart said:

I'll follow a few around the next time we're in Soi Cowboy or Soi 2 (gay town).

Imago said:

Don't follow them into some alley and get your shit stolen.

Imago said:

I think I would cry. Seriously.

Imago said:

I thought you were going to mention Tim Robbins getting out of that mud bath in THE PLAYER. yuck!!!!

Imago said:

make a picture of yourself in front of Baccara and post it! Do it!

Imago said:

I can only imagine. I bet it's worse in the country than down here. For me it's usually all about 'hello... my son want to learn English...'. Two little girls at the shopping centre yesterday, couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old, saw me going past on the escalator and started pointing and shouting 'teacher! teacher!'




I'm never quite sure how they feel in general about ladyboys and gays though. I mean, I've seen plenty of openly out teenage boys and thought to myself how a 14 year old boy at school in the UK would probably never be able to be like that for fear of bullying. And like you said, often nobody bats an eyelid around ladyboys, yet if you asked my father in law how he'd feel if one of his sons were gay or a transvestite or transexual and the response would probably be very negative. My brother in law and his friends openly joke about 'encounters' they've had with ladyboys though, about the things they've done etc. and there's no sense of embarrassment, disgust, or regret there, unlike with foreigners here who I've known first-hand to take 'accidental' hookups of that nature very badly (i.e. going straight home, depression, drinking, and in one case, suicide ).





You're such a pussy! That's what we use every day of our lives, a tap over a large container, a plastic bowl, and unheated water. Wait until cold season and try having a shower early in the morning. Water at 16 degrees C feels pretty damn freezing!

p.s. Get the water direct from the tap, not from the big container thing. They usually have mosquito eggs floating on the top.




I'm sayin'!!! Just like I said on those p&r threads, chai mai?

Teacher, Teacher





I kind of miss the early morning sight of my grandmom's fine ass neighbor.


.... and those boxers, which I suspect he may be wearing this morning....