The one I think of the most and will tell a co-worker when they've had a particularly assy patient is,

I only have to deal with them for 10 minutes. They have to live with themself 24/7.

Not particularly funny, but it gets me through the day

Usually when someone tries to insult me, I jeer and laugh at them or their intelligence (or lack thereof).
Even if I do feel insulted...laughin at them makes them feel like a fool.

I try to refrain from insultin ppl though.

My favorite insult was one that I made when I was 12 and I didn't know it was until I had everyone laughing in tears, then I realized 'damn, I'm funny'
The insult was this:

A girl on the bus known for being mean and conceited was "capping" on my jeans,
and my friend said "shut up big head" I responded "Tammy doesn't have a big head, she just has a REALLY small face". She did too.

Off the top of my head:

If you had something even close to a human face I would shit on it right now.

I also like the odd mother-insults. They work all the time.

Your mother is so fat, you miss three commercial breaks when she passes the TV set.


If someone tells me to kiss their ass, I usually respond with "Can't you wash your face yourself?"






.
[Edited 6/15/09 7:03am]

I like comebacks that are insulting

The Winston Churchill one is my favourite, when some women said he was drunk

he replied " Madam in the morning i will be sober, however in the morning you will still be ugly"

I don't give a sewer rats behind what you think.

"I don't want you turning the other cheek.it's just as ugly."

ThreadBare said:

I'm also rather partial to

"Kiss my entire ass."


Della Reese

'Ur a waste of sperm' or 'Ur a waste of oxygen'

'Remember kid ur the one load that ur mum should've swallowed'

'Don't get it twisted the last time u scored a piece of arse was when ur finger slipped through the toilet paper'

'U have ONE advantage over me, u can kiss my arse and I can't'

'No shit Sherlock'

'Shut up ur breath smells like cum'

"Ur parents must do it doggy style cause ur a real bitch'

'I like ur approach, now let me see ur departure'

I over heard my 5 year old say this to my 11 year old when she was mad at her one day. "I want to roll you under my bed!"

fuck the fuck off!

piss off

"Fuckface" has a certain... je ne sais quoi

Here's one I just heard on an old TV sitcom recently: "I wish I had a hearing aid, so I could turn you off!"

Honey said:

Ohhhhh boy.....




* you ain't 'bout nuthin'!

* you ain't nuthin but a product of a busted condom

(extended remix)

* you ain't nuthin but a product of a busted condom and a colt 45 in the back of a '76 tahoe!


* why are you still breathing?

* you are a SLAVE

*You smell like failure

* Tell your mom I said HI! ( try it. . . it SUPRISINGLY works!)

* What THE FUCK is wrong with your face?! ( say it loud with geniune concern, lol)

* Well, I AM a hot topic...

* AWWWW! Everybody look! An attempt!

*At night, I cry for you

*AH! BREATH! ( drops to the floor)

*Watch me DOMINATE YOU!

*.....very middle class.....

*Harriet Tubman doesn't approve.....




thats all i got for now....mayne im LETHAL!!!!


Thats why I rarely get into fights. I say the most obnoxious shit that keeps people crackin up,even when they mad

Mine is "Have u been smoking crack while driving backwards"

oops forgot one...Did ur ass flagulate? Cause something stinks
[Edited 6/19/09 10:33am]

Dave1992 said:

"Bitch, please!"

Simple, classic, to the point.

"You F**king (Insert any colour and/or sexual orientation here) Bastard!"

cockmuncher

Love them!

iceblue07 said:

You must be constipated cuz right now, you're full of shit! :

hey shit teeth

why don't you get a piece of paper write "jackass" on it, fold it sideways, and shove it up your ass?

In dutch: reetkever, randnicht (me and my brother mess with words), and when I was young some kid would say "afgeneukte poedelbeer" and no I don't suggest googling anything.