One year, a wife decided to buy her mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, she didn't buy her a gift.

When the mother-in-law asked her why, she replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

*****

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And that's how the fight started.....

*****

A wife was hinting about what she wanted for her and her husband's upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.

He bought her a scale.

And that's how the fight started.....

*****

A man asked his wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'

It warmed his heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.

So he suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'

And that's how the fight started.....

*****

A husband and wife were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while they were in bed.

He turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'

'No,' she answered.

He then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at him this time, simply saying 'Yes.'

So he said, 'Then I would like to phone a friend.'

And that's how the fight started.....

*****

Saturday morning a husband got up early, quietly dressed, made his lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. He hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so he pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. He went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. He cuddled up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

His loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

And that's how the fight started.....


*****

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy Crap’. That must be my husband!' So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!' The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And that's how the fight started.....


*****

A married couple were sitting at a table at the husband's high school reunion, and he kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. The wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' he sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' said his wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And that's how the fight started.....

Nice.

Husband and wife jokes

.
[Edited 6/15/09 15:59pm]

I needed that

Funkpill?????

nope...


all Byron's

ocean said:

funkpill said:

Well, I didn't make them up lol...but I did post 'em

'I AM your husband!' The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

Good stuff!

wildgoldenhoney said:

Go on then!

funkpill said:

yep!

Those are great! More! More!

RodeoSchro said:[quote] Those are great! More! More![/quote]


Yes Please!!!!!

...!!

MrsGoodnight said:

'Knock, knock.'

wildgoldenhoney said:

nobody's home??

funkpill said:

Hey, you cheated.

.
[Edited 6/10/09 16:30pm]

alright david letterman. ...

alright david letterman. ...