It's extremely hard with family for me. I thought i was the only one.

I think it's because we never heard it growing up. I don't even remember hearing my mother say it until I was 23 years old.

Vendetta1 said:

BINGO.

My parents NEVER said it to us, when my sis and I were growing up.

I once suspected my mom was down a few years ago and I sat her in the back yard once when she was visiting my sis. I asked her if she was aware of how loved she was. An I forced myself to say "I love you". She really really needed to hear it.
I wish I could say that it was an awe inspiring, family changing event, but it wasn't. She softened toward me, sure. But it was uncomfortable and almost suffocating for me, even if I meant it.


I think the trick is not being able to muster the will to say it. But to say it often. I haven't gotten there yet.

The only members in our family that enjoy these words liberally and often are my 2 nephews. We shower them with these words daily, and often. It's not even remotely weird for them to hear it, and they are perfectly comfortable with the expression.



Is this an American thing? This disconnect and inability to show love through words?

This would make a fascinating thread on it's own: How your family expresses love. My mom does it through cooking meals. She expresses love through that process. Strange.

Imago said:

i think if families show it, they have no problem saying it.

Imago said:

nope, swedish and australian here, same problem

I wonder if latin cultures have it different? I should ask the master

Well some family members don't know how, or can't express themselves in that way. They aren't use to saying "i love you" but can express it in their own way better because thats where they feel most comfortable. Everybody in my family gives full hugs, but my grandfather gives half hugs...why? Because thats just how he is. His mother died when he was an early age and so I guess he didn't receive a lot of love from his father, so he loves us, but he isn't an "i love you" every 10 minutes type person. It doesn't bother me. I only say "i love you" (to family members) when I feel like it needs to be said, but i say those three words to my boyfriend at least 3 or 4 times a day everyday to him.

I never used to, aside from with my parents....but we had a rough time for a while with deaths in the family and ever since we pretty much all say I love you whenever we can. I try hard to say it to anyone I love...family friends whatever.

Mach said:

You're right, it is a Neil Diamond tune.

pearle said:

My mom brought me up to say "I love you" daily.
Every night before going to sleep I tell my partner I love him.

The difficulty I have is in calling my mother in law "Mom". It's not that I don't love her, the word just doesn't want to come out. I don't know if it's because my own mom passed or what, but I find it difficult, and she wants me to so badly.

johnart said:

do you have to? I could never call mine that either, I'm allowed to call her abuela

I'm an "I Love You" militant in my family. I use guerrilla tactics. You just never know when I'm going to say it. I started when I was a kid. :ninja:

I'd say it to my dad, who's all sorts of old school. He started with, "We love you, too, son..." and has been saying it back for years now. In recent years, he's even initiated it. My dad's been through so much, health-wise, that recent years have really shown us that tomorrow really ain't promised. So, I never let an opportunity pass to let that man know just how much he means to me. I'm straight-up as I type this. I gotta go now...

ThreadBare said:

DanceWme said:

I mean it when I say it. In the past I never said it enough to the right folks. I did try and show it, but sometimes that's not enough, as my daughter has taught me over these last few years. Now, I make a practice at saying it more often, not daily, family traits have a major impact, but way more often.

My family says it all the time, but we only started that after my dad passed away. Shame it takes something so jarring to make you realize you need to tell people that shit BEFORE it's too late

Never came out easy for bf's though Outside of some intense moments here & there, I've rarely said it in a relationship (or had it said to me)...

I don't really say it with my family. Friends and lovers, yes.

ZombieKitten said:

I'm not so sure I should call U when I get back, now!!!

ZombieKitten said:

No I don't HAVE to.
I don't, actually. I will write "Mom" on a greeting card from the two of us, but that's about it. Every now and then she drops not so subtle hints about it and I'm like, umm...it's been 12 years (I didn't speak to you for about a year in between, so I guess 11 ), I'm not starting now.

It really has nothing to do with her. My own mom was such a tremendous part of my life that it just doesn't feel right.

Amaxx said:

you really need to work through those issues

johnart said:

Ditto.

I never tell my family, "I love you." Just wasn't raised that way.

We just let Hallmark say it. I got a very lovey, mushy birthday card from my parents yesterday.

Genesia said:

You do whisper I love you into your likkur cabinet before bed, don't you?

johnart said:

And French kiss every bottle.

Genesia said:

ZombieKitten said:

Yes! I need centuries of therapy 2 fix Me!