OK here is my situation.....


My brother is going through a separation/divorce. He is currently staying with me because he can't afford to be on his own right now. He has 2 kids (an 8 and 16 year old) and works graveyard during the week. He wife is a nurse and works day shift and gets off work at 7 or 7:30.

My brother wants to spend more time with his son. He has one of his sons (the 8 year old) spend the night a few times during the week. However, he is not really spending more time with him because he is at work. My mom and I end up having to watch his kid because my brother is at work (he leaves for work at 6:30pm). However, his soon to be ex wife sometimes picks the kid up after work at 8p, and sometimes he spends the night. Remember.... my brother is at work. So my mom or I have to make sure his homeworks done, showers, eats, put to bed, etc.....

Babysitting to help my brother out once and a while is OK but once or twice every week is friggin ridiculous. I am not a damn babysitter.

I have made sutble hints but I am getting tired of watching his kid when the wife could easily pick him up and watch up. He is their kid not mine. If the wife is at home, she should watch him!!!!

This is really starting to piss me off. I am starting summer school soon and I don't have time to be watching another kid. I also work full time. Also, my brother doesn't feed the kid or buy him food. So I am also stuck paying for all the groceries and he doesn't pitch in.

I am pissed off especially right now because he just asked me to watch him again tonight.....

OK..... sorry for venting.
[Edited 5/20/09 13:03pm]
[Edited 5/20/09 13:16pm]

Do they have access to the org? If so, we could do your dirty work and you can just tell them "look what those people told me to do!" They might get the hint

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I wish he did.....

I am so tempted to tell him right now.

He doesn't really help out with food.... He claims he is broke, however he goes to Vegas (at least twice this year). He goes out and parties every week. He is seen multiple women so I am sure he is spending money.

sexyone said:

It sounds like he has money to spend on what HE wants to spend it on.

Just say No, flat out.

Graycap23 said:

Tell them you're going out on a date with one of your 10 boyfriends and unless they want their kids to watch you humping them on your couch, to come watch them!

Poor kid.

I know he is your brother,and that he is going through a rough time right now,but I think I would have to tell him that if he doesn't start pitching in to feed his own child,and make sure that he has someone to care for him while he is at work,that he is going to have to find another place to stay. You have your own stuff to be dealing with without having the stress of having to deal with his responsibilities also.
[Edited 5/20/09 13:30pm]

OK..... I am proud of myself.

Earlier today, he asked me to watch his kid and for his kid to spend the night. I said yes (but was pissed off inside). I was so pissed I wrote this post.

I was so mad that I had to say something so I called him and told him that his wife needs to pick him up. I work full time and have my own things to do. It is not fair for me to have to watch his kid when the mom could pick up him. He was mad at first but after giving him my reasons he calmed down.

So now..... the kid is being picked up at 8.

Thanks everyone for the advice.

sexyone said:

We helped you!

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

YEAH!!! I wanted to tell him something I just needed that extra push/support.

sexyone said:

Good for you!

I didn't understand one thing:

Why don't you say my nephew instead of the kid?

PANDURITO said:

Why lecture her?

PANDURITO said:

I see what you are saying..... I am not sure why I didn't say nephew.

I was furious when I wrote it that's all.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

sexyone said:

That's OK. I'm sure you love your nephews

PANDURITO said:

the kids

PANDURITO said:

Where's Your Condenmation!?

good your problem is solved for tonight but what about tomorrow or the next night? I would just break it down and simply tell bro that you got summer school and your job and can wifey pick up your nephew right after she gets off work and then just throw in the conversation that you would'nt mind spending time with him on the weekends or your off days but during the week its too much. Does your mom feel the same.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Hope getting that off your chest helped.

You can go at least 2 ways with this.

Way #1- Let things continue as they have and not say anything to your brother.

Way #2- Let him know how you feel. He's in a tough spot right now, but as you mentioned it's HIS spot. You and your mother, I'm certain, feel for him and want to help, but you both have the right to set limits with him.

Looks like you took a step towards that already.


Good luck!

you can help someone and still have boundaries.... if you don't set them things tend to get messy

eg. i've taken in many people in over the years... but when i've agreed to it i've told them how long they can stay... so there's no confusion

usedtobebliss said:

You are right..... I need to set some boundries. I just hope it is not too late since he has been staying here since Nov. He was going to move out next month but I don't think he can afford it. He probably could if he stopped partying all the time.

Oh and another thing.....
I work weekends. He has the kids every other weekend. Most of the time, when I get home from work he takes off and leaves me with the kids and goes out. I guess he figures since I am staying home I can watch them. OK.... I am putting a stop to this too. That's it..... I'm done.

Sorry for venting again.

My brother in law and his wife work 6 days a week, usually from about 1pm until the early hours of the morning. They never take their 18 month old son New with them so it's up to myself, my wife and her mum to take care of New all the rest of the time. And when they're home in the morning and before they go to work they're asleep most of the time too. We're not home all of the time, of course, so then it's up to my mother in-law who's 60+, who has had a stroke and only has the use of one arm, to look after a spirited toddler all by herself.

We're happy to do our bit and help them to be able to work hard and make some money, but it doesn't feel like it's really appreciated, but rather, expected.

I feel worst for my mother-in-law as she could reasonably expect an easier time and this point in her life.