my brother went through something similar... 'cept with 3 kids

there he was... completely broken hearted... working and raising 3 kids (i have SO much respect for him)

it took a while but he's since met an amazing lady... and remarried... i've never seen him so happy... after watching him in a drama filled loveless marriage it's so nice to see him enjoying life now

i hope things can work out for your brother

usedtobebliss said:

Thank you so much. I hope that my brother and Justin can find happiness too.

JustErin said:

1. I didn't say that. YOU did.

2. A child needs both parents in his/her life, that is very true.

But boys need their fathers a lot more because it's the fathers responsibility to teach their sons how to be men, first and far most.
[Edited 5/12/09 16:38pm]

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

In the best and/or worse of times, there is a biological AND psychological bond between a father & a son that even a uncle can not always replace. But that should never stop you from being the best mentor that your nephews need in their lives, especially if their father is a "loser" (as you said).

Wow! Sorry to hear that! As hard as it is for ME to admit. I have 2 agree with Ocean! Regardless of which parent it is, it's hard to comprehend another person being more important in your life than you child!

TonyVanDam said:

I know I can't be their father. I can only do what I can do. Hopefully one day they will realize all that I've tried and have done for them and love me for it. Now they think I'm a mean uncle but the kids need discipline and I try since there isn't a father to do that for them.

hokie said:

I'm sorry

Not to down play this AT ALL, but maybe she realizes he's better off with the father and you...sounds like this boy will still get the love he needs and deserves. Some day she will kick herself, but thankfully he has other great family to turn to.

Good luck

ugh that poor little boy!
Jill after not seeing my little guys for 3 weeks and imagining how much they have missed me, this just breaks my heart!

hokie said:

No not at all Jill! It's a different situation, it's one thing to give up a child out of love and wanting better for them, and a whole different ball of wax to just walk away because you are only thinking of yourself.


Like I said...this little boy is very lucky to have you, you are an amazing woman! Who has much love to give!

CarrieLee said:

I know you aren't downplaying it at all. Thank you for your kind words. It means a lot. They're here with me now and I am holding back so as not to break down and cry.

hokie said:

Thats class In the same situation i hope i would react the same but in reality probably not

well if she is sick enough to do this, then she is too sick to raise this child, and this baby is better off..sad to say, without her..and your nephew is blessed to have you and your brother in his life..

I hope all of this works out for the best and you all are happier soon

Although a sad situation... the child will be better off with his Dad in the long run.

endymion said:

When I was going through my own divorce and now with this situation my sole motivation was/is the kids. Their happiness is my number one concern. I have 2 boxes...one is for my feelings about my ex as a person and the other is for my feelings for him as a father. Although I don't like him too much he IS a great father. The boys love him dearly and it would be utterly selfish for me to mess with that in any way. In fact, the only true choice I see is that I nurture that love they have for him and do everything in my power to help it grow and stay healthy.

Although I do NOT think my brother's wife should be caring for my nephew or making any decisions regarding his welfare she IS his mother. Always will be no matter how we all feel about her or what she's done. In Justin's eyes his mother is the best thing in the world and I wouldn't shatter that notion for anything. When he grows up she will have to own up to what she's done. It's not for me to mess with.

My husbands 1st wife left him and their children 3 times before the 4th and final time that he insisted that she then not come back

for " other men and women "

she took the curtians off her childrens windows when she left ...
she would go months and often yrs without calling/seeing them
for several of those yrs she lived 10 minutes down the road

some people are just not right

Mach said:

Yes. Something is not right with my brother's wife. I cannot fathom her thought process. If she were very mentally ill I could almost make sense of what she's done, but knowing she left of her own free will and that she selfishly chose her own wants and desires over her child makes me sick.

sag10 said:

Our older children ( 30 & 28 ) - this past Mother's day weekend ...

were both telling their partners in front of their Dad and I, that their Biomom leaving them and having us as parents instead was THE best thing that could have happened

giving brth to a child in no way makes a woman a good mother and sometimes it is best for child to have unhealthy disfunctional parents " go away "

Mach said:

I wholeheartedly agree. Just because you can have sex, get pregnant, and physically birth a child does not automatically make you a mom. It's all the stuff that comes after that that counts.

hokie said:

well said hokes, okay i have heard enough.. the Hiedi Montag bitch is history

if only more people thought this way maybe there would be a lot less trauma for children in the whole mess that is divorce

hokie said:

Love to you and your brother and the little guy

endymion said:

You know...at first I wasn't sure if I could do it. But, it really was very easy. It's not hard to be nice to my ex and it's not hard to be friends with him. I do it for the kids and because I love them more than life itself it's just second nature. I don't even have to really think about it.

There have been a few instances where I've had to grin and bear it, but for the most part it's been easy to do.

Mach said:

Thank you Mach.

endymion said:

It's one of my biggest failures with my nephews. In the face of a blowout where seriously I was prepared to kill their dad if he came into our house (he was high and flipping out to the point I would totally have beleived a woman was being stabbed to death had I not seen him out in front of our house) my nephew made excuses and tried to turn the shit on us.

So on one hand, he is witnessing first hand the absolute danger his father is to our family.

On the other, he still wants to protect and defend him.

How do you walk this line of not giving them issues over their dad and at the same time giving them a reality check on what is really the truth?

Hokie, if you can walk this tightrope, I'm thrilled for you. Mine seems to be burning at both ends....

That's pretty weird. I know someone that nearly did that (not in quite such a cold fashion) but she couldn't really continue.

I think fathers are more easily able to leave children behind than mothers. Stereotyping, yes, but I believe that. I don't think she'll stay away for that long unless she's truly disturbed/on drugs in which case it may be better that she's not in the kid's life anyway.

Mach said:

Wow Mach, I knew you were not the older children's biological Mom, but I never knew the situation. How wonderful that they had/have you in their life.