iinthesky85 said:

That's what I mean. Sometimes even when a person really wants it it's not something they can just talk themselves into overcoming.

hokie said:

True but then she rally needs to consider talking to her doctor about medication as well as therapy. There is no shame in it. In fact consider it a great strength to admit your weaknesses and to seek help. I don't know where I'd be right now if I let pride and/or shame stand in my way.

iinthesky85 said:

I can agree with you now.

I really don't want to be scratching myself, I barely ever do , just 2-3 times in the past week, I really want to get help for everything I'm feeling bottled up inside. This is not me at all even though I was generally down. So to answer your question, I really want to stop and I will before it consumes me, cause right now it's not consuming me.

I'm mostly having physical symptoms like migraines, nausea, backaches etc. hard to get out of bed, and sometimes day when everything is making me cry for no reason. Someone talking in a soft voice being nice to me makes me cry too, someone scaring me with their aggressive tone (coworker) makes my stomach turn and out of breath makes me passive aggressive, I don't react right away sometimes I repress it and then later on I'm angry, it could be hours later, or even weeks later and then I become resentful.
[Edited 5/12/09 12:08pm]

alphastreet said:

Thanks vendetta. There is someone I can talk too at where I pray about it cause she suffered with depression for 10 years and we were taking the same medication at one point and comparing experiences. I'm worried to get into it deep cause even though she's genuine, I don't want things around me going around, especially cause my family is well known and well respected in the community and there is so much gossip.
[Edited 5/12/09 12:15pm]

i'm currently going through Clinical Depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's not fun. Meds are great however I think therapy has been the best thing for me to help me understand why I react the way I do and what triggered it.

I self diagnose all the time, I'm sure I'm experiencing post-trauma of some kind too emotionally, which is why I can't function properly in the real world, cause I stopped a long time ago and now I'm being forced to do so. By that, I mean I was always shy and introverted and chose to surround myself with good-natured, genuine people, but with work politics, people could be nice but they are real people and it's very hard for me to adjust to, cause I'm too quiet.
[Edited 5/12/09 12:22pm]

alphastreet said:

since starting therapy i've become a big advocate of it.

oh I'm definitely an advocate for therapy, but not for medication. I don't agree with how it's handed out like candy, though I do know some people need it badly. I may need it, but I'm anxious about it since I was on them and it changed a lot of things about me.

alphastreet said:

my psychologist stated she'd rather have me smoke pot than take antidepressants or anti-aniexty pills
[Edited 5/12/09 13:05pm]

LOL hemp would probably help me too, but I'm not into drugs though I experimented a couple of times when I was a teen. I'm glad I tried it then and not now, cause if I did now, I would probably get addicted cause I stress out easily and stay far away from that shit.

sometimes lyrics can help.....and don't forget - you are beautiful


BEAUTIFUL (Lyrics) by eminem

im just so fucking depressed
i just cant seem to get out this slump
if i could just get over this hump
but i need something to pull me out this dump
i took my bruises took my lumps
fell down and i got right back up
but i need that spark to get psyched back up
and in order for me to pick the mic back up

i dont know how or why or when
i ended up this position i'm in
i'm started to feel dissin' again
so i decided just to pick this pen
up and try to make an attempt to vent
but i just cant admit
or come to grips the fact that i may be done with rap

i need a new outlet
and i know some shits so hard to swallow
but i cant just sit back and wallow
in my own sorrow but i know one fact
ill be one tough act to follow
one tough act to follow
ill be one tough act to follow
here today gone tomorrow but you'd have to walk a thousand miles


in my shoes, just to see
what its like, to be me
ill be you, lets trade shoes
just to see what id be like
to feel your pain, you feel mine
go inside eachothers minds
just to see what we'd find
look at shit through each others eyes
it dont matter saying you ain't beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you
dont matter saying you ain't beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you

i think im starting to lose my sense of humor
everything's so tense and gloom
i almost fee like i gotta check the temperature of the room just as soon as i walk in
its like all eyes on me i try to avoid any contact
cuz if i do that then it opens the door for conversation like i want that
i'm not looking for extra attention i just want to be just like you
blend in with the rest of the room maybe just point me to the closest restroom

i dont need no fucking man servant tryin ta follow me around and try to wipe my ass
laugh at every single joke i crack and half of them aint even funny like hahhhhh
"marshall your so funny man you should be a comedian god damn"
unfortunately i am i just hide behind the tears of a clown
so why dont you all sit down
listen to the tale that i'm about to tell
hell we dont gotta trade our shoes
and you dont gotta walk no thousand miles


in my shoes, just to see
what its like, to be me
ill be you, lets trade shoes
just to see what id be like
to feel your pain, you feel mine
go inside eachothers minds
just to see what we'd find
look at shit through each others eyes
it dont matter saying you ain't beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you
dont matter saying you ain't beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to youuuuu

nobody asked for life to deal us with these bullshit hands we're dealt
we gotta take these cards ourselves and flip em dont expect no help
now i could have either just stayed at home sit on my ass and pissed and moaned
or take this situation with which im placed in and get up and kick my own
i was never the type of kid to wait by the door and pack his bags
and sat on the porch and hope and prayed for a dad to show up who never did
i just wanted to fit in in every single place every school i went

i dreamed of being that cool kid even if it meant acting stupid
and edna always told me keep making that face and it'll get stuck like that
meanwhile im just standing there holding my tongue trynwa twalk like dwis
then i stuck my tongue on that frozen stop sign pole at 8 years old
i learned my lesson then cuz i wasn't trying to impress my friends no more
but i already told you my whole life story
not just based on my description
cuz where you see it from where your sittin its probably 110% different
i guess we would have to walk a mile in each others shoes at least
what size you wear? i wear tens
lets see if you can fit your feet


in my shoes, just to see
what its like, to be me
ill be you, lets trade shoes
just to see what itd be like
to feel your pain, you feel mine
go inside eachothers minds
just to see what we'd find

look at shit through each others eyes
it dont matter saying you ain't beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you
dont matter saying you aint beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you
so
it dont matter saying you aint beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you
so

yeah
to my babies
stay strong
daddy will be home soon
and to the rest of the world
god gave you shoes to fit you
so put em on and wear them
be yourself man
be proud of who you are
and even if it sounds corny
dont ever let anyone tell you you ain't beautiful
[Edited 5/12/09 21:14pm]

The first two lines of the song were pathetic, but I read on and feel a lot of that right now

my coworker personally attacked me in front of two coworkers earlier this week and I've been a basket case since. I don't know if I mentioned it, but I'm going for therapy soon and have been crying almost everyday this week. I'm really down you guys, and I've been calling a helpline and a cousin of mine twice a day to get through it, I really need help. Despite always being anxious, I was always strong and had my mom's strength and faith, but now it's decaying a little bit and I have to bring it back up.

alphastreet said:

I am so sorry to hear this. I began therapy again last week.

Try to give yourself a light at the end of the tunnel. Think of therapy as help being on the way. We are all stronger than we think we are.

I am currently in one of the most miserable times of my life too....no way out of it at the moment...nothing seems to go my way...I made my bed I suppose...but I can honestly say I can't remember a more stressful, unhappy and meaningless time in my life...life should not be so damn hard...

one way to combat depression more naturally is to #1...get some exercise...a brisk walk etc. It releases something in the brain that makes your mood better...

and

vitamin B6 complex is often hugely effective and there are no side effects. Take it in liquid form, hold it under your toung (saliva mixes with it to make the body process it the way you need) and it helps your energy, which is often sapped by depression.... (only thing is...you will feel great but it might make you stay up way later...so gauge how much B6 you should take...start in small amounts and "talk to your doctor")

alphastreet said:

Do two things: Take a shower every day (not cuz you're dirty or anything). It gets you out of bed. Don't languish in a bed, or on the couch. Get up, get a clean set of clothes and take a nice, hot shower. Rub yourself with lotion after. Moisturize yourself. Primp a little bit, ya know?

And get out in the sun. Let it hit your face. Just sit. Take a book, a blanket to sit on, a cup of water...whatever you're comfy with. Get a good hour of it. Just enjoy the warmth, the brightness, the beaming. Or even go for a walk. Do part walk, and sit later. Just in the sun.

Shower and sun. It's not a cure. But it helps. Trust me.

hey honey,

as many peeps know I've suffered from anxiety for a little bit. I'd freeze and have this fear of people looking at me and judging me, I couldn't take sitting at a restaurant ) i posted abut it on here i think) i started crying I was terrified, so we left.

take it minute by minute I still do when out and about.

As someone said take a shower/primp urself.

For a few weeks i was dependant on drugs but Ive never been a fan of meds ( Meds do work for some peeps just mot me) so one day I just told myself I had to walk through it- literally- I had parked my car and i had to walk 10 mns to get to my next class and they were people everywhere so I had my hand in my coat pocket with my phone inside and concentrated on the phone- the shape of it, the curves, the feel of it ans started walking till i found myself near my class.

Then I began taking the train to uni ( to save $ among other reasons) I took a book I had not read in years with me and concentrated on that, then I had to take the train home one day and it ws 5.30 rush hour- I was scared and I had to stand- again I ust concentrated on my book and I found an hr later I was at my stop.

Slowly I began becoming creative - 1st with reading- since I hadn't read in a looooong time, writing poems, talking walks to get some exercize with and without my camera cause i loove taking pics.....

Minute by minute honey..... :hugs:

Someone on here told me one gr8 tip which I still use- People have more important things then to think about you- or something like that.

Therapy is gr8 too either one on one or in a group!

Love M
[Edited 5/16/09 2:22am]

alphastreet said:

It's not only the addiction but the fact it does lead to further depression.

yeah I really believe exercise, energy and especially environment are strong predictors for tackling anxiety and depression, to release natural endorphins in the body.

I want to say I'm doing better, but the feelings have just been more intense than ever since Wednesday and my body is feeling ill too with pain, nausea, dizziness, anxiety, feeling panicked and worried. I definitely need medication, but I'm too afraid, and want to try all those things you all suggested...they worked for me when I weaned off the pills years ago. I've been crying, intensively angry making noises and mumbling my frustration under my breath every chance too.

I have self-help books on emotional abuse and I'm trying to figure out a way to confront my supervisor about this individual without looking like a crybaby, but it's so hard. This co-worker I'm dealing with is just a terrible human being and we've had issues for almost a year and now I'm so frustrated.

The reason I'm not quitting is cause management is amazing and I really need them as a reference, and I'm saving for my huge trip which will include catching up with friends, hanging out with friends from here who are going separately for studying but around the same time as me, catching up with relatives, seeing mj in concert, and celebrating a religious event all at once, this trip is going to be one of the best times of my life and anything that is threatening me from not going is getting in my way too.
[Edited 5/16/09 15:27pm]
[Edited 5/16/09 15:28pm]

i know!
[Edited 5/16/09 15:56pm]

alphastreet said:

after counselling sessions in the early days- id be on cloud 9. next day i would feel awful. the rollercoaster does settle down with time.
our bodies work in very strange ways


once i was "better" panic attacks could be more intense, but would settle quicker- and i knew that they would- that was the most important thing in my case.i think it was because i was afraid of being afraid.

i have been bullied at work before- its not a nice thing. accepting that the problem isnt with you, but your supervisor, can help. it doesnt solve anything, but changing ur perception of the situation can be a start.

are management aware of this person?


when i changed buses, i was worried that panic attacks would rear its ugly head again, as i had to catch peak hr public transport to the city.

i love this time of the day now i take in the beautiful, changing scenery (Hobart is a pretty place), and listen to P on my MP3/ph.

It could have easy gone the other way, but i wouldnt let it- and thankfully, i was strong enough to be in control.

it has taken me a while to get to this place tho, with lots of support from family- and occassionaly, help of medication.

remember, no two ppl are the same. u need to do what is best for you

good luck once again



Tracy xx

yeah a few things, but I'm talking to them this week about what happened