what do you do when you are BEYOND angry, hurt, and confused??

when there's noone around to talk it out with and no way to fix the situation?? when you feel like all you want to do is knock somebody the fuck out?????


its just after midnight now - perhaps i will go clean the garage, at least i'll get some stuff done while i work out my anger.




i know someone is gonna ask why im mad, i dont have time to explain it all now but i will say that my daughter i gave up for adoption has been attempting to ruin our relationship for the past 2 months. i have been patient and loving and supportive and there for her... the last two days have been just to much! there is no excuse for the shit shes doing, she is only trying to hurt me and when i didnt react to the crap she was doing, she went to levels that i never knew a person could go - all to hurt me!! ME!!!! the one who has done nothing but think of HER best interests before my own for nearly the past 19 years!!!!! i am BEYOND sick and i am FUCKING STUNNED that a human being could be that cold...


sorry, i needed to let that out, im going to clean the fucking garage!

well h. e. double hockey sticks, woman!!






I was confused when you said she'd been hurtful before and I'm confused now... But I know people are fucked up when you start to peel back the layers and know that there's probably a myriad of emotions and feelings from her and none of it is rational. That trip to see you all must have really done a number on her.

emm said:

thanks girl

everyone keeps telling me how young she is and how teenagers only think of themselves like thats gonna make me feel better. thats bullshit! i was HER age when i made the decision to break my heart for life to give her a better life than what i could offer her and THIS is the thanks i get?????

i am amazed and ashamed of her character, i have NO idea who taught her that this is how you treat another person. its sick and twisted. not only did she manage to FINALLY piss me off to where i dont care what the hell happens, she did it in front of a bunch of my family and now they are looking at her like shes gone freaking nuts!! she ruined what could have been a real blessing in all of our lives.... it makes me want to scream!!!!








its been a looooong time since i've been this angry! i appreciate your kind words and i know tomorrow after i sleep some of this anger off i'll really enjoy reading them again

as for right now, i detail cleaned my kitchen - it looks great and i think im finally in a place where i can lay down and go to sleep.

instead of counting sheep tonight, i will repeat over and over.... find the positive, find the positive, find the positive God life is interesting sometimes!!!!!

I'm so sorry girl


emo-edit
[Edited 5/1/09 23:37pm]

As she gets older she will realize what you did for her 19 years ago was the best gift you could offer her.

I think she will be more appreciative and thankful when she herself becomes a mother one day. Then I think it will hit. And you can spoil your grandchild.

You're both angry, hurting, confused, etc - give her time and some space to sort herself out. Let her know you love her and will always be there for her no matter what.

I don't know the whole story of what your daughter has done to you...but I know when I finally had a chance to talk to my birthmother via letters, I lashed out. I was angry with her...because in my eyes I felt she thought of only herself and not my best interests. I have told you my story, and my past with my adopted parents, so you can semi understand why I probably lashed out at her. I will say I now regret doing it, but I do have to say it made me feel better. If I could change it I would but I can't. I just hope your daughter will come to realize the strength it took you to let her go, and give her something you couldn't at that time.

My thoughts are with you, and you know I am always here.

MoniGram said:

Moni, you and Supa...you guys always have the right things to say!

Oh yeah, and Mach too

typing in caps helps.

O.M.G. Nekky I'm so sorry this has happened.

I'm just glad you came here and vented and took your anger out on your poor unsuspecting house.



Because it is all too raw for you to go into details, there's really not a lot to say about WHY your daughter is acting in a way you find hurtful. I'm just so sorry the situation has deteriorated to this point.

The situation ya'll are in is difficult at best. I know you're hurting, but if at all possible, don't close the door. Your daughter is young and working through everything will take her time. Don't excuse horrid behavior, set loving boundaries to be sure, but again, you're going to have to be the bigger person.

You had to be big when you gave her up for her to have a better life.

You're going to have to be the bigger person as all of you come to terms with whatever your relationship will be in the future.

I love you Nekky. Hang in there.