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Thread started 04/27/09 7:33pm

Anxiety

Picking your battles: When do you let it loose and when do you keep your mouth shut?



I'm pretty sure I know my answer to this question, but recently I had my resolve pushed to the breaking point...and beyond...and I did something I don't usually do and I read someone their pedigree in mixed company. I'm not saying that I took any delight in it, and in fact it just made me angrier that someone kept needling me until I got pushed to that point...but now, looking back on it, I don't know if it was a moment of weakness (I knew I wouldn't get through to this person or make them understand anything, so why bother?) or if it was a much-deserved moment of "you bet your sweet spanx I stood up for myself!" and I should be proud of the fact. :snapsnapsnap:

So what about you? Do you go confrontational every time someone says something inappropriate around you? Do you try to keep your calm because you don't want to get into it with people? Do you try to gently set people right? Does that backfire? When you pick your battles, where do you draw the line?

When's the last time someone pushed YOU to a place where you had to just plain break down the facts to them? lol mad
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Reply #1 posted 04/27/09 7:53pm

heybaby

At work I have to continuously bite my tongue. There is a director in a different department who gossips a lot and seems to have it in for me. This man knows nothing about me. There were literally days when I wanted to punch him in the nose and THEN tell him to kiss my ass but that wouldn't go over well when the rent is due so I just pretend he doesn't exist lol
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Reply #2 posted 04/27/09 7:56pm

Lammastide

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You read someone and aren't giving us details!?!? C'mon... you know better than that. disbelief
Ὅσον ζῇς φαίνου
μηδὲν ὅλως σὺ λυποῦ
πρὸς ὀλίγον ἐστὶ τὸ ζῆν
τὸ τέλος ὁ χρόνος ἀπαιτεῖ.”
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Reply #3 posted 04/27/09 7:57pm

heybaby

Lammastide said:

You read someone and aren't giving us details!?!? C'mon... you know better than that. disbelief

I've yet to see Chris really really angry but I'm sure its a mutha when it comes out lol
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Reply #4 posted 04/27/09 8:00pm

ocean

I will bite my tongue on most things... Lifes to short and most the time it's not worth it. Mess with my kids though and it's on mad
[Edited 4/27/09 20:02pm]
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Reply #5 posted 04/27/09 8:04pm

pplrain

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I am usually mellow.... yes I am nod.

Some people can rial me the fuck up more than others and I usually let my wicked sense of humour get in the way of my anger to them.

Sometimes I like to drive the nail well beyond to get my point across to them, the real idiotic ones that is. nod
[Edited 4/27/09 20:04pm]
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Reply #6 posted 04/27/09 8:13pm

ThreadBare

It all depends. My best friend and I joke about how, not long ago, we both were ready to quit our jobs. On a day when we both were really feeling it, national headlines said U.S. unemployment had just hit a 25-year high. lol

But we both will read people, if pushed there. I'm less inclined in my latter years -- I've mellowed considerably since my 20s, when I was a little hothead.

The last time I was in that position, I prayed and quoted Scripture for weeks and the person who was making my life hell disappeared in disgrace. To that end, I'm letting God fight my battles, these days.
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Reply #7 posted 04/27/09 8:16pm

johnart

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redface
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Reply #8 posted 04/27/09 8:17pm

matthewgrant

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I'm usually look pretty calm and cool but when I go I simply blowup on people because I've bottled it all up inside. I need to work on that boxed
[Edited 4/28/09 8:40am]
12/05/2011guitar
P*$$y so bad, if u throw it into da air, it would turn into sunshine!!! whistle
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Reply #9 posted 04/27/09 8:22pm

Anxiety

heybaby said:

Lammastide said:

You read someone and aren't giving us details!?!? C'mon... you know better than that. disbelief

I've yet to see Chris really really angry but I'm sure its a mutha when it comes out lol


i don't want to go into too many details. let's just say i've had to deal with someone who, for the past couple of years, has been very vocal about their socio-political views. and let's just say their political aesthetic runs a few inches to the right of archie bunker. lol

and for the past couple of years, i've kept my mouth shut, because i really haven't wanted to engage with this person about politics or social issues, because i knew i had nothing to say which could change this person, and i've already heard enough of their ignorant point of view to know they would NEVER be changing me.

but last week, they finally wore me down. in the middle of a "harmless" discussion, they slipped some prejudiced BS in the conversation and i finally let them have it. really, i just stated my opinion as calmly and as gently as i could, but that started to escalate, and it just got worse and worse until the reading of the beads was forced to happen. lol

i'm kind of like threadbare. i tend to prefer letting powers greater than myself take care of people who need to have lessons taught to them. god/fate/The Way/whatever you want to call it, that force in life does a better job of kicking people in the ass than i ever could.

still, though...sometimes it just feels like people want to corner you and force you down to their level. it's a disgusting feeling. it's a kind of violation as far as i'm concerned.
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Reply #10 posted 04/27/09 8:29pm

Ace

avatar

Anxiety said:

Do you go confrontational every time someone says something inappropriate around you?

No.

Do you try to keep your calm because you don't want to get into it with people?

Yes.

Do you try to gently set people right?

When I have the energy.

Does that backfire?

It can, when it's met with nonsense.

When you pick your battles, where do you draw the line?

When your shit starts infringing on my shit? You better watch yo' shit. nod

When's the last time someone pushed YOU to a place where you had to just plain break down the facts to them? lol mad

A few weeks ago. But I've gotten a lot better at remembering that anger is a waste of energy and rarely accomplishes its goal. That said, I'm human and - if you push your luck - I'll toss you a brush-back or two. biggrin
"Acceptance, forgiveness, and love."
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Reply #11 posted 04/27/09 8:30pm

ThreadBare

Anxiety said:

heybaby said:


I've yet to see Chris really really angry but I'm sure its a mutha when it comes out lol


i don't want to go into too many details. let's just say i've had to deal with someone who, for the past couple of years, has been very vocal about their socio-political views. and let's just say their political aesthetic runs a few inches to the right of archie bunker. lol

and for the past couple of years, i've kept my mouth shut, because i really haven't wanted to engage with this person about politics or social issues, because i knew i had nothing to say which could change this person, and i've already heard enough of their ignorant point of view to know they would NEVER be changing me.

but last week, they finally wore me down. in the middle of a "harmless" discussion, they slipped some prejudiced BS in the conversation and i finally let them have it. really, i just stated my opinion as calmly and as gently as i could, but that started to escalate, and it just got worse and worse until the reading of the beads was forced to happen. lol

i'm kind of like threadbare. i tend to prefer letting powers greater than myself take care of people who need to have lessons taught to them. god/fate/The Way/whatever you want to call it, that force in life does a better job of kicking people in the ass than i ever could.

still, though...sometimes it just feels like people want to corner you and force you down to their level. it's a disgusting feeling. it's a kind of violation as far as i'm concerned.


Man, i hear you. Especially when you feel like they're trying to do it out of
sport. Ugh. And, in my situation, I found a moment to speak my piece but I didn't say it the way I wanted to. The way that would've felt good. lol
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Reply #12 posted 04/27/09 8:34pm

heybaby

ThreadBare said:

Anxiety said:



i don't want to go into too many details. let's just say i've had to deal with someone who, for the past couple of years, has been very vocal about their socio-political views. and let's just say their political aesthetic runs a few inches to the right of archie bunker. lol

and for the past couple of years, i've kept my mouth shut, because i really haven't wanted to engage with this person about politics or social issues, because i knew i had nothing to say which could change this person, and i've already heard enough of their ignorant point of view to know they would NEVER be changing me.

but last week, they finally wore me down. in the middle of a "harmless" discussion, they slipped some prejudiced BS in the conversation and i finally let them have it. really, i just stated my opinion as calmly and as gently as i could, but that started to escalate, and it just got worse and worse until the reading of the beads was forced to happen. lol

i'm kind of like threadbare. i tend to prefer letting powers greater than myself take care of people who need to have lessons taught to them. god/fate/The Way/whatever you want to call it, that force in life does a better job of kicking people in the ass than i ever could.

still, though...sometimes it just feels like people want to corner you and force you down to their level. it's a disgusting feeling. it's a kind of violation as far as i'm concerned.


Man, i hear you. Especially when you feel like they're trying to do it out of
sport. Ugh. And, in my situation, I found a moment to speak my piece but I didn't say it the way I wanted to. The way that would've felt good. lol

I hate when I do that lol
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Reply #13 posted 04/27/09 8:34pm

Ace

avatar

Anxiety said:

i don't want to go into too many details. let's just say i've had to deal with someone who, for the past couple of years, has been very vocal about their socio-political views. and let's just say their political aesthetic runs a few inches to the right of archie bunker. lol

and for the past couple of years, i've kept my mouth shut, because i really haven't wanted to engage with this person about politics or social issues, because i knew i had nothing to say which could change this person, and i've already heard enough of their ignorant point of view to know they would NEVER be changing me.

but last week, they finally wore me down. in the middle of a "harmless" discussion, they slipped some prejudiced BS in the conversation and i finally let them have it. really, i just stated my opinion as calmly and as gently as i could, but that started to escalate, and it just got worse and worse until the reading of the beads was forced to happen. lol

You know Miss California?! omfg
"Acceptance, forgiveness, and love."
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Reply #14 posted 04/27/09 8:37pm

Anxiety

Ace said:

Anxiety said:

i don't want to go into too many details. let's just say i've had to deal with someone who, for the past couple of years, has been very vocal about their socio-political views. and let's just say their political aesthetic runs a few inches to the right of archie bunker. lol

and for the past couple of years, i've kept my mouth shut, because i really haven't wanted to engage with this person about politics or social issues, because i knew i had nothing to say which could change this person, and i've already heard enough of their ignorant point of view to know they would NEVER be changing me.

but last week, they finally wore me down. in the middle of a "harmless" discussion, they slipped some prejudiced BS in the conversation and i finally let them have it. really, i just stated my opinion as calmly and as gently as i could, but that started to escalate, and it just got worse and worse until the reading of the beads was forced to happen. lol

You know Miss California?! omfg


actually, the argument started because of that ho. mad
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Reply #15 posted 04/27/09 8:45pm

Anxiety

ThreadBare said:



Man, i hear you. Especially when you feel like they're trying to do it out of
sport.
Ugh. And, in my situation, I found a moment to speak my piece but I didn't say it the way I wanted to. The way that would've felt good. lol


that's exactly what i felt was going on, and i HATE that with a passion. i don't enjoy debating for the sport of it. i enjoy debating if both people are working toward a common ground (even if we're calling BS on each other every step of the way), but if someone's bickering just for the enjoyment of hearing their own voice, or to sharpen their claws on my brain, screw that. plus, that kind of attitude cheapens my respect for their views. do they really believe what they say or are they just trying to be all, "oooh, controversial and IN YOUR FACE"??? yawn

i mean, you know, if you've stated something you passionately believe, and i've stated that i believe 100% the opposite of you, and it's clear we've thought about our beliefs, then it's time to agree to disagree and move on. NOT THAT DIFFICULT. nuts
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Reply #16 posted 04/27/09 8:50pm

reneGade20

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Anxiety said:



I'm pretty sure I know my answer to this question, but recently I had my resolve pushed to the breaking point...and beyond...and I did something I don't usually do and I read someone their pedigree in mixed company. I'm not saying that I took any delight in it, and in fact it just made me angrier that someone kept needling me until I got pushed to that point...but now, looking back on it, I don't know if it was a moment of weakness (I knew I wouldn't get through to this person or make them understand anything, so why bother?) or if it was a much-deserved moment of "you bet your sweet spanx I stood up for myself!" and I should be proud of the fact. :snapsnapsnap:

So what about you? Do you go confrontational every time someone says something inappropriate around you? Do you try to keep your calm because you don't want to get into it with people? Do you try to gently set people right? Does that backfire? When you pick your battles, where do you draw the line?

When's the last time someone pushed YOU to a place where you had to just plain break down the facts to them? lol mad


First off, I love you!! It has been a long time since I've heard anyone outside of New Orleans use the phrase "read someone their pedigree"... lol

Secondly (and more on point), it's difficult these days for me to draw the line because in my unit, I'm known as the PC police (I'm an EO advisor)...so when I hear inappropriate shit being said, I pounce like a toyger (said with hard cockney accent)...but I know that I have to temper it with regulations and laws rather than with my confrontational nature...
He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.
(George Eliot)

the video for the above...evillol
http://www.youtube.com/wa...re=related
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Reply #17 posted 04/27/09 8:56pm

Anxiety

reneGade20 said:


First off, I love you!! It has been a long time since I've heard anyone outside of New Orleans use the phrase "read someone their pedigree"... lol



lol

My grandma used to say it, and for the longest time I didn't know what she was talking about. When the light bulb finally went on in my head and I finally "got it", I thought the saying was nothing short of genius. lol
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Reply #18 posted 04/27/09 9:06pm

reneGade20

avatar

Anxiety said:

reneGade20 said:


First off, I love you!! It has been a long time since I've heard anyone outside of New Orleans use the phrase "read someone their pedigree"... lol



lol

My grandma used to say it, and for the longest time I didn't know what she was talking about. When the light bulb finally went on in my head and I finally "got it", I thought the saying was nothing short of genius. lol


It is a great saying.....but nothing beats the facial reaction of the person whose pedigree just got read...because I swear they probably don't know the saying, but they without a doubt understand that's what just happened.... lol
He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.
(George Eliot)

the video for the above...evillol
http://www.youtube.com/wa...re=related
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Reply #19 posted 04/27/09 9:13pm

Anxiety

i think part of it is, i don't know how to spar. i pull hair and kick groins and i poke out eyes. i don't like to "play fight". i'm the same way with verbal sparring. don't pretend to be taking me somewhere deep and dark just for your own jollies, because I WILL say something you probably won't like. it's different if it's just being silly and teasing and goofy...but even then there's a certain level of trust implied. i just don't have the ability to play with things that i consider to be delicate and closely held. those things aren't toys.
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Reply #20 posted 04/27/09 9:20pm

ZombieKitten

people here in USA let it all out baby lol
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Reply #21 posted 04/27/09 9:23pm

johnart

avatar

ZombieKitten said:

people here in USA let it all out baby lol


Are you on your way???
lol
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Reply #22 posted 04/27/09 9:37pm

reneGade20

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Anxiety said:

i think part of it is, i don't know how to spar. i pull hair and kick groins and i poke out eyes. i don't like to "play fight". i'm the same way with verbal sparring. don't pretend to be taking me somewhere deep and dark just for your own jollies, because I WILL say something you probably won't like. it's different if it's just being silly and teasing and goofy...but even then there's a certain level of trust implied. i just don't have the ability to play with things that i consider to be delicate and closely held. those things aren't toys.



My wife likes to refer to what you described as either "losing her religion" or "letting her color come out"...

in either case, it's not cool to be the target....and GAWD KNOWS I've incurred her wrath with my lack of sense sometimes... razz
He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.
(George Eliot)

the video for the above...evillol
http://www.youtube.com/wa...re=related
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Reply #23 posted 04/28/09 5:18am

Mach

I usually don't bother - and I usually have no interest in battles - I mean SERIOUSLY zero interest in it lol

And even if something does spark me, I normally choose to ignore it because I just don't choose to invest lol like I seriously don't care much what other people spew outta their mouths ...

shrug

NOW - say something about my child - maybe a different story bitchfight

My husband and I don't go the heated debate route in making our points so I really have zero desire to go there with anyone


Now, YRS ago, before my rebirth move to the south ...

oh HELL YES mad it was on every damn chance I felt it needed lol THAT was exausting

for me it would be much easier to just physically beat a bitch down then waste words on them ...

eek
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Reply #24 posted 04/28/09 5:29am

Cuddles

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reading
To make a thief, make an owner; to create crime, create laws.
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Reply #25 posted 04/28/09 6:23am

heybaby

Mach said:

I usually don't bother - and I usually have no interest in battles - I mean SERIOUSLY zero interest in it lol

And even if something does spark me, I normally choose to ignore it because I just don't choose to invest lol like I seriously don't care much what other people spew outta their mouths ...

shrug

NOW - say something about my child - maybe a different story bitchfight

My husband and I don't go the heated debate route in making our points so I really have zero desire to go there with anyone


Now, YRS ago, before my rebirth move to the south ...

oh HELL YES mad it was on every damn chance I felt it needed lol THAT was exausting

for me it would be much easier to just physically beat a bitch down then waste words on them ...

eek

you seem so cool and calm but I can see you doing this lol
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Reply #26 posted 04/28/09 6:28am

CarrieMpls

Ex-Moderator

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heybaby said:

Lammastide said:

You read someone and aren't giving us details!?!? C'mon... you know better than that. disbelief

I've yet to see Chris really really angry but I'm sure its a mutha when it comes out lol


erm. didn't he punch someone in the head last summer?

just sayin'. wink
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Reply #27 posted 04/28/09 6:31am

Mach

heybaby said:

Mach said:

I usually don't bother - and I usually have no interest in battles - I mean SERIOUSLY zero interest in it lol

And even if something does spark me, I normally choose to ignore it because I just don't choose to invest lol like I seriously don't care much what other people spew outta their mouths ...

shrug

NOW - say something about my child - maybe a different story bitchfight

My husband and I don't go the heated debate route in making our points so I really have zero desire to go there with anyone


Now, YRS ago, before my rebirth move to the south ...

oh HELL YES mad it was on every damn chance I felt it needed lol THAT was exausting

for me it would be much easier to just physically beat a bitch down then waste words on them ...

eek

you seem so cool and calm but I can see you doing this lol


lol nod may be cuz I have


boxed

long ago ...
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Reply #28 posted 04/28/09 6:42am

Anxiety

CarrieMpls said:

heybaby said:


I've yet to see Chris really really angry but I'm sure its a mutha when it comes out lol


erm. didn't he punch someone in the head last summer?

just sayin'. wink


i was merely acting in self defense. lol
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Reply #29 posted 04/28/09 6:43am

CarrieMpls

Ex-Moderator

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Anxiety said:

CarrieMpls said:



erm. didn't he punch someone in the head last summer?

just sayin'. wink


i was merely acting in self defense. lol


I know! lol
I was shoving and swearing myself. redface
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