In the spirit of Alanis Morissette's "Unsent", I decided to write my own collection of unwritten letters (well, notes at least) to past and present lovers. I will admit I cringed internally a bit when I realized how many more subjects my version would include than hers when I'm so much younger, but what the hell.

I used pseudonomous names, but trust me that the nicknames make perfect sense in my head given the individuals and the situations.

Here we go:


Unwritten Letters to Lovers

Corporal:

I lost my virginity to you. It was unplanned, and I would have preferred our friend, but there you go. Life takes you on unexpected avenues. When I first met you at 12 I had no idea that only a few years later you would be the first I would be makin' some mad whoopie with for the very first time. I can't lie. The experience left me somewhat underwhelmed and wondering what The Big Deal About Sex really was, after all that. I only ever had sex with you one more time, and I think you know why. I hear you have a kid now. Take care of her.

EarthMother:

I haven't seen you since high school, but there isn't a day goes by that I don't think of you. You were my first real introduction to how wonderful and beautiful sex without men could be. But you were more than that. You were one of those rarely true free-spirits, but you fell into bad habits of kinds it's too painful to think about. I want you to be well. We never had a romantic relationship, and looking back, I regret us not having been more than friends-with-party favours.

Pet:

I'm very sure you really did love me when you told me so, and I'm more sorry than I can properly explain that I couldn't return those feelings. You deserved more than what I could give you. You're a great guy and you'll make someone a great little wife one day, though I do hope you can get over allowing yourself to be a doormat. I took advantage of that, and I'm sorry. You and Megs are adorable together, and I wish you well. She's better for you than I think I ever could have been. If you're ever in town, give me a shout on the two-way talker and we can do coffee.

Turkish Delight:

You are a douchebag. I'm not sorry never to have seen you again. Great in the sack though. That's all I have to say to you, except possibly a reminder that sexual assault is frowned upon in polite society.

Tobi:

We were friends then and are friends now. Distance seperates us and I admit I've been lazy in my communications but never doubt that I love you. You irritated the piss out of me on our trip but even so I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. I wish you could see my new place. I wish we could be together to dork out over a certain boyband. I wish I could hear your boyfriend's band. I miss you.

Diana:

You make me hurt inside. Not for anything you've done, but for memories you unwittingly evoke in me. If I could put into words every emotion you've made me feel over the time I've known you, all the great poets and songwriters and playwrights of the world would be out of work. You remind me of my father, of the homeless people I've known and worked for, of every single one our society rejects and leaves to struggle alone. Every time you smile too hard or you laugh too loud or try too hard to be the life of the party you break my heart. But I admire you for how hard you've worked to get your life together, and I trust that somehow you will make something remarkable of yourself. Because you already are. Remarkable.

Nautilus:

Too often I was drunk and lonely and thinking of Someone Else. And I really do hate to have to say it, even in print, but you're boring. In bed and out of. There's no kinder way to put it. How can someone so physically perfect be such a snore?

2Hottie:

The name says it all. And even though it was just a one-time event you bear mentioning. I lived with you for nearly a year as a strictly-platonic roommate and it probably is for the best it happened the way it did, given you had a semi-serious girlfriend more or less the whole time we called the same domicile home. But hol-ee shit. You're smokin', kid. If the opportunity ever presents itself, don't think I won't be jumping on that barely legal ass again. You have my old room now. I find that hotter than I probably should.

Gee:

I loved you for such a long time without even admitting to myself that's really what was going on. I wasn't just causing you to cheat on The Banshee. I understand now that I really did hope you would leave her for me. You left her, alright. Just not for me. I wouldn't be opposed to trying to be friends with you again, but I wish I had accepted the warning signs earlier of what a selfish cockhead you really can be. Niceness truly is the best camouflage.

Kitten:

Though you have boy parts you're more girl than most biological women could ever hope to be, in all the best ways. You're my current. I admire you and Locks for having the strength to act as a healthy and functional polyamourous couple. Most monogamous relationships aren't half as beautiful, loving, and secure as what you two have got with each other. Society could stand to take lessons from you two. Tell Locks to please come home, I miss her.

Sonshine:

You live with Kitten and Locks. We fooled around drunkenly one night, something I never would have done had I understood that you had actual feelings for me. But what was I expected to do? They never said anything, YOU certainly never said anything. But I would love to spend time with you again, mano y womano, and see where this adventure goes. You're lovely. And it's getting time to try having someone of my own.


<3

This feels like I'm reading your diary.

I like how the last one ends.

Deep and meaningful. Nice writing style...

Thank you, both of you.

how weird is it that i recognize three of the last four from your posts here?



oh and my letters for the most part wouldn't be near as poetic. it would start out "the story of what people thought happened is infinitely more interesting than what actually happened.

.
[Edited 5/25/09 8:08am]

Mine would be short:

1) Wow, talk about your New England chowder...

2) Shame. That ring money could've should've gone to a really great guitar instead. But, hey, I get the next one at half price. Bonus!

3) My girlfriend's cat was smarter than me, after all. .

4) Wow. Remember what your mom used to say about interracial romance? Life. Is. Funny.

5) Missed a call from Dallas. Thought it was you, but it turned out to be a different scam artist. I wonder if I should buy that car warranty...

6) Spain?

very cool.

cool.

ThreadBare said:

I don't think I really left anything unsaid in any of the relationships I've been in...If I did write something to each, though, they would all express the same types of thoughts and feelings:

I'm sorry. I'm thankful. I'll always see you in your best light. You're never forgotten.

Different degrees for each of those four depending upon the relationship, but all of those would hold true for each one ...

I love the way these are written, meow, but geez, you sure have burned through a lot of lovers for your age!

Of mine, only the first and last were/are truly lovers. But the middle two were transformative near-misses...

To T: Ultimately forgiving folk is a given with me. But I won't lie, forgiving you remains something I need daily to remind myself I've done. I continue to pray on it, but in the meantime, don't ever let me see you.

To T2: You're right, T was nowhere near the person you are. I screwed up... and I hope you've found a person far more than what I am.

To R: Near perfect match, but could we have had any worse timing? You've changed me for the better. I hope I've returned the favor in some way.

To T3: God clearly has a sense of humor. Here we are. Let's do this.
[Edited 5/25/09 9:45am]

emm said:

Guess you've been paying attention.

I've got an admirer!

ThreadBare said:

Byron said:

It's amazing how universal those leftover thoughts and emotions can be after the fact.

Oh god, mine would be hilarious but I can't make them sound all poetic and shit like meow85's.

Lammastide said:

Technically, 2Hottie and Sonshine only sort of count. I considered leaving them off the list, but in their own ways they're just as significant as the rest. Everyone in my list touched me in some way that'll stick with me.


Short, and to the point. But very nice. You get the message across.
[Edited 5/25/09 14:20pm]

JustErin said:

Hilarious works too. If you knew Turkish Delight, you'd be laughing your ass off at what I wrote.

meow85 said:

Very nice and interesting read!

Thanks for the kind words, folks.

meow85 said:

His "name" says it all.

JustErin said:

Oh God, you can only imagine.

It's orgers like you that make me keep coming back for more!! I LOVE what you've written and shared with us...

you're beautiful soul...

meow85 said:

Aw thank you! I'm not as much a doormat anymore haha. I've never really felt wronged by you only moments of regrets. This made me smile. I wish you well as well and i will certainly be up for coffee next time i'm in town.

Although I'm still uncertain about "Megs" and I. I appreciate the well wishes
*hugs*
[Edited 5/25/09 14:17pm]

Daznym17 said:

Glad you got the orgnote so fast.

meow85 said:

I'll do something up tonight....

RenHoek said:

Thank you.

JustErin said:

BH
SHOULD have been my lover, but I was only 15. My mum hated you for breaking my heart like that. I always wonder what I would say if I went into the Office Supplies store you work in now, maybe to buy a stapler?

TAD
I was really truly in love with you, I have a feeling you think we were together only because people thought we made a great couple. I'm sorry I broke up with you over the phone it was very unkind of me. We had 3 great years, but the last 2 were kind of miserable.

MW
I should have run away with you to Western Australia! You were built like a god lol. I guess all the time you spent in the gym and smoking dope at your mate's place would have worn thin though probably for the best I didn't follow you, even though you said you had butterflies in your stomach whenever you thought about me. Living with you was the most fun 6 months I'd ever had by that stage. I wish I knew what you were doing now.

meow85 said:

My list is too long! I gave up as I couldn't decide which ones to post and didn't want to post them all.

JustErin said:

I had to make a list ahead of time so I could weed out the one-nighters, those I had nothing left unsaid, and those I just didn't give much of a shit about.