This is a rant! You have been warned!

I sent my son to his dad a couple of months ago because he was getting into trouble. After talking to my ex, I thought he had matured and was happy. I was under the impression that he was going to marry his long time girlfriend and had a stable relationship. I am close to his fiance Tanney and we talk a lot. I was so hurt when she told me that he was cheating on her and that this female has been calling her harassing her. The man is dead. What is the purpose of calling her giving her grief? The first thing that came to mind was that he had done the same to me many years ago. Then I became pissed off and have been cursing his ass to hell whenever I think of him. The night my ex died, he had messages from this tramp what they were going to do to each other, condoms and other shit. He told so many lies to his fiance she didn't know what to believe. Not to mention this secret life he was living on the internet and with a bunch of young girls in these motorcycle clubs. I feel betrayed and confused. I was beginning to like my ex as a person and we were getting along (which is surprising after all the shit we went through). Every time I see some one who looks like him I give them the finger. I am just a mess right now.

O

M

G.

When did this happen hon? Is this recent??? Goddang.

And, are you OK?!

Well, I'm sorry for your son losing his dad. On another note, the selfish way he led his life won't affect anyone else ever again.

I'm terribly sorry.

It sounds like despite the divorce and work toward reconciliation as friends, you still have some rather powerful issues around him. Do you have anyone helping you sort this out?

I am so sorry for your loss!

No one deserves to go out like that. But if this isn't a sign, I don't know what is! That chick is waaaaay bad news.

I am so sorry for the not needed drama!

I'm sorry for the loss. Even if he was a jerk, he was still part of your life, and had a child with you. So the mess you seem to be, is very much understandable.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

March 9th it happened. My baby is okay and he is coming back to LA in the summer. February I had bariatric surgery and my doctor told me that I am having serious hormone changes effecting my moods. I just want to get passed being pissed at my ex and cursing his ass to hell. I don't want to be upset at him. I just want these feelings gone. I thought I was over all this.

Thanks for the sympathy guys! You guys are my therapy.

Gosh. I'm very sorry.

No wonder you weren't around for your birthday!! How is your son? How old is he??

I really dislike motorcycles. Whether he was an ass or not it's a loss your son will feel always.



lyin' cheatin' grrrrr

I feel sad for you. Feel Better....

Holy shit, that's major

JerseyKRS said:

Ditto

Wow...hope you and your son are ok dear Lady

Goodness - best wishes for you and your son

OMG

Sorry 2 hear that.

I'm so sorry to hear this, Shy. It sounds to me like you're displaying one of the classic stages of grief 'anger'. He may have been an absolute bastard but he was also your baby's daddy and you therefore shared a strong link, so you're fully entitled to your feelings.

The only advice I can offer is to keep talking; talk it out, write it out, get it all off your chest and straight in your mind. I know its probably not something you want to do, but in my experience its the best therapy there is - so find a couple of people who are prepared to listen and get it all out.

Be strong Shy, your baby needs you!

My thoughts are with you

JerseyKRS said:

cosign.

And be gentle with yourself. I'm sure in the weeks to come you're going to have all kinds of confusing feelings; let yourself have them. And give yourself credit for being a stable, loving parent to your son.

I'm sooooo sorry to hear.

OOOH. sorry boo. these damn mensis will drive a B$tch to drink even from the grave child. even from the muthFkn grave!

CalhounSq said:

Yeah it is. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.

To you and To your son.

Again...

I miss you,

im so sorry for both of you

Lawd have mercy! I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, but most of all, i'm sorry that you are very angry with your ex right now. It's understandable that you are angry with him because your trust was betrayed, even though the two of you weren't together. His fiance probably had an intuition that he was messing around on her long before she even told you anything. Not justifying your ex's behavior because what he did was low down and dirty, but he will be paying for it most definitely. So let your anger go and be there for your child. He's going to need your strength right now, don't let your anger for his father cloud your judgement with the love, grief, and loss he feels for his dad.

Keep your head up!!!

First off, I'm very sorry for your son's loss and your loss. As someone previously said, you two shared a great bond through the birth of your son. Obviously you cared for him as the father of your child, and trusted him to care for your son, thus your willingness to let him take care of your son for awhile. As a hospice social worker, I often see those that are left behind become very angry at the one that died. It's a normal process with grieving. However, add on top of the grief you are feeling, the many actions he undertook to betray your trust, your son's trust, and his fiance's trust, then it is very understandable that you would be feeling angry. Also, there may be some anger directed at him from you for him "leaving" your son. It's hard to raise a child as an only parent, and you obviously had him there to help you and your son out (by taking on caregiving of your son while your son was having problems), but your son also may come to a point when he needs a man's guidance, and this will fall to you now or a male relative/friend. Regardless of where your anger is coming from, it is perfectly normal to feel that way. Don't hide your feelings though, especially from your son. Our children learn how to grieve losses from us, by observing how we grieve, and if they see us hiding our feelings, then they often will hide their own feelings, and issues they may have with the loved one may remain unresolved and cause problems in later years.

I would really recommend you call a local hospital and see if they offer any grief groups. It would really be good to get your son involved, so that he can see that any feelings he may be having are normal, and it will allow him to express himself openly, without him feeling like he has to "protect" mom. But I would also recommend that you go as well. They can help you to process your emotions as they arise as well.

Again, I'm very sorry for yours and your sons' loss.

Damn. Sorry to hear that. My brother and I gave up bikes a long ass time ago because them shits is way too dangerous, especially in L.A. with 800 katrillion cars on the road and not a single one of them looking out for you.