EmeraldSkies said:

That's a totally fair question. I put myself out there.

I could give some long treatise after all these years on the org in an attempt to be profound, but... nah. Instead, suffice it to say that despite the fact I was married under the false pretense I could sweep who I was (am) under the rug, pray it away, use mind over matter, etc. (which I wouldn't advise y'all try at home ), I've come to affirm my own sexuality... and yet love my wife (and vice versa) in a way that waaaaay trumps it.

After 14 years together, I'm presented with someone who still believes in our mutual devotion and servanthood (which I believe marriage to be), is a cheerleader when I need it, kicks my ass when I need it, forgives even the dumbest things I do, nurses my sick ass, has a compatible spirituality and goals in life, knows me inside and out like no other, unconditionally loves me anyway and bore and raises my child with the same unconditional love -- and I'm moved to be the same to her. I ain't trying to lose that.

EmeraldSkies said:

WOW. I wonder if its more difficult for women because of the whole hormonal and period thing and even pregnancy. I mean that's gotta factor into the relationship you have with your body and how you view "living in it". Like that chick/dude that calls herself pregnant man. I say "she" cuz she kept the most feminine parts. from the neck up she looks like a dude and not even that much when she lost the facial hair. she kept her vagina, uterus, tubes the whole shebang. she just cant nurse the babies.

This and Autism are two disorders that really make me scratch my head and go "HUH?" Plus when you hear stories about people saying they knew when they were 3 or 4, I'm thinking how do you even conceptualize gender (society's concept) at that age. Many households can be gender neutral e.g. not a lot of discussion or outward expressions in the form of mannerisms, clothing, dos and donts. I hardly ever see Moms these days wearing dresses or makeup or acting in any particular way. As you get older the stereotypes are more defined but at age 3 what are you looking at exactly that screams male or female? Maybe its a chromosome imbalance. Its fascinating to say the least.

Imago said:

I know a lesbian couple, one partner of which underwent procedures to become male. His partner at first was shocked! It effectively put her into an opposite-sex relationship, which she NEVER thought she'd be in!

But things worked out. They've been together for years now and they recently bore a child with help from a donor friend.

Lammastide said:

Your wife if one lucky woman.

Lammastide said:

thats beautiful but do you guys have sex or are you cheating on her with men? sorry to be direct but you opened the gates and thank goodness cuz i was getting bored with this thread

DesireeNevermind said:

We are monogamous and satisfied ...at least that's what I'm being told.

With regard to men, I like to look. Heck, I LOVE to look! But I'm personally not so consumed with them that I must touch.

...Anyway, enough about me.
[Edited 4/22/09 9:55am]

DesireeNevermind said:

We are monogamous and satisfied ...at least that's what I'm being told.

With regard to men, I like to look. Heck, I LOVE to look! But I'm personally not so consumed with them that I must touch.

...Anyway, enough about me.
[Edited 4/22/09 9:55am]

Lammastide said:

We have to thank you though! Because sometimes listening to the personal testimony of others is a powerful tool for learning that which we did not know before, and expanding our minds for understanding

One of my best friends is married gay (not bi) man (although he doesn't live with his wife, she is in Paris). While their marriage is unconventional to most, it's also abundantly clear that he worships the ground his wife walks on, supports her in all endeavors be it emotionally, spiritually, or financially...and baby, when she blows into town, the world STOPS for this woman. They are so extraordinarily connected, just not sexually. They don't want to procreate, so it works just fine for them

wonder how many gay women are married and faithful to straight men?

Ottensen said:

I've seen all sorts of arrangements -- some utterly unhealthy (IMHO); others dignified and extraordinarily heartening (IMHO). I'd never pretend my situation is ideal for most -- or always easy -- but people in my position are not all selfish DL types screwing around, spreading diseases and using our spouses as "beards."

"Far From Heaven"

Lammastide said:

Understood. In my friends case everything is so clear and out on the table. Everyone in his social and professional life knows he is a gay man, but just happens to be married in a loving, non-sexual relationship with a beautiful Parisian goddess. Not to sound like a tree-hugger, but they've managed to create their own version of a utopian like ideal. It makes me sad that that the whole Down Low epidemic has come to what it has...those stories always remind me of that Julianne Moore film, "Far From Heaven"...did you see that...? Sooo good...

I was born in the wrong body. I was meant to be a 6ft tall, blond supermodel

Ottensen said:

Never seen it. I'll have to check it out.

rasplicious said:

so you should have been me!! hehehehe

Ottensen said:

Everytine I try to watch that movie I fall asleep. Julianne pretty to look at but her acting makes me Anyway you make a good point about the down low epidemic and it is one on both sides - women and men. I knew a guy whose love/apple of his eye turned out to be a cheating lying lesbian and broke his heart. He does not care for my gender anymore but still dates. He just doesn't trust and breaks hearts as his heart was broken. There is so much shadyness out there and so much disease (dont get me started on the rising HIV cases in women) and so much destruction between the sexes that its a wonder the human race even survives ( i mean this whole thing is not new). But its nice to hear there is some fidelity left in the world even if it is unconventional as Lammastide has shown us.

But fuck it, I still want 3 hubbies! A fine young one for the sex, an old rich one for the money and a middle aged religious one to keep me from going to far off the end of the universe and ensure my entry into holyville.

Man, this thread has been totally jacked.

Lammastide said:

It's sooooo gooood

It's a Down Low story that takes place in the 50's, with overtones of racism in addition to the social stigma of homosexuality. I'm not sure, but I think Moore was nominated for 2 Oscars that year, for this film, and then "The Hours". I'm telling you, Julianne was tearing it up that year !

DesireeNevermind said:

For me, I make a clear line of difference between being staright and bi-sexual. I think if a person is gay it would be difficult to faithfully maintain a marriage to a straight person. when they are bi, they can take either or and be happy. In the case of my best friend, he's not bi at all, and therefore has no sexual relationsip with his wife, that's what his boyfriends are for . i imagine it could work the same for a woman; if she's gay, they she would have a sexual relationship outside of the marriage. But if she was a bi-sexual, meaning that she was equally attracted to women and men, then (I'm guessing ) it's not an issue for them to sexual maintain fidelity in their marriage,because they're attracted to their mate in the first place...


awww helll where in the world is vendetta and Meow when you need them I don't think either of them is into marriage per say, but at least they might be able to shed some light on the 'female bi-sexual in the context of a committed relationship' thingy, cause it's clear i don't know what the hell I'm talking about

Ottensen said:

Queer woman married to a man here. Was strictly with women before I met my husband. Met him, fell instantly in deep, unmistakable, life-changing Love, and married his ass. We are completely monogamous and I couldn't be happier.

Like Lammastide, I'm a look-but-don't-touch-er. We both notice hot women on the street, watch lesbian porn sometimes, and occasionally go to a strip club together. But I don't get physical with women. My sexual relationship is with him and him only. For my husband, I guess it's kind of like having a wife, a lover and a buddy all in one. A buddy who gets PMS.

EmeraldSkies said:

Good Lord, yes she is. I'm sorry, but Lammy just knocked me the hell out with that one

Ottensen said:

totally... my admiration for this man only continues to grow

Ottensen said:

Queer woman married to a man here. Was strictly with women before I met my husband. Met him, fell instantly in deep, unmistakable, life-changing Love, and married his ass. We are completely monogamous and I couldn't be happier.

Like Lammastide, I'm a look-but-don't-touch-er. We both notice hot women on the street, watch lesbian porn sometimes, and occasionally go to a strip club together. But I don't get physical with women. My sexual relationship is with him and him only. For my husband, I guess it's kind of like having a wife, a lover and a buddy all in one. A buddy who gets PMS.

Queer woman married to a man here. Was strictly with women before I met my husband. Met him, fell instantly in deep, unmistakable, life-changing Love, and married his ass. We are completely monogamous and I couldn't be happier.

Like Lammastide, I'm a look-but-don't-touch-er. We both notice hot women on the street, watch lesbian porn sometimes, and occasionally go to a strip club together. But I don't get physical with women. My sexual relationship is with him and him only. For my husband, I guess it's kind of like having a wife, a lover and a buddy all in one. A buddy who gets PMS.