Recent events in my life, and my current circumstances, have lead me to behave in a manner that does not become of a grown man and a friend. I have lost control over my emotions, which had caused me to act and react irrationally.
I have caused many of the very kind, loving people in my life a lot of worry and pain. Some of them ran away, some of them got hurt and left and some just got tired of my behavior and gave up. All of which I understand.

I want you to know that I am deeply sorry for my actions. I have no excuse but loss of sanity. Loss of control over my life. Loss of hope. It pains me that I have hurt so many beautiful souls during this time and I would like to take this place to apologize to them.
I am posting this thread for the reason that many of you cared about me and I
believe there are many who cared about me without my knowledge, and they also deserve an apology.

I know my words might not mean a lot right now, or ever, but I do hope that one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me. I love you all and I love giving all of me to you. Right now I'm in no condition to do so, and in dire need of mental and physical healing. I hope you will see it in your heart to judge me for the friend I was to you over the years, and not by these recent weeks.
I admit to failure. I admit to shame. I really am sorry. You did not deserve this. No one is to blame for this but myself. I should be in charge of my own life, and it wouldn't be correct, nor fair to blame anyone but myself for the pains in my life and the pains I have caused others who have tried to be there for me.

I love you all, and I appreciate all of your support. It means the world to me to know that friends like you exist. I wish I could repay. Maybe one day you will allow me the opportunity to do so.

Ariel



And a request for all who read this - Please respect the privacy of the people involved. This thread is not meant to become a gossip thread, or share any personal information. The ones who are involved, will know who they are, and this is addressed to them. I will appreciate your cooperation.

Y So Serious?

Be good to yourself

i forgive you













Nah, I hope everything turns out right for you

You're a good soul Ariel, I hope you get through these tough times and find a good path to travel on beyond the dark woods. I'm sure that those who call themselves your real friends are travelling by your side.

I am sure this means a lot to the one (s) you are speaking of.

I hope things get better for everyone involved, my best to all of you.

Sorry Ariel... I have one of these that I will be writing soon too....

sending love and healing vibes your way

Dearest Ariel,

Let me take the time for not having enough time to properly and adequately support you. Life has a way of sending us these storms that whisk us away from out intended purpose. You are one of the kindest people I have even known from this place. Your generosity of heart and clever wit are lost on some people but not on me. I hope that you can heal and come into a space and a place where you have everthing you want and need and more.

Be good to yourself

Sending many blessings to you Ariel

you are always my friend...no matter what...

sending you shine and some 's to smell along the way..

peace be with you and in your heart.

Thank you all. You are very kind.

I wish I could control my passion to a level that is accepted on earth. Or share just enough to make people happy, and not scared. The ones I love, I love with my all. I would give anything for their happiness, including my own. I fear I've failed this time and caused unhappiness or discomfort to many of them.

Richard, all I want in life is to have someone I love, smile to me in the morning. Anything else is irrelevant. I'd be happy in any situation, as long as I have someone to love by my side. Even now, when I'm struggling to survive, I'd be happy with a loved one.
It breaks my heart that I have hurt my friends. I hope they will see one day that I really care for them. Really love them.

I wish I had more time to spend talking to you I feel I have been a bad friend for not trying harder, but you know how it is when you have 3 kids on school holidays

HeavenlyB said:

Well if you can go gay for pay it would solve two problems!

Hold yourself up and stay strong. You have taken the best step you could have and the hard part is over.

It may surprise you Richard, but I'm not far from that. Desperate times call for desperate actions.
I am trying to work on myself. I am about to surrender to medication, against my belief that there's a natural way of healing in most cases. It would be the first time in my life and it scares me.

HeavenlyB said:

well I wouldn't call it desperation

Innocent Hugs----->

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Well, if there was room for straight for pay, and I'd be physically fit for that, I'd probably be on my way to do so.
Right now I am about 30 lbs lighter than I was a month ago. And not enough funds to make a good enough impression to get paid for it.

HeavenlyB said:

eat! Have you thought of contacting a counselor? You need to get this shit OUT.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I've spoken to some people on the phone. unfortunately it took a lot of me to do so. and unfortunately it was during Easter, where here in Toronto it means everything is closed. At least the places I could go to. I have to find the strength and acceptance again, to make another call.
I don't know how much the can help me though. I'm not sure how much the free clinics can do. There is so much you can get for no pay. It would scare me to gather all the strength I have to go there, just to find out there is nothing that can be done for me.

you know i'm your cheerleader


it's been a lot all at once but if you reach out you will find hands extended back. you can do this. you can take control.

Keep your chin up, keep strong, and look toward a positive future.

Hey man,

All differences aside for good. you're a good guy man sometimes we all have moments that we cant hold on and we let it out sometimes at the wrong time. believe me I have been there where I have said or done something to hurt people. and not meaning to well one never means to do so.

IAintTheOne said:

These events caught me unprepared. I've been confused and in panic. It caused me to say and do things I'm ashamed of and deeply regret. I should have not treated the people I care about this way. I should thank them for being there, and instead I pushed them away, scared them and make them worry.

You are the sweetest heart, Ariel ~ and had a rare psychic window that crazily guessed my age. Much love and light to you. Toronto is such an amazing city with so many resources. Please seek them out until you find the one right for you. If Nathan and I make a late Spring trip there as planned, we'll give you a call.

MoonSongs said:

Thank you. That would be cool to meet up.
I've also been thinking of going to France for the summer. It's been 15 years since my last trip, and I miss my family. I hope I'll be able to work things out with money and paperwork for that to happen.