I am having my 17 yr old son evaluated for this after teacher/advisor recommendations. I would love to find someone who has gone through this to talk to.



UPDATE 3/23-
They have diagnosised him with Asperger's.

I talked to him (at him) on Friday. Three intersting things came from that.
First, we never thought to ask him if he though he was different from other kids his age. The answer is that he does think he is different.
Second, he already has heard and looked up the diagnosis. He started connecting the dots before me. I had no clue. I think he heard one of his teachers mention it.
Third, I asked if he had a NEED to be social, but it was just very difficult, or, does he have no NEED.
He has no need to be social. That takes some guilt off of me. I feel bad that he spends hours alone and has no friends at school. It does not bother him at all.

I am relieved we are all on the same page now. We have a more realistic expectation of what his life may look like as an adult.

I really appreciate the support. It was helpful as I was trying to work through it.
[Edited 3/23/09 9:23am]

We have 2 orgers with autistic children as far as i know and i think Gold319 has a grown son with Aspergers but i am not 100% sure

My nephew has it.

My partner had a student in his class with Asperger's.
It was challenging (for both). He had to make certain adjustments and be mindful of triggers and such but she graduated!

mdiver said:

That's who I'd love to talk to. I need to get an idea of how adult life is with this. I am having to re-think what my expectations are.

JustErin said:

Hoe old is your nephew?

I don't have a child with it, but my sister has it

rnljs said:

17? That seems kind of late. Did he change over time or has he always been unique?

johnart said:

I really need to find out some of the strategies teachers can use. My son has done wonderfully up until a year ago. Now we are at rock bottom. His teachers are very willing to explore what they need to do for him. I am so grateful for that.

rnljs said:

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Thank you!

It's strange. Although I don't want my child to have a diagnosis that something is wrong, it does give an answer to the last 17 years of having a 'different' child.

I've taught 2 students with it

rnljs said:

My partner taught Massage Therapy. And he replaced a teacher, which right off the bat set off the whole "change in routine" trigger. So she was less than kind to him when he came in. Once he knew about the Asperger's he immediately educated himself on the condition and applied what he learned to the way he taught her.She ended up doing well in the class and getting along with my partner just fine. Matter of fact she didn't want to leave him when graduation came.

This is someone in their 20's, but if you'd like to send some questions you might have regarding educational strategies I can pass them on and see if my partner can share any of his experience with you. Just pm them.

rnljs said:

well it would mean that God felt safe to charge you with one of his special creations



Isn't aspergers a form of autism but high functioning?

rnljs said:

He's 8, he's difficult to deal with but has a brilliant mind.

My nephew has it. When I found out I thought it was a new "label" that allowed parents to deny the mistakes they made of the difficulty of raising a child. A very cynical point of view, yes, but in this day and age...

But what I realized was that his condition actually explained what I was perceiving as "parenting mistakes" This kid was extremely difficult and they had to do things that were out of the ordinary just so he would not explode at dinner.

I hadn't seen him for years, and saw him again last summer. My feelings were confirmed. It was not bad parenting or over-labeling. He really has this condition.

He's incredibly intelligent but will focus on a subject to the point of obsession, telling you every detail about birds, for example. He's constantly touching stuff & looking at stuff, very curious, and a little aloof.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

He is special! Thanks!

Yes. They have difficulty with one on one communication, change in routine and some sensory issues.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Always unique. He NEVER seeks out social communication. He NEVER makes eye contact. We knew he was above average intelligence very early, 2-3 years old. You get use to a kid's eccentric behavior and your routine seems normal. Often times it isn't diagnsosed until teens. They don't have any normal teenager tendencies. They are concerned about clothing, hygiene, or social activities. He doesn't want to learn to drive. I still pick out his clothing every morning, and if I tell him to get dressed, he will put on the very same outfit every single time. He doesn't want me to replace his shoes, get him a hair cut or change the furniture in his room. Yes, it was odd. But he was consistantly odd for 17 yrs. He is very sweet, but has little emtion for anything.

NDRU said:

That is my son.

rnljs said:

Feel free to ignore all my questions but I'm just curious! Have you found that challenging, the lack of emotional connection or at least the lack of expected connections. Does he display a connection to you and his father that he doesn't to others or is he generally the same approach across the board?

I hope whatever the outcome is that you have peace about it and that you continue to live a successful and happy life

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I am at the point where I want to talk about it. It helping me feel more in control.
No, he really never showed a connection to anyone. He wasn't a huggie/kissy baby/toddler/kid. I loved on him, and he just tolerated it. He wasn't cold, just not very responsive. He didn't seek out attention ever. It never is a need for him.
The challenge is in not just letting him fly under the radar. I have to make an effort everyday to talk to him (or at him). It can be so uncomfortable for the both of us. I try to encourage conversation, but he isn't interested. I don't want to sound condensending to him, and sometimes it comes across that way.
He isn't going to have the same adult life that my other kids will have. That's the new reality I am working with.Prior to really understanding what is probably happening, I think I still thought he'd outgrown some of this. He probably will not.

here's a great first-person account of aspergers called "look me in the eye". i highly recommend it:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/...0307395987

My 18 year has autism.

Anxiety said:

Oh damn. I shouldn't have gone to Aazon. I ordered that one and two other books on the same subject. They got me.

rnljs said:

i'm guessing you at least got the free shipping though, right?

OK, NPR geeks might now who I'm talking about but there is this Animal Lady who has gone through the slaughter industry to make the process animal friendly because she has an understanding from the animal's perspective. Does she has this or is it something else?

Anxiety said:

Yup. Still spent too much money though!!

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I have never heard of her.

I use to think my son only liked computers and animals. But, when we got a dog, because he shows little emotion, the dog and him never bonded. It's just computers now.

rnljs said:

i know the feeling.

i think you'll like the "look me in the eye" book, though. the author is not only someone living with aspergers, but he is also the brother of augusten burroughs (who wrote "running with scissors"). a talent for writing clearly runs in the family - the book is informative, emotional and very funny all at the same time.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

not necessarily..my niece wasn't diagnosed til after her graduation from high school...i haven't seen her in a while..i don't know how much it affects her day to day.she does have a job and lives at home with her dad..i need to look her up..