Evvy said:

Okay..I will be honest...and I hope everyone here will understand...

My Mother is a very heartless woman, she was extremely abusive (emotional and physical) while I was growing up. She judges folks before she meets them, she can be very two faced. She talks behind people's backs, but is friendly to them face to face. She can take a happy and proud moment in your life, and find everything that is wrong with it, making you feel like garbage, and that make that very thing you are proud of seem like nothing. Sadly, I can't trust her, but I find myself always seeking her approval. Which of course I will NEVER get. She is older, in her mid 70's now, but even in old age, she continues to hurt me. Will I be sad when she is gone, Yes, but will it give me a sense of freedom, Yes. Do I love her, sure she was my Mother, do I love her the way a daughter should love her Mother, NO!

This statement might make me seem bitter, or hateful, but after years of physical and emotional abuse, I feel I have a right to feel this way. The way she treated me has and will forever effect who I am.

I am sorry your Mother is sick, and I do hope you get a chance to enjoy her and make memories that will forever be with you.

hokie said:

This is my mother, too. She Catholic.. traditional in a way. But she doesn't judge people either. She loves taking care of people, and she is also a realist about life, so she's not a prude.

But she's Catholic!!!!! Make no mistake about it. For my mother it's a positives because she is everything good about being Catholic, I think.

Same with my father, too. He is just a good man.

MoniGram said:

I just want to say, I am sorry to hear about this.

I wish for you to find peace and comfort. Life is not fair. But you seem to have overcome obstacles, and are a stronger person for it.

CarrieMpls said:

That would be my mom too. I've had friends tell me that she is one of the nicest people they've ever met.

She's also not stuck in a time warp in terms of music, fashion and pop culture and looks much younger than her age.

I always crack up when she pulls into my driveway just blasting her Neyo or Kanye cd in her van.

She's very, very different from my dad.

MoniGram said:

Wow I'm sorry to hear that. Being abused by the very person who is responsible for ur ultimate health and well being is so messed up and shows parental abuse can affect anyone at anytime. Unfortunately sometimes the victim mistakenly thinks they bring it upon themselves by not acting right or by not living up to their expectations and therefore constantly seeking approval as this parent has taken away so much. U seem to have integrated the healing aspects of spiritual, physical, and emotional recovery into your adult life, and realised that a history of childhood abuse is not a life sentence. Much strength to you.

Better the devil U know then the devil U don't know.

MoniGram said:

my mother was a strict disciplinarian(foot on your neck w/belt whippins)-her father was the same.

My perception of her was that she didn't understand me-yet I always needed her approval as well. However, as she got older she has realized the error in her ways- she seems to be a different person- a lonely person and I feel sorry for her.

Evvy said:

I can only hope that my Mother will see the things she has done wrong before it's to late. She too is very lonely, but that is her own fault.

lascantas said:

Thank you, and life is not fair ,and we all have to deal with what is given to us. But I have learned from her mistakes in raising me, and with that knowledge didn't continue the pattern with my own kids.

PanthaGirl said:

Yes...I use to think the abuse was my fault. I am a child of adoption, and when I was younger she use to say..."I wish we never adopted you!" Being a child of adoption, those are horrible words to hear. Growing up, I was very jealous of my friends and the relationships they had with their Mothers.

JerseyKRS said:

I cried laughing re-watching her crazy-eyes God speech on our wedding video.



I love her to pieces, though. She called me the other day saying, "Is this my beautiful daughter-in-law?" and telling me she loves me and misses me. I lurves her crazy ass.

MoniGram said:

That is horrible, Moni. It's amazing you've grown up to be such a sweet person in spite of all of that.

MoniGram said:

me too. I would always wish that my parents, who ever it was i was with at the time, would leave me at a mall or something and then i would go home with some new wonderful parents

FunkMistress said:

Aww thank you

Cuddles said:

I use to wish I would find my birthmother and she would take me back. Funny, I did find her, and she wanted nothing to do with me. Someday I will find that Mother figure I long for.

But on that same note...I had an awesome Dad! He did his best to make up for the awful things my Mom did, but sadly he too was afraid of her wrath.

MoniGram said:

thats what i thought about my 'birthmother' too..but eventually i found her too little too late only a county away after i turned 18. she had her own problems, i suppose.

Evvy said:

My mom is gangsta!!!

She dresses to impress and has a personality to go with it. But if you piss her off she is the biggest most evil bitch in the world.
Her finger/toe nails are always perfect and her hair is never out of place.
But she can rock a pair of jeans, a tee, and converse just as HOT as a nice pair of slacks and bangin blouse and some 4 inch heels..

Yeah, she's bad!!!

My mom worked hard all her life putting others always before herself - she raised six kids and has endured the great depression, the loss of her father when she was 12, the loss of my father, my sister and five of her own siblings.

She always made time to help those who needed it - no matter who they were.

She's an incredibly strong lady, although, she's 75 now, frail physically and suffers from a chronic lung disease. She's really smart, sweet and kind and has a wicked sense of humor. She's also incredibly open minded and politically radical. Everyone who meets her falls in love with her and she's definately the matriarch of our family.

I love my momma!

MoniGram said:

that's terrible Moni, I'm so sorry

MoniGram said:

Blessings and hugs to you, my dear Moni.

Mine's female.

I had a very dysfunctional, pathetic alcoholic for a mother.
What I learned about parenting was what NOT to do.
Everyone said I would turn out either exactly like her, or exactly the opposite. I lucked out.

rnljs said:

I had a pathetic alcoholic for a father.

And I also grew up to be a semi-normal, adult. Gives hope to many kids going through this now.

rnljs said:

I am more like my mother than I wish to admit... she was abused and abandoned by her parents, she led a fucked up life full of abusive relationships one after the other... she put her children in harms way because of it. Many things she has done that was wrong she still denies or tries to justify. I feel sorry for her. I love her but will never trust her or respect her the way a daughter should love a mom. Through her I have learned what compassion truly is, by forgiveness and letting go of lots of shit she put me through. Now we can talk and laugh, but the scars still show. One day I hope to know of her past before she dies, so that I can help her to heal, and forgive her parents.

paintedlady said:

I feel the same way. I carried a lot of baggage until my mother's death in 2000. It was a turning point for me. I just had to accept that you cannot choose your parents, and you don't have to continue the cycle. My mother could never heal, and we couldn't fix her. It was what it was.

RenHoek said:

Yeah..I've got one of those too. My mom and don't speak unless it's necessary. I've never been able to understand her, I've had more of a child for a mother than any kind of role model. She had my very ill father sign a new will right before he died (I believe under duress) that left her everything. I caught her changing it two weeks before his death, and while she was out, I asked my father if he wanted his kids cut out of his will, and he said,"Absolutely NOT!".

After he passed, I asked my mother for some personal items of his, like his shooting medals (he used to run the shooting range at the San Jose PD). She went off about how I was only going to get what she gave me, lied to me about where they were (I had already found them) saying that he probably just threw them away, and that I had better not contest the will.

She's certifiably crazy and is the type to not be able to admit any wrongdoing, and will lie to get away with things. I would hate to say that I hate my own mother, but I guess I do.

MoniGram said:

Yeah, that.

I'd also like to add that my mother comes from a poor white trash background, from southern baptist country, and is constantly obsessed with Obama being the antichrist and illegal immigrants needing to get out of the country. She just DOES NOT stop. She makes me sick when she starts talking.

I'd like to also add that I wrote a letter to my father telling him how grateful I was for everything he did for me (he was the total polar opposite of her). She had to read it to him because he was so sick. She actually bitched at me afterward because "I loved my father more than I loved her" and tried to dispute certain things that I wrote.

In this phase of life I have a Mother with Alzheimers / Dementia who I take care of 5-6 days a week to give my Father the breaks he needs ...

veronikka said:

PaisleyPark5083 said:

Thanks hun