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PrintableSupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: keyiemo said: Just to give a long (crazy) update...I was only able to get online for a quick second yesterday before all hell broke loose. I received a phone call from the mother of the girl my daughter wanted to take to the prom. She said that her daughter had left home crying because they got into it about my daughter/prom. She wanted to know if her daughter was at my house. I went downstairs and omg, she was there with my daughter crying her eyes out. I told her mom I would bring her home and hung up the phone. I was trying to ask the girls what was going on and what happened and so forth. My daughter was crying by this time and I kept telling them to calm down and tell me what was going on. I could not calm them down and I felt so freaking helpless.....I guess I was taking too long because the mom showed up. She came in (didn't knock on my door just came in!)and started cursing out her daughter and telling her that she was not going to the prom with a girl dressed in a tux and telling her that she was crazy if she thought she was going to let her have a girlfriend.She said that they were not acting natural and God didn't make women to be together. She said they were both going to hell..She then started on me, saying people were not born with these feelings..that they learned them. She said that I was wrong for entertaining my daughter's whims. No matter how I really feel about the situation..I wasn't going to let her talk about my child or me in MY house. I ended up cursing her out and telling them to GET THE *UCK OUT OF MY *UCKING HOUSE WITH YOUR DUMB ASS!! They finally left with her telling my daughter to stay away from her child. It was so crazy. I actually at one point felt myself walking towards this lady to punch her in the face! I was SO mad! After they left, I made the mistake of telling my daughter this is the type of *hit I'd been telling her about. She started talking crazy talk saying she was moving out and her and the girl were going to live together and she was just spewing a whole bunch of nonsense. We were arguing and it was just really bad...I didn't sleep last night. I dozed off around 6am and got up around 1. Got online to check a few things and then decided to look on here to see what was new..... Anyway, that's what's going on in my crazy world..... One day you're actually going to look back on this and think wow, that entertaiment was cheaper than cable! 
Crazy times but your daughter is on the verge, if not already, in womanhood. She is your child and she will always be that to you but she is becoming herself and believe me, confronting this about ourselves is the hardest thing EVER. Straight people never have to actually question their own existence in the way that many of us are forced to do. I too came from a religous household and the religion aspect made things so much harder. I've been out for 21 years now, I'm happy, my family is happy and we're living and loving the best we can. This life is short, don't miss out on or lose your daughter because of something that is not in her control. If God didn't want us here, we would never have been born. I always feel that God chooses special people to raise gay kids. It aint easy for anyone but the alternative for gay kids can be horrifying. We support her, we support you. I wish you all the best and if you need to talk, just give a shout!  I can't wait for that day!!!!! | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: keyiemo said: Just to give a long (crazy) update...I was only able to get online for a quick second yesterday before all hell broke loose. I received a phone call from the mother of the girl my daughter wanted to take to the prom. She said that her daughter had left home crying because they got into it about my daughter/prom. She wanted to know if her daughter was at my house. I went downstairs and omg, she was there with my daughter crying her eyes out. I told her mom I would bring her home and hung up the phone. I was trying to ask the girls what was going on and what happened and so forth. My daughter was crying by this time and I kept telling them to calm down and tell me what was going on. I could not calm them down and I felt so freaking helpless.....I guess I was taking too long because the mom showed up. She came in (didn't knock on my door just came in!)and started cursing out her daughter and telling her that she was not going to the prom with a girl dressed in a tux and telling her that she was crazy if she thought she was going to let her have a girlfriend.She said that they were not acting natural and God didn't make women to be together. She said they were both going to hell..She then started on me, saying people were not born with these feelings..that they learned them. She said that I was wrong for entertaining my daughter's whims. No matter how I really feel about the situation..I wasn't going to let her talk about my child or me in MY house. I ended up cursing her out and telling them to GET THE *UCK OUT OF MY *UCKING HOUSE WITH YOUR DUMB ASS!! They finally left with her telling my daughter to stay away from her child. It was so crazy. I actually at one point felt myself walking towards this lady to punch her in the face! I was SO mad! After they left, I made the mistake of telling my daughter this is the type of *hit I'd been telling her about. She started talking crazy talk saying she was moving out and her and the girl were going to live together and she was just spewing a whole bunch of nonsense. We were arguing and it was just really bad...I didn't sleep last night. I dozed off around 6am and got up around 1. Got online to check a few things and then decided to look on here to see what was new..... Anyway, that's what's going on in my crazy world..... One day you're actually going to look back on this and think wow, that entertaiment was cheaper than cable!
Crazy times but your daughter is on the verge, if not already, in womanhood. She is your child and she will always be that to you but she is becoming herself and believe me, confronting this about ourselves is the hardest thing EVER. Straight people never have to actually question their own existence in the way that many of us are forced to do. I too came from a religous household and the religion aspect made things so much harder. I've been out for 21 years now, I'm happy, my family is happy and we're living and loving the best we can. This life is short, don't miss out on or lose your daughter because of something that is not in her control. If God didn't want us here, we would never have been born. I always feel that God chooses special people to raise gay kids. It aint easy for anyone but the alternative for gay kids can be horrifying. We support her, we support you. I wish you all the best and if you need to talk, just give a shout! I'll remember that!! | |
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keyiemo said: SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: One day you're actually going to look back on this and think wow, that entertaiment was cheaper than cable!
Crazy times but your daughter is on the verge, if not already, in womanhood. She is your child and she will always be that to you but she is becoming herself and believe me, confronting this about ourselves is the hardest thing EVER. Straight people never have to actually question their own existence in the way that many of us are forced to do. I too came from a religous household and the religion aspect made things so much harder. I've been out for 21 years now, I'm happy, my family is happy and we're living and loving the best we can. This life is short, don't miss out on or lose your daughter because of something that is not in her control. If God didn't want us here, we would never have been born. I always feel that God chooses special people to raise gay kids. It aint easy for anyone but the alternative for gay kids can be horrifying. We support her, we support you. I wish you all the best and if you need to talk, just give a shout! I can't wait for that day!!!!! Now that you're swimming upstream with this, it's hard to see so just concentrate on swimming. But when you get to that peaceful pond, don't forget how much you struggled to get there 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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I don't get the resistance to a tux. Like Genesia said, as long as it's fitted right, it looks fierce. I think the pant suit thing is kinda half assed. If she wants to do it, let her do it all out, top hat, cane, pimp it out! Just as long as she looks how she wants. Obviously, she has to rock it with confidence and feel comfortable. She'll know what she can get away with or not. Check with her and ask her "Are you sure about this? Because if you want to do it, let's do it all out!" She deserves to be fussed over the same every other girl at the prom will be, and she'll look to you for approval more than anyone else. Really try and be as positive and supportive as you can and forget the fretting about other fools. This could be an amazing opportunity to just show your daughter how much you have got her back. I think it's awesome that she came to you and asked about it. | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: keyiemo said: I can't wait for that day!!!!! Now that you're swimming upstream with this, it's hard to see so just concentrate on swimming. But when you get to that peaceful pond, don't forget how much you struggled to get there Awwww, thanks. | |
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Shit, since I started typing my original post and posting it, I see theres been a development. I really hope it all works out. | |
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mynameisnotsusan said: Shit, since I started typing my original post and posting it, I see theres been a development. I really hope it all works out.
I still think your advice is spot on, even with the new plot twists  2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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first off, adder...
and now keyiemo!!  holy crap.  literally!
deep breath. 
the important thing is always going to be your relationship with your daughter. keep communicating as much as you can. if you can tell her honestly, tell her you don't feel like the other chick's mom does. that you can accept her for who she is and that you love her no matter what. she is probably freaking out and scared that she will never be able to see that girl again. teenage love shouldn't be so dramatic! admit your mistakes, let her know you are trying but that it may take more than a few days for you to wrap your head around it. hell, tell her to read this thread so she knows your good intentions. the other mom isn't going to let her daughter do shit. but you want your daughter to run to your arms for consolation when that happens. they are months away from being out of the house. you want to make sure your daughter comes home again. i bet the other girl won't.  She couldn't stop crying 'cause she knew he was gone to stay | |
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emm said: teenage love shouldn't be so dramatic!
TEENAGE. Everyone forgets what it was like! I haven't. I remember clearly running screaming and crying to my room yelling everyone hates me 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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emm said: they are months away from being out of the house. you want to make sure your daughter comes home again. i bet the other girl won't.
And then what? It's totally not worth taking the chance. 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: emm said: teenage love shouldn't be so dramatic!
TEENAGE. Everyone forgets what it was like! I haven't. I remember clearly running screaming and crying to my room yelling everyone hates me no religious nut tried to invalidate me for who i was though. most drama i had was hunky farmboy mike wanted to drive me to school and my mother refused. i was so embarrassed - schoolbus met him on the road and i just had to wave as we drove by. i think my mother thought we might park and get busy or something. we totally wouldn't have! i was such a good girl.  She couldn't stop crying 'cause she knew he was gone to stay | |
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emm said: SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: TEENAGE. Everyone forgets what it was like! I haven't. I remember clearly running screaming and crying to my room yelling everyone hates me no religious nut tried to invalidate me for who i was though. most drama i had was hunky farmboy mike wanted to drive me to school and my mother refused. i was so embarrassed - schoolbus met him on the road and i just had to wave as we drove by. i think my mother thought we might park and get busy or something. we totally wouldn't have! i was such a good girl. That was over a game of parcheesi when I was convinced everyone was cheating
2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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keyiemo said: I guess I just don't want her to be hurt. Kids are cruel and I don't want her to have a memory of being taunted at her prom.
well you warned her, and this is part of growing up...learning how to deal with other people and their attitudes. maybe the kids won't be so cruel, hopefully the chaperons will keep everyone in check. but um...why does she want to wear a tuxedo?  | |
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keyiemo said: emm said: you're trippin'
the bulk of the discussion took place in the first two hours from the time the OP started the thread. she also responded 24 times to that discussion and repeatedly thanked (aka appreciated) people for their input! you come along a day later with your post and just because you didn't get a response you feel slighted?  for all we know the OP hasn't even been back to the org.  just sayin, adder.Just to give a long (crazy) update...I was only able to get online for a quick second yesterday before all hell broke loose. I received a phone call from the mother of the girl my daughter wanted to take to the prom. She said that her daughter had left home crying because they got into it about my daughter/prom. She wanted to know if her daughter was at my house. I went downstairs and omg, she was there with my daughter crying her eyes out. I told her mom I would bring her home and hung up the phone. I was trying to ask the girls what was going on and what happened and so forth. My daughter was crying by this time and I kept telling them to calm down and tell me what was going on. I could not calm them down and I felt so freaking helpless.....I guess I was taking too long because the mom showed up. She came in (didn't knock on my door just came in!)and started cursing out her daughter and telling her that she was not going to the prom with a girl dressed in a tux and telling her that she was crazy if she thought she was going to let her have a girlfriend.She said that they were not acting natural and God didn't make women to be together. She said they were both going to hell..She then started on me, saying people were not born with these feelings..that they learned them. She said that I was wrong for entertaining my daughter's whims. No matter how I really feel about the situation..I wasn't going to let her talk about my child or me in MY house. I ended up cursing her out and telling them to GET THE *UCK OUT OF MY *UCKING HOUSE WITH YOUR DUMB ASS!! They finally left with her telling my daughter to stay away from her child. It was so crazy. I actually at one point felt myself walking towards this lady to punch her in the face! I was SO mad! After they left, I made the mistake of telling my daughter this is the type of *hit I'd been telling her about. She started talking crazy talk saying she was moving out and her and the girl were going to live together and she was just spewing a whole bunch of nonsense. We were arguing and it was just really bad...I didn't sleep last night. I dozed off around 6am and got up around 1. Got online to check a few things and then decided to look on here to see what was new..... Anyway, that's what's going on in my crazy world.....  good for you.. that is YOUR child and your home and while that other mother was understandably upset she overstepped her bounds. I feel bad for your daughter and her girlfriend. They are teenagers and your daughter's reaction about wanting to move out and be with her GF is natural. They feel grown ups don't understand. You just have to be patient, but still firm cuz you dont want either of them doing anyting crazy and getting themselves into situations they can't handle. Just listen to her, them, and be there for them (the other girl could use some comfort since her mom is off the hook) but be honest and share your life experience.  | |
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DesireeNevermind said: keyiemo said: I guess I just don't want her to be hurt. Kids are cruel and I don't want her to have a memory of being taunted at her prom.
well you warned her, and this is part of growing up...learning how to deal with other people and their attitudes. maybe the kids won't be so cruel, hopefully the chaperons will keep everyone in check. but um...why does she want to wear a tuxedo? I would imagine because that's how she would feel comfortable expressing her sense of fashion. Not every girl has to like formal dresses, but more than that I would be concerned how other students will react to her wardrobe. I'm one of those who wants to err on the side of caution because kids can be cruel and not very accepting. If they live in a big metropolis, the tux could actually work. But I would be a bit intimidated in a smaller locale, where maybe the minds are not as open. In any event, I think she could rock a tux and be fabulous in it....as long as it fits properly. I do not advocate ill fitting clothes for a formal event on a male OR female  | |
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Genesia said: Vendetta1 said: they look amazing in those tuxes.
I think the whole key to making that work is to find a tux that fits well. (The women in the photos above had the luxury of having their custom made.) The curvier she is, the less likely it is she'll be able to wear an actual men's tuxedo. Does she (or one of her friends) sew? Or would she be open to adapting to a tuxedo-ish look if she can't find an actual tux? Agreed. It's a pity we're smack in the middle of getting ready for prom season, because I know the Euro chain stores H&M and Zara automatically do women's tuxes very Christmas season...they're called Smoking(s). The prices are reasonable and when the fit is correct, they look fantastic. Betcha she can find something like this online | |
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Ottensen said: DesireeNevermind said: well you warned her, and this is part of growing up...learning how to deal with other people and their attitudes. maybe the kids won't be so cruel, hopefully the chaperons will keep everyone in check. but um...why does she want to wear a tuxedo? I would imagine because that's how she would feel comfortable expressing her sense of fashion. Not every girl has to like formal dresses, but more than that I would be concerned how other students will react to her wardrobe. I'm one of those who wants to err on the side of caution because kids can be cruel and not very accepting. If they live in a big metropolis, the tux could actually work. But I would be a bit intimidated in a smaller locale, where maybe the minds are not as open. In any event, I think she could rock a tux and be fabulous in it....as long as it fits properly. I do not advocate ill fitting clothes for a formal event on a male OR female yeah i see. if its fitted right and flattering and not manish it might work. I had this vision of a girl trying to impersonate a guy when all her friends clearly knows shes a girl. kids today are much more open minded about same sex attraction but not about girls tryna be guys and vice versa. I think her showing up dressed like an all out dude would cause more rucus (sp) than her showing up with a girl for a date - depending on where they live of course. Gosh proms are like once in a lifetime. I would hate for her to mess up a fun time by fucking up her outfit. | |
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Ottensen said: DesireeNevermind said: well you warned her, and this is part of growing up...learning how to deal with other people and their attitudes. maybe the kids won't be so cruel, hopefully the chaperons will keep everyone in check. but um...why does she want to wear a tuxedo? I would imagine because that's how she would feel comfortable expressing her sense of fashion. Not every girl has to like formal dresses, but more than that I would be concerned how other students will react to her wardrobe. I'm one of those who wants to err on the side of caution because kids can be cruel and not very accepting. If they live in a big metropolis, the tux could actually work. But I would be a bit intimidated in a smaller locale, where maybe the minds are not as open. In any event, I think she could rock a tux and be fabulous in it....as long as it fits properly. I do not advocate ill fitting clothes for a formal event on a male OR female She does not like dresses or skirts. She wears jeans and polos, t-shirts or sweatshirts now. If we are going somewhere that requires dressy attire, she wears a pair of slacks. | |
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DesireeNevermind said: Ottensen said: [/b] I would imagine because that's how she would feel comfortable expressing her sense of fashion. Not every girl has to like formal dresses, but more than that I would be concerned how other students will react to her wardrobe. I'm one of those who wants to err on the side of caution because kids can be cruel and not very accepting. If they live in a big metropolis, the tux could actually work. But I would be a bit intimidated in a smaller locale, where maybe the minds are not as open. In any event, I think she could rock a tux and be fabulous in it....as long as it fits properly. I do not advocate ill fitting clothes for a formal event on a male OR female yeah i see. if its fitted right and flattering and not manish it might work. I had this vision of a girl trying to impersonate a guy when all her friends clearly knows shes a girl. kids today are much more open minded about same sex attraction but not about girls tryna be guys and vice versa. I think her showing up dressed like an all out dude would cause more rucus (sp) than her showing up with a girl for a date - depending on where they live of course. Gosh proms are like once in a lifetime. I would hate for her to mess up a fun time by fucking up her outfit. This is one of the reasons I didn't want her to wear a tux. | |
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keyiemo said: DesireeNevermind said: yeah i see. if its fitted right and flattering and not manish it might work. I had this vision of a girl trying to impersonate a guy when all her friends clearly knows shes a girl. kids today are much more open minded about same sex attraction but not about girls tryna be guys and vice versa. I think her showing up dressed like an all out dude would cause more rucus (sp) than her showing up with a girl for a date - depending on where they live of course. Gosh proms are like once in a lifetime. I would hate for her to mess up a fun time by fucking up her outfit. This is one of the reasons I didn't want her to wear a tux. Wow. I feel you. I hope ur not having to deal with this on your own. I hope her dad, grandparents, aunts/uncles whatever are providing you with some support. Its hard enuf being a parent these days yet alone having to do it by yourself. | |
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keyiemo said: DesireeNevermind said: yeah i see. if its fitted right and flattering and not manish it might work. I had this vision of a girl trying to impersonate a guy when all her friends clearly knows shes a girl. kids today are much more open minded about same sex attraction but not about girls tryna be guys and vice versa. I think her showing up dressed like an all out dude would cause more rucus (sp) than her showing up with a girl for a date - depending on where they live of course. Gosh proms are like once in a lifetime. I would hate for her to mess up a fun time by fucking up her outfit. This is one of the reasons I didn't want her to wear a tux. Can I be frank here? I doubt her wearing the tux would be the first time that anyone viewed her as a lesbian, as "trying to be like a guy" or as less than feminine. She probably already, and probably for a while, deals with that. If people are seeing her that way already, why not the tux? At that point people are trying to mold her to societies expectations and EVERYONE who is straight lives their lives for themselves the way they want to. Why shouldn't she? 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: keyiemo said: This is one of the reasons I didn't want her to wear a tux. Can I be frank here? I doubt her wearing the tux would be the first time that anyone viewed her as a lesbian, as "trying to be like a guy" or as less than feminine. She probably already, and probably for a while, deals with that. If people are seeing her that way already, why not the tux? At that point people are trying to mold her to societies expectations and EVERYONE who is straight lives their lives for themselves the way they want to. Why shouldn't she? Agreed. And yes, some lesbians don't like girly clothes. MyeternalgrattitudetoPhil&Val.Herman said "We want sweaty truckers at the truck stop! We want cigar puffing men that look like they wanna beat the living daylights out of us" Val"sporking is spooning with benefits" | |
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DesireeNevermind said: keyiemo said: This is one of the reasons I didn't want her to wear a tux. Wow. I feel you. I hope ur not having to deal with this on your own. I hope her dad, grandparents, aunts/uncles whatever are providing you with some support. Its hard enuf being a parent these days yet alone having to do it by yourself. My support is coming from all of you guys here. I tried to discuss it with my mom..no help there. Her dad said this is just a little phase she's going thru because of watching too much tv. He doesn't approve of the tux..but he's in Detroit and hasn't seen her for 4 years, soooo..... I have been dealing with it alone and I'm just really glad that I decided to start the thread to get other opinions, etc. Everyone here has been very supportive & helpful & I can't tell you how much it's helped.  | |
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keyiemo said: DesireeNevermind said: Wow. I feel you. I hope ur not having to deal with this on your own. I hope her dad, grandparents, aunts/uncles whatever are providing you with some support. Its hard enuf being a parent these days yet alone having to do it by yourself. My support is coming from all of you guys here. I tried to discuss it with my mom..no help there. Her dad said this is just a little phase she's going thru because of watching too much tv. He doesn't approve of the tux..but he's in Detroit and hasn't seen her for 4 years, soooo..... I have been dealing with it alone and I'm just really glad that I decided to start the thread to get other opinions, etc. Everyone here has been very supportive & helpful & I can't tell you how much it's helped.  | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: keyiemo said: This is one of the reasons I didn't want her to wear a tux. Can I be frank here? I doubt her wearing the tux would be the first time that anyone viewed her as a lesbian, as "trying to be like a guy" or as less than feminine. She probably already, and probably for a while, deals with that. If people are seeing her that way already, why not the tux? At that point people are trying to mold her to societies expectations and EVERYONE who is straight lives their lives for themselves the way they want to. Why shouldn't she? good point. btw..happy belated bday. | |
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Good for her for being strong enough to admit it in high school when people are so cruel.
But you shouldn't be one of the cruel ones telling her that she's doing something wrong. I can only imagine how hard it is to come out to your parents. [Edited 3/19/09 10:37am] My Legacy
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keyiemo said: DesireeNevermind said: Wow. I feel you. I hope ur not having to deal with this on your own. I hope her dad, grandparents, aunts/uncles whatever are providing you with some support. Its hard enuf being a parent these days yet alone having to do it by yourself. My support is coming from all of you guys here. I tried to discuss it with my mom..no help there. Her dad said this is just a little phase she's going thru because of watching too much tv. He doesn't approve of the tux..but he's in Detroit and hasn't seen her for 4 years, soooo..... I have been dealing with it alone and I'm just really glad that I decided to start the thread to get other opinions, etc. Everyone here has been very supportive & helpful & I can't tell you how much it's helped. 
TV
Sorry, had to laugh my ass off there. If TV was the cause EVERYONE in the country would be gay! 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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keyiemo said: SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: Can I be frank here? I doubt her wearing the tux would be the first time that anyone viewed her as a lesbian, as "trying to be like a guy" or as less than feminine. She probably already, and probably for a while, deals with that. If people are seeing her that way already, why not the tux? At that point people are trying to mold her to societies expectations and EVERYONE who is straight lives their lives for themselves the way they want to. Why shouldn't she? good point. btw..happy belated bday. Thank You! 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: keyiemo said: [/b]
My support is coming from all of you guys here. I tried to discuss it with my mom..no help there. Her dad said this is just a little phase she's going thru because of watching too much tv. He doesn't approve of the tux..but he's in Detroit and hasn't seen her for 4 years, soooo..... I have been dealing with it alone and I'm just really glad that I decided to start the thread to get other opinions, etc. Everyone here has been very supportive & helpful & I can't tell you how much it's helped.
TV
Sorry, had to laugh my ass off there. If TV was the cause EVERYONE in the country would be gay! Damn liberal media making us gay!My Legacy
http://prince.org/msg/8/192731 | |
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| hope things are not quite as heated around there.
how do you feel about her wanting to have a girlfriend? set all the other stuff aside for a moment. what are your fears? She couldn't stop crying 'cause she knew he was gone to stay | |
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