I think I'm going to really push the pants suit. Will a pants suit and top hat and cane look tacky??

I don't post often but I have an issue and wanted to get another opinion.
My daughter is a senior and has recently came to me and said that she likes girls. I admit that I wasn't too happy about it at first but I'm slowly coming to terms with it. The prom is coming up and she says that she wants to ask a girl and also wear a tuxedo. I've been very adamant and have told her that she will NOT wear a tuxedo and will NOT take a girl or she will not go. Needless to say things haven't been too happy around our house. She's very upset with me and keeps telling me that it's her prom and she should be able to wear what she wants. My question is this: What would you do if you were in the same situation?

[bait snip - CarrieMpls]

raveon2tnek said:

keyiemo said:

look what you started cin

you can suggest. you can show her styles. but ultimately you know she's going to wear what she wants she might think it's perfect or she might want the top hat and cane

It's MY prom and I'll wear what I want to

PANDURITO said:

shut up Pandurito, ykno that really doesn't fucking help.

PANDURITO said:

shut up Pandurito, ykno that really doesn't fucking help.

It's MY prom and I'll wear what I want to

wear what I want to

wear what I want to

keyiemo said:

look what you started cin

you can suggest. you can show her styles. but ultimately you know she's going to wear what she wants she might think it's perfect or she might want the top hat and cane

This one?

i'm just skimming the thread so sorry if this has already been said, but if she's come to you asking about it chances are the kids at her prom will already know about her & her girlfriend, so they most likely won't really care when she shows up with her.

i'm just skimming the thread so sorry if this has already been said, but if she's come to you asking about it chances are the kids at her prom will already know about her & her girlfriend, so they most likely won't really care when she shows up with her.

evenstar3 said:

That's what I was basically thinking...It may be a big deal to mom, but chances are the daughter and her girlfriend have already discussed their plans with friends etc..

thekidsgirl said:

I never even thought of this

Cinnie said:

neither did i.....

I don't post often but I have an issue and wanted to get another opinion.
My daughter is a senior and has recently came to me and said that she likes girls. I admit that I wasn't too happy about it at first but I'm slowly coming to terms with it. The prom is coming up and she says that she wants to ask a girl and also wear a tuxedo. I've been very adamant and have told her that she will NOT wear a tuxedo and will NOT take a girl or she will not go. Needless to say things haven't been too happy around our house. She's very upset with me and keeps telling me that it's her prom and she should be able to wear what she wants. My question is this: What would you do if you were in the same situation?

keyiemo, I have a lot of respect for your place in this. It can't be easy.

But I think the advice you've gotten here so far is pretty smart. You could forbid her to go in tux and with a girl. But she either will frontally disobey you, or resent you perhaps for years to come. Possibly both. And while to you this all may seem a simple refusal to let her embarrass herself at a single event, one's got to wonder (and I'm certain your daughter does) to what extent this is an articulation that you are embarrassed by who she is. At worst, respect this moment in her life (she's reached the cusp of adulthood) and allow her to go, but tell her she'll pay for her own attire as you personally feel it's inappropriate.

As to the overall issue of her orientation, this will likely take time for you. Pray, speak to others, don't feel rushed. But in the meantime, whatever your position, your daughter has to learn how to navigate her own identity. Where she's not doing harm to herself, I'd side on allowing her to do so, even as you remain clear with her on where you are in this process.

...As an aside, I graduated in 1990, and we had a Lesbian couple, one half of whom wore a tux with a top hat. She looked awesome! And of course some people had crappy things to say. Someone always does. But the overall reception was one of not only support, but respect -- even from naysayers -- for their audacity in simply being who they were.
[Edited 3/15/09 14:33pm]

keyiemo, I have a lot of respect for your place in this. It can't be easy.

But I think the advice you've gotten here so far is pretty smart. You could forbid her to go in tux and with a girl. But she either will frontally disobey you, or resent you perhaps for years to come. Possibly both. And while to you this all may seem a simple refusal to let her embarrass herself at a single event, one's got to wonder (and I'm certain your daughter does) to what extent this is an articulation that you are embarrassed by who she is. At worst, respect this moment in her life (she's reached the cusp of adulthood) and allow her to go, but tell her she'll pay for her own attire as you personally feel it's inappropriate.

As to the overall issue of her orientation, this will likely take time for you. Pray, speak to others, don't feel rushed. But in the meantime, whatever your position, your daughter has to learn how to navigate her own identity. Where she's not doing harm to herself, I'd side on allowing her to do so, even as you remain clear with her on where you are in this process.

...As an aside, I graduated in 1990, and we had a Lesbian couple, one half of whom wore a tux with a top hat. She looked awesome! And of course some people had crappy things to say. Someone always does. But the overall reception was one of not only support, but respect -- even from naysayers -- for their audacity in simply being who they were.
[Edited 3/15/09 14:33pm]

Lammastide said:

Can we make love down by the fire, Lamma?

Vendetta1 said:

I don't think Bill would appreciate that.

I don't know about TUX because that is definitely designed for men to wear

they look amazing in those tuxes.

shanti0608 said:

I didn't go at all!