No jokes either, the Double D's are still there!

I have been in this pensive mood lately. My best friend back at home called me Monday, her boyfriend was found dead in his condo. They suspect foul play. It was been FUCKING with me all week. I'm not really sad, but rather out of sorts about it. It makes me feel awful to see her like this.

Then I'm torn. I moved to ATL to be with cupcake and things are GREAT...a little for me and REALLY great for him. I like it here. But I LOVE NC. I am also getting face to face with the master of all things responsible for my life...

myself.


Was I REALLY that unhappy at my job that I HAD to walk away three years ago? I am missing the old me. I'm loud, goofy, great with folks, and I think the last few jobs leave me feeling stifled. Yet I got so burned out from the one I walked away from three years ago. I got paid to play music, mess with people, and make hellified commercials (yo, my audio production skills are off the chain).

I am out of sorts. Is this what figuring shit out feels like?

And damn, I am so sad for my friend. It pains me to hear her on the phone.


So let's see if anyone responds. My threads usually get no where here....

I wrote a fricking book. Did anyone bother to read it? I mean long winded people and their shit...

I read the whole thing

Deepest sympathy to your friend for her loss


I would agree that often times figuring things out can set one outta sorts - for sure



NC rocks - though so does ATL

Mach said:

I thought I was being so long winded

I love NC. GA is wonderful, a little deeper south for me though. But a beautiful home, and stability and safety outweigh NC right now.

I guess the catalyst of it all was his death. Things ending may have just pushed me to re-visit my life again.

...sucks... all of it. Except for cupcake, he is wonderful.

Thanks Mach, you are the truth

KatSkrizzle said:

Death of a person somewhat removed from us, where we dont go all into the over emotion of the process, will most definitly make us look at our lives - as it should ! As do other life events ending - moves and so on. So yup - your right in the flow and feeling outta sorts would be normal

I understand your ponderings and your pain. Hang in there.

I know it's cliched as hell, but go with your heart. Everything else will work itself out.

venting is good. talking out loud so to speak.
what can you do when someone dies before their time? just be her sounding board too.

and be thankful and hang on tight to your guy

I'm pretty bad at the "Life 101" thingy, so I just wanted to at least offer you this



...and keep venting, holding in sad or confused emotion is denergizing and debilitating. Your Org peeps are all here to lend an ear

Lots of love and support to you.

Ottensen said:

Thanks, I feel better now that I wrote a book here.

You guys are da bomb

shanti0608 said:

You are so wonderful!

emm said:

He is wonderful. I think I had to come here and be uncomfortable so that I could be "told myself about myself".

Thanks for the support

emm said:

Oh yeah, and I donate blood...read your signature.

ThreadBare said:

Thanks for the support. It means a lot.

KatSkrizzle said:

let's get back into radio and change the game up

IAintTheOne said:

You are wonderful! I am actually setting up the office in the house for audio production as well. I'd rather not get back into radio but do some audio production from home to make some money here and there. Radio business as a whole is really bad and I'd rather not deal with politics (that's what burned me out in the first place)

I already have a client before I even have the office set up! Yeah, it's a sign. I really just need a creative outlet and have not had that in years.

It's time.

KatSkrizzle said:

I know i've done it if i lived closer we'd be runnin that shit

I've been feeling restless lately as well. A kind of "is this really all there is?" kind of feeling. Maybe it's a midlife crisis.

I was sitting in a meeting at work the other day and while looking at powerpoint slides and spreadsheets and blah blah blah I was struck rather hard that that's just NOT how I want to spend my time. And so much of it, too.
I like my job OK, and I like the people I work with, no doubt. But man, there's gotta be something else. It's just not me. It never has been.

So yeah, I get what you're feeling.

The org is a great place to come and vent, always makes me feel better. Sometimes there is a lot of magic in the times when we don't have everything figured out. There's a lot of energy brewing. The swirl of confusion can be one of our most authentic moments. My life is currently in a major transition, and I'm feeling more growth and openings than I have in a long, long time. Along with the loss and searching and instability. But that's okay too.

CarrieMpls said:

I think that happened at 29 for me. I was freaking out about turning 30 and was still where I was.

Now....I guess I am faced with my unneccessary antsy-ness.

Carrie, you are a serious travel junkie. Have you thought of working around that field?

heartbeatocean said:

the org may be everyone's "public journal" We sort stuff out here.

I'm sorry about your friend's boyfriend.

I went through my "quarter-life crisis" several years ago. I was living in Chicago and hated pretty much everything about my life. So I applied to grad school, got accepted, and moved to NYC. Grad school was great, but the past 3 years (especially 2008) were really tough. But I finally feel like things are going my way. Here is a little saying that I repeat to myself when I get down, "Be patient towards all that is unsolved in your heart." That and perserverance, things will get better.



And March Madness starts next week! Brackets!!

Don't despair Kat, some of my threads don't get much patronage either. In my case I'm blaming age discrimination,

It sounds like you're at a crossroads in life. I'm sure that with thoughtful meditation you will come to the decision that's best for you.

Best wishes to you and condolences to your friend.

DevotedPuppy said:

yup! Ready for the Tar Heels once again!

I think the dark place has brought you to a good place!

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

Hi Renzie

I've been searching for some contentment with employment for YEARS and have yet to find it.

IAintTheOne said:

Hello love!

Hey, gorgeous! You've always been cool with me. You're an awesome lady! I remember that one verbose non-contingent rambling rant I went on and you responded. You read it out and didn't think I was bullshitting! For that, I commend you. I realize I can be a bitch to handle, but if you can tolerate me, the payoff is sweet because I don't mind reciprocating. And as far as your situation goes, don't worry. It will all work out for you. You'd seem like a really cool person to talk to. I'm not just saying that either. I really mean it. Stay in there, for me. Don't lose it. You've got something. Do whatever feels right.

KatSkrizzle said:

Girl, you are going through what is known as sifting season


It's the idea that when you have a wheat grain, you can only have it sifted when it's properly developed. It can't be done before it's proper time,and it can't be done unless the person who owns the land deems it so...

...does that make any sense?