So I have a question for the org. I recently have gotten reacquainted with a family member that I was close to at one point. This family member knows all about me, my sexuality, and knows to some extent about my friends. She also knows my political persuasion and all that, and I know hers - we're opposite on some political/life views - no problem there, really.

Where the issue arises is in certain things about her mindset. For example, she's coming to an event I invited her to, but had to say to me that she didn't want anyone to hit on her or her husband, and she doesn't care to see PDAs from people gay or straight. Also when it comes to learning a foreign language her work wants her to learn, she balks at it and says, "I'm not learning Spanish. Let them learn English if they want to come live here."

There's others, but in so many words, I get the feeling she wants the world to suit her, but she's not willing to bend to her surroundings when it comes time. I know if I'm going to have her in my life on a regular basis, I need to make sure she knows that I expect her to be open-minded and sensitive. How do I do this? Your thoughts org.

as long as it isn't painful i guess.....I woul dhave issues cuase its hard for me to trust people who say they have a "plan" for me....been there, the plan spreadonformonths


i love the lord, he hears my cries.....

Do you remember why you distanced yourself from her in the first place?
You dont need unnecessary drama in your life.....

just be you and give her the opportunity to grow... let her make or break herself. don't own it.

eaglebear4839 said:

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

nicely put!

RenHoek said:

Indeed. I came to that realization, albeit in different words. I didn't distance myself from her, though, we just drifted apart after my parents passed away. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I am not going to take responsibility for her feelings or insecurities. If something like that should happen, it's not up to me to say anything.

But part of it is also that I want to find a way to tell her that when she talks about certain issues, she sounds just like the same family members she has distanced herself from. My family has people in it who, for example, think they should be able to smoke wherever they please, even if it's in a house where no one smokes - they should still have to put out an ash tray and all that - that kind of mentality is what I hear coming from her, and I want to tell her politely that she won't be on her turf tomorrow. (I'm thinking about asking one of the men there to plant a big kiss square on my lips just to mess with her.)

whatever....i need a vacation.

Just surfing....had to respond. Are you in her will? I know you're family and all but validating her narrowminded and down right racist attitude does nothing for her to work towards on being a better human being. Don't put yourself or your guests which has the potential of being an uncomfortable if not distasteful andmaybe a possible horrible evening.

Head up UR STAR

Prince's Sarah

"don't own it" is the best advice you're gonna get on this.

if i were in your shoes, if your sister is complaining about the spanish language stuff, i'd just say something like "well, some people have a different opinion on it, and i guess unfortunately for you, you're working for them."

as for the PDA complaint, i'd just remind her that you're not the overlord of people within eyeshot of her, and they could do any number of unexpected things which have absolutely nothing to do with you wanting or not wanting it to happen. so what she sees and doesn't like is for her to process, not for you to protect her from. and if that's too much for her to handle, she probably shouldn't be going.

it's all about being stand-off-ish. she wants to pass her stinky hot potato to you, but don't even put on the catcher's mitt.

i could really be telling the same story and just he change the cast and crew... smh....


i have a large, beautiful, crazy family.....my family adopted my ex-husband and introduced him to some gay friends, while we were still married!


.


he still cries to me about that cause he was never able to talk about it cause they swore him to secrecy as if i wasn't born into that ridiculous bullshyt

Give me her # I'll set her straight

you got 10 minutes dude. ...