How long do you put up with it? I'm talking about good friends that you want to see flourish BUT they keep making the same mistakes again & again, & then bitching in your ear about it & they don't see the cycle themselves, or they're reluctant to change anything to get out of the cycle. & there you are again - same story, same drama, taking up your time with it

I love my friends, but 2 of them have been stuck in different ruts for quite a while now. I've been stuck in my own rut forever so I know the feeling, but I try not to torture everyone else with it. So how long do I lend my ear to this shit but still be a friend? I've tried to help pull them out, I always listen even when I don't want to, but I'm getting sick of the same 2 problems for YEARS now.

Maybe I'd be a better friend if I expressed my frustration

My list of so called friends gets shorter and shorter every year. Don't take it. My father told me once that all you need are one to two good friends, the rest are just acquaintances.

Weed 'em out.

GetAwayFromMe said:

I agree!

shanti0608 said:

Me 3!!

My true best friends (besides my husband and kids) are my 2 sisters and my 4 nieces.

What are friends?


Nah what they said, alot of people who you think are your friends turn out to be dicks.....hard lesson but once you have those you can trust your life too it is a wonderful feeling

PaisleyPark5083 said:

Quality over Quantity

CalhounSq said:

tell them how you feel, that you cannot blindly support them in their mistakes and be there for them like a real friend should,



then




WEED THEM OUT


no seriously let them know and then go, they will probably come back eventually and tell you you were right. Even if they don't you will be happy for the peace.

If they're doing the same shit time after time, sometimes they need tough love from you. I have a friend that keeps letting her asshole of a boyfriend treat her like shit. I wanna shake the hell outta of her sometimes just hearing the BS. After a while, you get tired of it any don't want to hear it anymore. It's frustrating.

tell them how you really feel about their situations but also continue to be there for them. my friends have had to listen to me bitch about a few things i should have changed a couple years ago but am just now changing and yeah we'd get mad at each other but we're still friends and i think in the long run it's made it a better relationship cause of the level of honesty

Yea, I can't just drop them - they're annoying but they ARE my friends, I care about them I think I just have to buck up & be honest, which a lot of people really don't wanna hear. But I can't continue to swallow my feelings & listen incessantly either.

CalhounSq said:

That is so true - people just don't want to hear the truth.

CalhounSq said:

It took me 18 years. Haven't talked in 2 years and I'm fine with never speaking to her if she is going to continue with her entitlement mentality. I guess the answer is 18 years

butterfli25 said:

I am the last one to give advice on this subject as much as I'd like to say something that may help.

I don't have a lot of friends. I don't like to deal with the bullshit that goes along with most people. I also tend to tell it as I see it and that usually does not go over well.

Believe it or not, I've actually opened up MORE with people IRL since I've been on the .org. My mind and heart have opened up a bit and I come from (what I really REALLY pray) is a less judgemental place, but that's me.

I would say CalhounSq, that you need to decide if you want to tell them how you really feel about their situations and choices, if not, and you are drained from dealing with them, limit or cut off your time with them.

CalhounSq said:

As a person who was stuck in a rut, I understand your frustration.

I'll orgnote you.

ehuffnsd said:

You are awesome.

GetAwayFromMe said:

i agree! i have 2 or 3 close friends that i trust and that's it.

Tell me about it, first of all Ross wants Rachel and then he gets Rachel but loses her and then gets her again but only after Joey...wtf?

And then Chandler is banging Monica...Friends and their bullshit...whatcha goin to do?

GetAwayFromMe said:

Exactly

Unless these people are screwing up your life, I see no reason to weed them out just because they're screwing up their own. Rather, to the extent you care about them and are willing to invest the energy, stick around to support them in being better people. And BY ALL MEANS call them on their sh*t from time to time -- otherwise, you're not being a particularly good friend; you're just being an enabler... and a sadomasochist.
[Edited 3/2/09 19:19pm]

Lammastide said:

CalhounSq said:

yeah, you know... i have a friend whose life is REALLY screwed up, and he never makes the right choices. and then after helping him out the best i could last week in probably the MOST intense and scary situation i've (and he's) ever been in, he decided that we shouldn't hang out or be friends anymore. i think it's mostly because he feels guilty or ashamed that he's such a screw-up.

it was almost a relief when he told me we shouldn't hang out anymore. my life would be a little more peaceful, i'd save a lot of money and mental and emotional anguish. but he texted me tonight, as i knew he would, after a few days. i have to decide if i want to get involved again. i love the kid, but he needs to help himself sometimes. i'm the Dina to his Lindsey Lohan a lot of the time.

i should probably remove myself from the situation. or at least take some steps back.

Vendetta1 said:

Any good ruts lately?

Lammastide said:

My life took a turn for the better today. I got the help I needed for my son and I'm planning my trip to Europe next month. Thank God!!!

Vendetta1 said:

I used to be impatient with this but sometimes your friends just needs someone to listen to them. Listen when you have the time but be honest about how you feel and what you think about whatever they are going through and why they still are.

Vendetta1 said:

Vendetta1 said:

Lammastide said:

The people who are still my friends now that I am on the other side are saints to me. I could never repay their kindness.

Vendetta1 said:

have fun

ehuffnsd said:

Thanks Eric.