Lammastide said:

very true...

Lammastide said:

co-sign!

my 2c - i think everyone knows people who do this. i have a good friend who, for years, has been telling me about how dysfunctional her marriage is. every four months, like clockwork, i get to 'be there' for her and listen while she tells me the same things i heard last time.

BUT i don't 'weed her out' because i think that in life people all grapple with problems, and sometimes we/they just need someone to listen to them.

i might say ' you know, i've heard you say that before' but i try to listen

A lot of people are telling you to keep these drama queens around. I'm telling you that you don't need the stress or aggravation.

Some people will suck the life out of you if you let them. If that's what you call a friend, then okey doke.

I guess it depends on your limits and your definition of a friend.

Obviously, we all have different limits and reasons for being friends.

CalhounSq said:

Exactly

Set new healthy boundries - nothing wrong with a bit of tough love

If you love them as friends you don't have to weed them out - treat them how you would like to be treated in their situation. Honesty and firmness can even make friendship grow into deeper meaningful relations. A good friend has the right to tell you they do not wish to hear you bitch about something you choose not to change - again, HEALTHY BOUNDRIES - we all need them so create them !

Best wishes

Lammastide said:

Well said, Lamm. And that will weed out simple & lazy persons, I think, who won't do better for themselves then whine to you about it.

My friends say that I'm mean, but they love me. lol.

Cal

Vendetta1 said:

Very thankful for you

My short list of friends know what they get from me because they're my friends. The blunt, honest and sometimes brutal TRUTH. They in turn, give it back to me when I need to hear it. That's what friends are for...

Slave2daGroove said:

I appreciate the fact I can admit to you I'm crazy and you won't argue with me

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I love you Richard! Crazy, happy, sad, or otherwise...

CalhounSq said:

Girl, i've been there, and I have to tell you, you will just have to keep your distance from these two friends you are speaking of at least until you can deal with their repetitve nonsense. Nothing pisses me off more than hearing somebody bitch and moan about things that they can and can't control, but if they are doing something about it, then their yapping will be like nails going down a chalkboard. Some people just love to hear themselves talk. If either of them calls you again with that B.S. just say you are busy and that you will call them back on your time. This is the main reason why I end up recycling friends each year. Some of them you just have to let fall by the wayside in order to keep your own sanity. Some of them you just need to keep your distance for a while and then deal with them whenever.

CalhounSq said:

That's what I used to think, but it really depends on the person. Several years back, I lost a friend of over 10 years because, like you, I'd just had it. This was a woman who made horrible choices in men because she was attracted to a "particular type". Nevermind that there almost always warning signs that these dudes were assholes and to be avoided. She'd always ignore them and proceed anyway because of her preference.

Inevitably, she'd get dogged in someway or another and it was always me and another one of our friends who'd have to bail her out. Like the time she got into an argument with one of the guys and he put her out on the side of the road at 3am. Oh, and did I mention it was her car? It was me who picked her up and watched her go right back to him the next day. Or the other guy she was dating who after his second time spending the night, $300 mysteriously disappears from her bedroom. Me and another friend ended up giving it back to her. And of course she accepts that the dude didn't take it when he says he didn't, despite the fact that they were the only ones in her apartment. The list goes on and on. I mean, this is stuff that's been going on with her for years.

Finally, one day she's crying to me about yet another guy treating her like crap and I told her that I couldn't understand what she was crying about and that I thought she must like being dogged because she goes after the same dude over and over again knowing what the outcome will be. She acts like I've just said the worst thing in the world to her and decides that she's so offended and hurt by what I said that she won't speak to me again until I apologize.

I refused. I couldn't believe that she could get that angry at me, a person who's been there for her time and time again, for telling her the truth. Yet she'd forgive these virtual strangers who dog her at every turn.

I had to let it go. Be prepared for that if you decide to be truthful. Not everyone will respond positively.

violator said:

I have to agree with you 100% Not everybody can handle the truth, especially the ones who want to try and call you out on your shit, but can't handle it when you do it to them.

Some folks like drama in thier life and want to drag you into. I don't have the time, energy or patience for it anymore when it is a situation YOU can control.

See there is a difference when LIFE happens to you than someone who keeps putting themselves in a bad situation. It is hard enough to get up everyday to live to to the right things without any extra thrown in.

I have just a handful of true friends and they are worth their weight in gold!! They are not afraid to be honest with me and I treat them in the same manner. The truth hurts sometimes but if we can grow from it then the pain is worth it.

ivy I am so glad you have some peace and happiness in your life at last now go to the next level in all that you want to achieve, the sky is the limit you are truely a diamond in the rough.

Lammastide said:

Agree.

Mach said:

Thank you Rachel!!! I am just glad for the friends that stuck with me through it. I can't stop laughing and smiling.