I don't know what's wrong with me. I guess I could be considered middle age and I have never been more boy crazy. I think I'm a very late bloomer.

So what's going on? Guy asks me out. We have a fantastic talk. He doesn't ask me out again. Every time he sees me, he doesn't say hello, but PERFORMS. Acts all silly.

Is this a distancing technique?

Boys need more than fantastic talk. We're pigs.

johnart said:

Well, given the opportunity, he probably wouldn't be too disappointed. I mean, all we did was go out to lunch.

People who "disappear" like that really aren't worth your ponderance.

ThreadBare said:

you are so right!

heartbeatocean said:

heartbeatocean said:

Was it clearly a "date" lunch? If a guy goes on a date knowingly, then he's probably up for "giving the opportunity".

Excluding certain circumstances, if he just disappeared or is continually making himself unabvailable, he's not worth your time tho.

ThreadBare said:

there you have it

johnart said:

I guess not. I really can't say what was what anymore. He seemed to pursue my friendship for many months, then asked me out. We seemed to have an intimate (conversational) exchange and a lot to talk about.

ThreadBare said:

Easy come, easy go. Out of all the millions of men out there to meet don't worry about the one that has taken off. Afterall, it's just a guy.

PanthaGirl said:

yet there's that compulsion to chase the irretrievable...



for some reason, that emoticon seems appropriate

heartbeatocean said:

Just curious.

Why would U wanna waste ur time on somebody that won't dedicate some time to U?

PanthaGirl said:

The illusion of love feels better than no love. See, I can psychoanalyze myself. It's an old habit of mine, one that I thought I had outgrown years ago. I recently experienced a breakup of a long term relationship, so my bearings are not so steady these days.

heartbeatocean said:

That's fair enough U do what U must to heal. Hope U do stabilise soon enough. Good luck out there lovely

PanthaGirl said:

thank you!

PanthaGirl said:

Because it's fun...?

JustErin said:

There's truth to that. A sublime pleasure can be had from the challenge of it. Along with a whole lot of suffering.

JustErin said:

Perhaps fun for U, to each their own really.

For myself I find there is no challenge in such a situation and chasing someone that has no interest is an indication of a low self esteem and a wide glimpse of how low standards can fall.

PanthaGirl said:

I agree with this. The fun wears off real quick once the pattern becomes clear. However, in these situations, for me at least, it hard for me to know that "someone has no interest" when they have been pursuing my friendship for months, and got to the point of asking me out and it's obvious we have a connection of some sort by the nature of the conversation. This is not the same as a junior high crush where you fall in love with the most popular football player in the yearbook.

PanthaGirl said:

It depends. I feel much the same as you, in that I don't believe in wasting a lot of time on people who show no interest. But some people are persistent and believe me, I've seen that persistence pay off for some. But you have to know when to say when. Specifically, if chasing that person requires that you're constantly getting dogged in the process.

violator said:

I hear yah mate.

Still persistence to the point where that person has been stalked or persuaded into noticing another seems quite desperate and it's not genuine, nor pure. I would rather someone like/notice me out of their own interest, and not forcefully instilled. Kinda humiliating.

PanthaGirl said:

Wtf?

Who said anything about stalking? And I don't see it as being a low self esteem indicator or it having anything to do with lowering standards at all.

PanthaGirl said:

my wife had no interest in me when we first met...

in fact, she said she'd never have anything to do with me...

yeah, she's had a couple of my babies since then...

heartbeatocean said:

it's our hormones i think i'm right there with ya

PanthaGirl said:

... unless the activity that suggested interest to hbo at first fell in line with what could be her very high standards. When a person has extremely high standards, their interest can be drawn pretty quickly by a person who seems "special." The ensuing emotional activity concerning that person might seem like desperation or low standards to an onlooker, but could be quite the opposite.

PanthaGirl said:

Thankfully, it hasn't gotten to that point.

emm said:

JustErin said:

I'm just curious, what do you see it as?

ThreadBare said:

I just wanna give you a big hug!

I got pretty excited... Now he's the one who is dropping according to my standards. bummer

thankfully I felt the crush wearing off today... phew!

heartbeatocean said:

Threadbare summed it up perfectly.