amorbella said:

You can do it, AB!

stop going all Nancy Reagan on us Ace!

JerseyKRS said:

Ace said:

Oh, but the poison tastes sooooo good.

Ace said:

I have chilled out on him. I've gone for months without listening to him and I'm fine, but I still find myself on a message board or thinking about how hot he used to be or watching other artists and being reminded of him all the time even when I didn't want it. Nothing wrong with noticing those, but I let it get to me and get so mad that he fucked up shit for himself, and I think some of the reasons I act this way is because those days of being younger are behind me. Also, I'm a musician and though I'm inspired by lots of artists, mj is my biggest inspiration and I can't sing or dance without trying to emulate him though I'm not an impersonator either. Well, I saw him as a style icon for a few years when I was younger just a bit, but that's about it. And wherever I go, or if I turn on the tv after days and days, there just happens to be an mj reference when I'm in the room, almost like I'm attracting it. It's really weird and bizzare and I feel singled out for it happening to me.

Though I love him and have every album, I also hate him for making me feel this way. Sometimes if I act goofy or shy, I find myself comparing myself to him, but now I've realized that I've been insulting and bashing myself as a result of low self esteem and it's easier for my mind to project on someone not in my life than to address it. I realized a few months ago that each time I do this, it means I'm afraid to experience my own emotions and using the obsession as a cover. And even if I act like an asshole about him, if anyone brings up the allegations stuff, I feel like I've been punched in the stomach though at the same time, I think he's a moron for doing the interview and I don't defend him at all anymore.
[Edited 2/17/09 15:31pm]

I can't seem to give up soda pop, Mountain Dew being my favorite. I don't know why it's so hard. Boredom triggers it, big time. If I have to go into a long meeting without my Mountain Dew, I feel like I"m going to freak out. Certain foods make me crave Mountain Dew as well. I know that I would lose a lot of weight just by finally kicking this devil but it still isn't worth it to me. And I don't know why.

NDRU said:

That's probably because you distorted your own view, dude! Weed is a natural herb. Not something you usually get addicted to. If that was the case for you, then you need to smack that weedman! With his bitch ass! By the way, you got some leftover hempstead?

okay I'm really not making fun of anyone, but this is similar to the person songwriting minus the hemp. I also found that being into mj helped bring out my singing, songwriting, dancing in general. When I did stuff, my mindset changed for those few minutes and I was mentally telling myself I AM michael jackson or better than him for those few minutes, like getting high off a muse and giving whatever I do my best shot. If I'm not into him, I don't feel inspired to be into music, no matter how long I haven't listened to him in and listen to tons of others too.
[Edited 2/17/09 15:42pm]
[Edited 2/17/09 15:42pm]

Ace said:

No way is it easier. You can't just give up eating.

alphastreet said:

That's awesome! Great for motivation! Fuck the jellers, son!

^ read the rest of my post, I added to it.

I know it sounds retarded, but I believe it was an addiction. I have never been addicted to drugs or smoking though I have tried it for experimental purposes as a teen, but this is what I face instead.

I had my fourth year anniversary of being cigarette free last month. I rarely think about it anymore - thoughts do well up every now and then, of course, but it's nothing that tortures me: it's just a vague, distant yearning that I can sweep under the carpet without too much fuss.

Predictably, I turned into a totally fat sack of shit after I quit, but I just had the first anniversary of going to the gym, and I've managed to trim myself down in that time by about 40 lbs.

CarrieMpls said:

Same here If only I was addicted to exercising too!

Food's my addiction and yes, I feel like a pathetic douchebag for not being able to overcome it.

I used to be addicted to eating ice cubes too back in my early high school days. It started with one, but I made myself being capable of eating 60 cubes a day and couldn't stop without feeling incomplete or craving it. One day my dad yelled at me and threw out the trays after 3 years of being a nutcase with it, and since then I cut down slowly and now I can't even eat one without getting sensitive gums.

alphastreet said:

I don't know, dude. As long as it isn't fatal and it doesn't harm your body or mind and you feel good when doing, it can't be a drug. That's the point I'm trying to get across, here. Furthermore, there are a LOT of individuals out there in the world that just have obsessive personalities. So, in a sense, maybe ANYTHING can be addictive. But fatally? I don't know. Depends on just how carnal your desires are.

Say you're into committing oneself and engaging in scandalous acts of debauchery and....you know, literally can't get enough of it. Well, sooner or later, because you TOTALLY disregard that your body is your temple, there are going to be some natural consequences and repercussions (Don't even ask me why, man! That is just the way of the world. I'm saying this knowing full well that people were fucking up in a storm in the 1960's and way before that until Sexually-Transmitted Diseases became an epidemic of massively impudent proportions. Totally gaffe-tastic!). Anyway, alls I'm saying is, it depends on just WHAT it is you're addicted to and how cavalier you are about the byproducts, no matter how severe.
[Edited 2/17/09 15:54pm]
[Edited 2/17/09 15:56pm]

I'm having my poison now Ace.

JuliePurplehead said:

I'm so with you Julie! I mostly want to give it up, but I think there is a part of me that really doesn't and I'm sure that this is the reason why I can't give it up.

hokie said:

I must have soda! But only diet which is supposed to be worse

Mysterioso said:

Yeah I do have an addictive personality if not thought process. I know that if I experimented now because of stress, I would easily get addicted. It's bad enough that I drink a LOT of coffee and tea. It's not hurting my body, but I feel guilty for being crazy cause I don't know the fucking guy and I would rather put all that energy into spirituality instead of a fucking pop star, as much as he's been an inspiration. I never had a long term relationship, but in a crazy way, I learned about how emotionally attached I have a tendency of becoming. My friends ask me why I'm never emotionally attached to any guys I've dated and I can't tell them the real answer. I also think what happened to me with that was a result of some kind of post traumatic stress. Having social problems in school, my parents separating as I finished high school/entered uni and I would throw myself into it instead of addressing how I felt and felt jaded about the whole thing though hurt, worrying about having a disease for years after a crazy party in high school, and anxious about infecting others if I dated again (I don't have anything by the way) and creating a sort of imaginary boyfriend in a pop star indirectly to get away from it. I know all the reasons why I let myself go far and don't feel right about being obsessed with someone I don't know. NOthing wrong with being a fan, but something is wrong with taking it too far that it halted me emotionally for years, especially during the trial or if I'm calling myself his name to insult myself everytime I think I made a boo-boo in public.

alphastreet said:

God, you're adorable! All of those little bumps draw me even closer. Thanks for that. I feel so special. I tend to be frenetic, myself. It's one of my many deflections. But, it's nice to know someone relates. I feel you.

I don't know if you're being sarcastic or not, but if you weren't, tell me about it.

alphastreet said:

No, I'm not being sarcastic! I've always been an insecure guy. Just second nature for me. My mother and my brother's father divorced when I was two. I can't tell you just how much hell I went through with bullies in elementary school, middle/junior high school, and the first two years of high school. Then there's was the major blow to my confidence with what's-her-face in my junior school. I was smitten like a kitten and she played me for a fool. That made for such a boring senior year (She wasn't there to tame my soul because she was a senior when I was a junior). But yeah. And I still have the proclivity to act that way. I don't know why you thought I was playing around when I said that you telling me all that endeared me to you even more.

Mysterioso said:

I'm sorry you've been through all that. I just get laughed at on this board whenever I write about this issue and thought it was that...see how insecure I am? LOL

my elementary years were similar and my good friends were ones that didn't go to my school. After the first 2 years of high school and associating with friends who didn't turn out to be good (sadly one was my first cousin) the rest of it seemed blah and isolated though I did pursue hobbies on the side like I wanted to, but I think that time period had an affect on how I am today in a bad way and somewhat good way too. I think I became emotionally dependent on certain things or people cause I was lacking good relationships or didn't know how to maintain them.

JerseyKRS said:

Hey, even a broken clock's right twice a day.

cborgman said:

Is "incense" a euphemism for pot, here?


I used to be mucho anxiety-prone, too. But now I am way, way better, thanks to a good therapist. I'd be lie-tellin' if I said I thought self-medicatin' was a good idea.

hokie said:

I was drinking a Coca-Cola Classic when I read this. Had pizza for dinner and can you eat pizza w/out a so-dee pop? I suppose I coulda had water or juice, but - in the words of the great Michael Phillip Jagger - "I'm a man / Not a machine!".

alphastreet said:

This is not meant as an insult: Have you ever tried therapy? It sounds to me like there's some really unhealthy stuff goin' on here.

JuliePurplehead said:

Ever tried sparkling water instead?

CarrieMpls said:

I don't think I was suggesting that. But you're obviously capable of great self-discipline; there's no reason you can't carry that over into eating healthier.