SCNDLS said:

Married couples are a bit trickier, but I'd definitely advise unmarried couples to at least consider consistent condom use -- especially where one partner is a celebrity or athlete who has lived large for years in a storm of groupies and hoes.

Lammastide said:

Celebs and athletes are in a whole other category. I'm talking about ordinary people. I know many couples gay and straight that are just as "married" and committed as couples that are "legally" married. In fact, most of the stories that I know of one "spouse" giving AIDS to another have always been legally married couples. To me it all boils down to trust and it is totally impractical for anyone to expect married/committed couples to use condoms every time they have sex.

SCNDLS said:

Good point. I should draw less distinction between legality than, perhaps, a tested and enduring level of commitment.

With younger couples -- and this may be my own bias -- I'd still absolutely recommend consistent condom use insofar as they would have sex at all. You just never can know for certain who you're dealing with. With more long-term committed couples, regardless of legal status, there's no science. As you suggest, you have to go on sheer trust that there's a mutual faithfulness. I'd just hope people are really savvy in knowing who they've hitched themselves to. I've seen some uncanny trickery in my day.


In this case, though, I think Alomar's girlfriend should have been on lockdown unless dude was wrapped up. He -- and a WHOLE LOTTA his league mates -- were reputed to be swimming in wanton sex... if not all kinds of illicit behavior. She would minimize that at her own peril.
[Edited 2/11/09 14:27pm]

CarrieMpls said:

Exactly.
If you want to be 100% you are doing all you can to keep your status negative...YES. You are the only one that can assure that.

There are many many variables in life, and I'm not into judging folks marriages. But there's a lot of "one time" things that can happen in the HEALTHIEST of marriages.

Only you can keep you healthy. Sorry, I know folk don't like to hear that.

CarrieMpls said:

SCNDLS said:

Yes you get married because you trust a person.
Life happens and things unexpected happen.
MANY folk I know who've been cheated on never saw it coming. You can't count there will be "signs".'

This all sounds good on paper.
Not so good after the fact.

SCNDLS said:

Wearing a condom is impractical?
My partner and I are on a 12 year commited relationship.
There's condoms in the nightstand, in the bathroom and right in the desk next to me. It takes a sec.

Laziness is a shitty reason to be at risk.

Y'all should take a gander over to Craigslist and see how many "trusted" husbands are looking for pussy and dick.
[Edited 2/11/09 14:12pm]

ehuffnsd said:

You are correct. Once you are given an AIDS diagnosis it never goes away. I meant that if folk didn't know a person already had one and the person is presently healthy they might be perceived as HIV+.
Not by a doctor. I wasn't clear enough on that.

johnart said:

I said for most married/committed couples it IS impractical. If that works for you, cool, but I bet if you polled the married people on the Org few if any are using condoms with their spouses. Which is my point so please relax.
[Edited 2/11/09 14:24pm]

johnart said:

SCNDLS said:

I bet you're right.
I am relaxed.
SCNDLS, I'm not overly excited. This is just a subject I feel passionately about. It frustrates me that protection could be so simple, but ignored for convenience and so-called trust. That's all.
I'm not saying anything that is outrageous. It happens.
[Edited 2/11/09 14:33pm]

johnart said:

Thank you!

johnart said:

And I'm not disputing that. I've worked with AIDS outreach organizations for over 10 years so I know the deal. I'm just saying that most married people, primarily heteros, are NOT gonna be using condoms with their spouses especially if they have no reason to think the spouse is cheating. Like Jersey said, if his wife asked him to use one he'd think she didn't trust him or was cheating herself which is an entirely reasonable response. I think MOST married people would react the same way.

CarrieMpls said:

That's just the ones that outright say it in their ads. Many of them even bluntly looking for unprotected fun. But in any case, their spouses have no clue.

I'm not trying to say no one should have unprotected sex ever. I'm HAEDLY the Moral Police That's a totally personal choice.

All I'm trying to get across (yes I know I can be wordy) is that one should make that choice accepting responsibility of the risks. Not to act like it was totally someone else's fault should you catch something.

johnart said:

I agree that we're all responsible for our own health, BUT if my husband, whom I've committed to being with for the rest of my life and supposedly know and trust, KNOWINGLY exposes or infects me with ANY disease I'ma put MOST of the blame on his triflin' ass . . . and then I'ma fuck his ass up.

SCNDLS said:

Oh no, there is ABSOLUTELY no excuse when it comes to KNOWINGLY passing something on. But you willingly take that chance, which is fine. It would be mostly on him, but a little bit on you because you know a sure-fire way to prevent getting infected and choose trust over it.
And by all means, I'm not saying you shouldn't fuck his ass up tho. Fo'sho!

johnart said:

Okay, as long as we agree that I can FUCK his ass up, I'm cool.

SCNDLS said:

CarrieMpls said:

Plenty of people who thought they were in healthy, happy relationships have found themselves with a bug or two after a while. Sometimes hopes can lead to a trust blind spot.

SCNDLS said:

I'm not married, but even if I was I don't think it's a good idea. Trust is a lovely idea and all, but there are some deceptive motherfuckers of both genders out there. A little misapplied trust is not worth dying in a hospice IMO.

johnart said:

Why "so-called" trust? Plenty of couples are engaged in monogamous relationships. The fact that someone is not using condoms in their relationship is a conscious choice. As much as yours is to use them. Trust is a vital, I'd even say the most vital component in a relationship. If you don't feel secure in that aspect of yours then I'd say that wearing condoms is an appropriate decision, but lets not act like every couple who chooses not to strap up is doing so out of laziness and misguidance.

Yours is a pretty cynical viewpoint, I'd say.

CarrieMpls said:

There's this persistant myth that only selfish assholes cheat. Not true. Some of the most wonderful people can be unfaithful to their partners. Somebody who's nice, and even a great partner in other aspects, still isn't guaranteed to be monogamous.

meow85 said:

There are no guarantees in life, period. There's no guarantee that your nice, happy, well-adjusted partner isn't really a schizophrenic axe-wielding murderer. But what are you gonna do? Sleep every night with one eye open? At the risk of being called too 'trusting'?

violator said:

Always be careful, no matter what. Like I said, trust is a lovely idea. But it shouldn't ever take a backseat to common sense.

I had a conversation years ago with co-workers. I was young and naive and said that I could not be married to a man that i did not trust one hundred percent. The married women in the office told me no man could be trusted. I asked them did they use condoms with their husbands. You could hear a pin drop at the silence.

I hope they through this case and this woman out on their asses. If you don't want to catch something, you'll protect your damn self.

What a loser


Smooches;)

meow85 said:

Or cynicism.

Vendetta1 said:

This I do agree with. For the most part there were enough warning signs in that situation for her to have taken precaution. And that's generally the case with most cheaters, no matter how nice or kind they may seem to be.

violator said:

My sense of self-preservation overrides my sense of romanticism. Sorry.

No dick is worth dying over.

meow85 said:

I agree.