The British funnyman has taken to his blog and written a letter to President Barack Obama requesting an exchange that would move the heiress and Victoria Beckham to middle ground.

"As I'm sure you're aware, one of your flock has strayed," he writes. "A Miss Paris Hilton, who is, I believe, a resident of Beverley Hills, is in England doing a reality game show for ITV2 called Paris Hilton's British Best Friend. Fine. I have no problem with that. I don't have to watch. But now it has come to my attention that she has bought a house in North London a few miles from me, and is out and about ingratiating herself with the Great British public."

The Extras star then explains why this is a matter of international diplomacy requiring the president's immediate attention.

"We are not stupid," he says. "This is clearly a retaliatory strike for Posh Spice moving to LA. I know it, and you know it, so let's cut the 'it's a free country' nonsense and come to some agreement."

Then comes Gervais' proposal, suggesting he and Obama call the women and tell them about "a giant 'paparazzi nest'" in New York.

"Once we get them there, while they are having their photos taken (we will have hire a few guys with cameras to make it look good) we will swap their limos around. It's foolproof."

While The Office originator is obviously a brilliant conspirator, one large question remains unaddressed in his "covert operation"—do we even want Paris back?

Oh shit, apparently these two have a beef going. This is from a few years ago.

Hilton Slams 'Insecure' Gervais

Socialite/singer Paris Hilton has fired back at British funnyman Ricky Gervais for snubbing her on the upcoming season of his comedy show "Extras."

The hotel heiress has branded the comic genius too insecure to work with actresses of her caliber after her pleas to appear on the show, which has previously starred Ben Stiller, Samuel L. Jackson and Kate Winslet, were rebuffed.

She says, "I guess he's obviously scared of starring alongside an A-lister."

Ya know, I like to pillory the rich and famous as much as the next guy, but I kinda find society's obsession with trying to take Paris Hilton down a notch somewhat funny.

Is she vacuous? Probably. Has she done some stupid things? Definitely.

But why does she seemingly get under so many people's skins so easily? I mean, is she the only spoiled person in the world running around, taking advantage of the opportunities her money and beauty have provided her?

Would I want to live her lifestyle? No; she'll discover soon enough that it's ultimately empty. But would I be doing what she's doing if I were her age and in her social position? Probably.

It is human nature to be bitter about people who seemingly take for granted things that most of us would kill for (whether those things are worth killing for is an entirely different discussion). But what is it about her that brings the daggers out with such speed?

And say what you will about Victoria Beckham, if you saw Victoria Beckham Comes to America, you'll know that she is not a stupid woman and has a great sense of humour about herself. I find her likable.

I don't know what it is about Ricky Gervais, but something about him gets on my tits a little.

SCNDLS said:

As a wise man once stated, "Fuck slittin' her throat. CUT THIS BITCHES HEAD OFF!"
[Edited 2/5/09 7:56am]

Ace said:

I think in Paris' case it's MORE than just the fact that she's dumb and rich that grates on people, it's also the total lack of humility and her obvious belief that the world should want to see her on tv and in movies. I blame the media as much as I do her for shoving her and Nicole Richie down our throats when they don't DO anything. I mean this deluded heffa referred to herself as an "A-lister"

SCNDLS said:

Took the words right from my mouth. TOTALLY saved me the trouble. LOLafalana at the audacity for someone to even bother insinuating the rationale of finding anything about Paris Hilton objectionable besides her lush/lavish wealth and the way she touts it in a condescending manner. Deluded is the perfect way to put it, Scandy.

Mysterioso said:

Other than the extreme levels of naivety and self-contained cerebral mentality of being superior above almost every other person who is of lower class, I'm rather indifferent about the girl. But, she would serve no purpose on that show. Victoria, on the other hand, is AT LEAST interesting enough to carry herself in a gallantly sophisticated manner and maintain charisma without being the vanguard for the ingenue En Vogue with the contemporary gen-X Fibrosis Deficient Infantile Social Savvy Sons-of-Bitches of TODAY! *Catches Breath*
[Edited 2/5/09 8:16am]

Ace said:

I'm with you on the Paris thing. People need to realize that hating a celeb is just as weird as loving them...both are really weird obsessions to me.

The other thing that is so weird to me is people take gossip rags and sites as gospel. Fucked up.

SCNDLS said:

Re: TV: it appears people do want to see her, though, doesn't it? And, seems to me, she is not without humility. Maybe she doesn't display as much as people would like her to, but isn't humility often disingenuous anyway?


But would the media cover them if people didn't want to read about/watch them?

As for not "(doing) anything)", I can't say I see much difference between Nicole and Paris on The Simple Life and, say, what Larry David does. Granted, Paris is the Philip Michael Thomas of the duo, but I guess what I'm saying is that our obsession with hating Paris probably says more about us than it does her.

JustErin said:

This is a great quote. Couldn't agree more.

Ace said:

I don't watch reality TV anyway and have never sat through anything involving Paris. BUT I do think her sense of entitlement because she's a Hilton is why people don't like her. She didn't work for anything she has and has no talent yet for some reason she's a celebrity and making millions more on that celebrity.

As for the Larry David comparison I totally disagree. I'm no Larry David fan but he's been a television/comedy writer and humorist for years. He evidently has some talent, skill, and insight none of which I think can be said for Paris.

As for the media propogating this lunacy, I don't think it's so much about people WANTING to see her. Rather the media knows that she's going to do or say some dumb shit around which a pseudo attention-getting controversy can be blown up over thereby selling more tabloids and feeding into all these gossip/entertainment shows. It's a never-ending cycle.

I really don't care but I thought it was funny that Ricky accused the president of plotting this.
[Edited 2/5/09 8:44am]

Ellen Page and Ricky Gervais should work on a collaborative effort. They're both laugh riots with the same brand of humor.

SCNDLS said:

...that and her "dumb ni****s" remarks.

Ace said:

How did I let this slip? That's TOTALLY subjective, bro! Her money and the life that comes with it is beautiful. I wouldn't say SHE is really GORGEOUS by any standards. She's got a pencildick nose and a stick figure. But ah, it's all in the eye of the beholder, eh?
[Edited 2/5/09 9:07am]

SCNDLS said:

Well, even though I enjoyed The Simple Life (the first season or two, anyway), I would certainly rather watch Curb Your Enthusiasm, myself. But couldn't one argue that Paris Hilton is using her gifts in the same way that someone like Larry David is using his?

Mysterioso said:

While I risk offending every woman and half the men here by saying this, I would be less than honest if I said I didn't find her sexy. Physically, she could have easily been a very successful fashion model and there's something about her manner (as annoying as it can be) that's very sexual.

I remember, not too long ago, Artie Lange (Howard Stern sidekick) guested on Letterman. Hilton was also on the show that night and she had requested to meet Lange backstage (they have a mutual friend). As Artie related, 'Even though she seems totally airheaded and annoying, there is something about her that just oozes sex'.

So, yeah: I'd hit it.

Ace said:[quote]

Mysterioso said:

Different strokes for different folks.

And oh, I was just stating the fact that it's purely immanent so that if I give my opinion that it won't SEEM like I'm trying to pass it off as TRUTH. I've come to pick that up as a habit. So, 'scuse me if I looked stupid in the process of making such an "OVERTLY DISCERNIBLE" point. *Clears Throat*
[Edited 2/5/09 11:23am]

Ace said:

What are these "gifts" you are referring too? Gimme a list.

Ace said:

Never mind, I know what "gifts" you're talking about now.

SCNDLS said:

She's not the ugliest twiggish fuck out there. She just isn't anything special (I'm not saying I am, either. I mean, you don't see me living a lavish life. But that shouldn't even be a factor, even though it is THE benefactor of her every reason for living/breathing). I've seen some hot chicks who are/were probably damn near homeless by means of monetary fecundity. Otherwise, when it came to their personalities (I know. So cliche), they were GOLD! They baguettes the fuck up, as Jay-Z would say, in comparison to Paris Hilton's trite/trifling disposition and whole outlook on life. I'm not saying that I'm any better, though. I've got a lot of throwing up to do. I don't HATE the girl, every chance I get. I just could do without her, honestly. Like I said, Victoria Beckham is fucking fab. Paris, however, is drab.

Mysterioso said:

Oh, Lawd. But you're right. . . I think.

SCNDLS said:

Well, if you are interpreting the word "gift" in the same way that I am (something someone's born with, that's factor in their success), I would say some of hers are:

- physical beauty

- a sophisticated understanding of how to enhance her sexual attractiveness

- a talent for capturing the attention of the media

- an ability to parlay her notoriety into successful business ventures


While there's no doubt that there are many things about her I don't care for, I can't say that I don't feel she's been a perfectly competent businessperson.

Now, her values aren't mine and I wouldn't make most of the choices she's made, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have gifts.

Ace said:

To each his own, I guess. To me, she's average-looking and built like a fucking ironing board. No ass at all. Jessica Simpson laughs at Paris' ass.

Mysterioso said:

So, you feel that Victoria Beckham and Paris are not working the same side of the street?

uPtoWnNY said:

Some people like big asses, some like small and some prefer the middle ground. Jessica Simpson has never been my type. Yes, chacun son goût is the key phrase here.

Ace said:

You know, another thing that I find odd is people for some reason feel the need to totally bash the opposite of what they are praising or defending.

A perfect example is these huge ass threads. People talk about how great and amazing one way is, totally defend it - which is great and all but then they turn around and completely insult anyone that does not have the look they like.

I'm not sure if that came out the way I wanted it to.

Anyway, this is an interesting thread.

Ace said:

I guess I don't think any of these traits/characteristics justify her fame, success (doing what I'm still not sure), or place in the public eye. Victoria Beckham on the other hand actually worked hard for many years doing something that generated a product that millions of people actually bought. I think the media's fascination with her is residual from her work with the Spice Girls. So I definitely put her above Paris in that regard. If she was JUST married to a soccer player nobody would care about her.

JustErin said:

No, your point is an excellent one.

And, yes - it is an interesting topic. It's certainly no, "BIG ASSES RULE!!!!!", but it still has it charms.

SCNDLS said:

Some might say that Victoria Beckham is a - at best - mediocre singer, that her work has not been so hard, and that her principal talent was having the luck to be in the right place at the right time. I might find her more stylish and more likable than Paris Hilton, but I don't "put her above" Paris Hilton. To say that I did would mean that I felt that what Victoria Beckham has done with her life is somehow more valiant. I don't.